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Basically until we had our 20 week scan. Mainly because I was too busy with LO to think about it much. The scan was about the same time as kicks started, plus we found out we're having another girl. I think I more quickly connected with #2 than I did with LO in utero! (That took almost until my due date)

I think I treated both pregnancies about the same, honestly. Shock, sadness, denial, acceptance, then slowly embraced it. I will say it was faster for me to connect to my second one than my first one but that's because I hid my first one for so long.

Long story about all that but happy to share

@NaturallyCathy: I would listen if you want to share!

LO#2 was an unplanned surprise. (I'm saying 'surprise' instead of 'accident' to be more positive...) The kids will be 18mo apart. I had a tough time, especially in the first half. I'm just now getting a little excited at 31 weeks. The kicks help a lot. And to be honest, the occasional "scare" helps (like if he's having a quiet day, forcing myself to do a kick count) because I remember I really do care about this kiddo.

To be honest, it's a lot of fake it till you make it. Knitting or sewing something for the baby also helps, though I haven't actually even finished a project for him. I know I will love him, but it is harder.

I've been thinking about taking LO#2 on a "date" day. Eat a bunch of healthy pregnancy food. Go to the pool. Finish sewing his quilt. Just focus on being pregnant with him for a day. I had so much more free time to do that with #1!

I was feeling very disconnected until I had some spotting. Then I immediately connected and realized how much I want this baby. Mamabear came out quickly.

@NaturallyCathy: I'd like to hear (read) your story!

@jedeve: Both my littles were unplanned. With my first, we found out after I was about 15 weeks along. It was summer and I was working two on campus jobs plus taking a full set of classes. I'd lost my period the previous summer when I was just taking one class and one on campus job. It scared me but when my period returned I just chalked it up to stress. So when my period disappeared the next summer I honestly didn't stress about it until I felt the changes. We took a home pregnancy test which was very much positive even though it wasn't a digi and, I admit, it ruined me. Hubs and I were engaged. I was in school still and we weren't ready for a family. We were still finishing up planning our wedding for that October!

Well we went to the doctor's office and got it all confirmed, pictures and what not, then we stressed. We discussed options - abortion was out, merely because we were so far along and we didn't have the funds. Truthfully I'm not sure I could have gone through it but I always see it as an option for anyone. I couldn't do adoption - if I'm going to carry the child, I'm going to keep it. So we decided to keep it and waited a month or so until we told our parents because I wanted one more semester of school.

Fast forward: we were married October 2011, our son was born January 2012 and then by August/September, I started to wonder again. I was on the pill (just like before) but symptoms were adding up faster because I'd been through it once before and recently. I knew what to expect.This time we bought a digital and got a very quick positive. We went through the same list: abort or keep? But figured since we've already done this once we might as well do it again. We didn't want DS to be an only child but we weren't ready to add another one either. I mean, we were just getting to the fun age! Now I had to do it all over again!

I think I was pretty much angry at both babies for most of the second trimester. I didn't hate them, it wasn't their fault, but it certainly didn't fill me with any maternal joy. It took until after DS was born to really connect with him and only after a month or two. With DD it took a lot less time but that's because 1) I was no longer a new mom, and 2) I wanted to show DS how to love her (if that makes any sense). I love both my children and don't regret them. I don't even regret how I felt at the time when I was pregnant with them. But I admit it will probably be easier when we add a third one because they'll be the only planned one.

Sorry for the essay!

Yay, congrats! Geeze, I miss everything since I'm not gold! I'll have to fix that soon!

I also didn't really connect with the baby while pregnant since I was so busy with J. I was obviously happy but often forgot I was pregnant - and always had to look up to see how far along I was.

I am 26 weeks with #2, and still not connected. I was pretty connected with L right away, so I don't know what's up. Part of me is worried that I somehow subconsciously know that something is wrong, which then freaks me out and makes me distance myself even more.

I fully expect to not connect until she's born. Sure makes the pregnancy fly by though!!

@sorrycharlie: Thank you for starting this thread. I'm having a hard time feeling connected with baby #2 and of course I feel pretty guilty about that. It's helpful to read that others have felt the same way!

I think that part of it is that I had SUCH a hard time with M's newborn days (horrible colic, some ppd) that I'm dreading what it will be like this time. It's also been pretty horrible dealing with morning sickness and exhaustion and chasing after a toddler. I have my 12 week nt scan tomorrow so I'm hoping that and announcing to more people soon will help me get more excited about this pregnancy!

Also - I just keep looking at my daughter and thinking that I could never love another child like I love her! I know this isn't true, but it's such a strong feeling. I also find myself feeling badly that having a new baby will take so much of my time and attention away from M. Realistically I know that I'm giving her the gift of a sibling, but I'm sure there will be some hard moments. Pregnancy is definitely different this time around!

@MrsMccarthy: Thank babe I admit at the time I wasn't as secure and very much more emotional about all of it than I am now but I'm in a good place in my life and I don't see a point in glossing over the past. It was what it was - I didn't relish every kick, I didn't post the scans on the fridge, I didn't start buying baby clothes or anything 'normal' moms do because I was pretty much in a state of shock from finding out to giving birth.

But I love them so much and I appreciate them. Even when we're all whining and yelling and crying, which is rare, we're also all laughing and cuddling and being a family. It is what it is, a beautiful mess. I'm grateful for my littles and I'll be just as grateful for our next one.

@sorrycharlie: I had a lot of the same thoughts. That I already loved DS so much, how on earth was I going to love this next little more? I also worried that it would take as long or longer to lover her once she was born since I had such a hard time adjusting the first time. And the nursery? Neither kids have a nursery yet so I'm looking forward to planning a room that'll work for both of them to grow into upstairs (once we're upstairs). And DD shared a space with my desk for nearly a year Totally normal.

@sorrycharlie: I felt so connected with Chloe from the absolute start. I was cheesy and would talk to her, my husband would rub my belly and talk to her, and when I started feeling movement it was incredible. I felt like I could have "conversations" with her -- if I poked my belly, she'd kick back! I couldn't wait to start the nursery and it was hard waiting until we knew the sex because I didn't want a neutral nursery. I felt like I knew her from the start.

This time.. It's so hard to admit! I'm was feeling very disconnected from the entire experience. After having sufferered three losses and all the complications in this pregnancy, I just couldn't be excited. I thought the joy would set it when I hit the second tri, but my worry just expanded: could I have a second tri miscarriage? A missed miscarriage? And the complications only compound my fear. It wasn't until I was 400 miles from home, on an island, and headed to a hospital on stilts that I let my guard down. I sobbed uncontrollably. I realized how connected I actually am to this little girl, but have been too scared to admit it for fear of losing her. Now I feel tremendously guilty for "losing" the first 20 weeks I had with her.