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We did CIO with our first when she was a bit older, probably between 8-9 months. 30 min the first night, 13 the second, 3 the third (easy to remember the 3's!).

Our whole life felt like it changed after that - so much more peaceful at bedtime, so much better uninterrupted overnight sleep too. I will do it again in a heartbeat with our second if needed (so far, so good, fingers crossed).

I was prepared to leave the house and let DH deal with it, but I didn't end up needing to. I did however have a few nights later on when she was older and re-training was necessary after vacation that were really tough so I went out on the porch to have a glass of wine where I couldnt' hear her. It's so much worse when they can yell MAMA! while they cry But again, it was worth her ability to learn to self soothe and the freedom from hours-long bedtimes.

My son cried for 45 minutes the first night. I think he cried 30 minutes the second night. The third night he cried for 10/12 minutes, I don't think I even had to go in. We had an extinction burst after 2/3 weeks, but I just went back to timed checks, I think I did 15 minutes. My son was good after that. The most he ever cried on a "bad" night was 15 minutes. It is actually considered normal for it to take up to 15 minutes for a baby to fall asleep.

I had a video monitor, so I turned the sound off and just kept an eye on the monitor. I watched Netflix with noise cancelling headphones to help my nerves. Also wine. Lots of wine.

My first was so easy to sleep train, we did it at 6 months, she cried for 40 minutes the first night, 20 the second, 7 the third, then slept perfectly after that - it was a dream. Then my second came along...she is like your son. Has never been a good sleeper, she's really stubborn and persistent. We tried with her around 4-5 months because she was rocked to sleep and was waking like hourly all night every night. She screamed for over an hour many nights in a row til I finally gave up. We tried again at 9 months and it was still tough, but kind of "worked". It took weeks, with some nights being better than others. She learned to fall asleep on her own but still woke overnight many times and cried for anywhere from 10 seconds to an hour. We still just left her to figure it out and it gradually got better. Teething has been a mess, but now at 18 months she is finally a pretty good sleeper. She'll fall asleep quickly on her own and usually wakes once or twice overnight but will only cry up to a few minutes and will fall back asleep.

I think some kids are just better sleepers than others. I still completely believe in sleep training and will use it again, but I understand that it doesn't work with every kid perfectly. If I was you I'd maybe try again in a couple months if you can hold out that long. Or stick with it and I'm sure it will get better eventually, it will probably just take longer than the average kid.

@pachamama: I'm so sorry. That's so rough. Have you reached out to BS from our Feb 16 group? She had a horrible time with N (who now sleeps through the night). She may have some advice.

You know my experience, J didn't sleep. Period. He needed to nurse all night. Like yours he escalates when crying. Never once had he fallen asleep crying. He just gets angrier. What worked for us was that I literally slept touching him (hand on his back). That got him to connect sleep cycles and he eventually slept through the night.

Is the problem falling asleep independently or staying asleep?

@pachamama: I know how hard this is mama. I was there too. As a couple PP’s have mentioned you have to be consistent if you are going to sleep train - you are trying to “teach them” and if the rules change they don’t understand.
I know you said checks don’t work but I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving my DD for hours so I did checks and while she would escalate immediately after the check it was a temporary burst and then she would actually settle down better. What ultimately worked for us was as follows:
1. Timed checks - all I could handle at the beginning was something like 2 minutes, 5 minutes and 9 minutes. By stretching them out it gave her time to self sooth and I didn’t feel like I was being mean or harsh. When I went in and did the check I used the same phrase “shhh mama’s here, it’s time to sleep, night night” with a quick rub on the back. It never took more than 3 or 4 checks, even on the worst night
2. I gave her a lovey - it was just one of the stuffed animal/blanket things. I would put this near her hand when I put her down and again when I did the checks. You can decide if you are comfortable with something like this. This allowed her to associate this with sleep instead of nursing or rocking.
3. I leaned on my husband heavily. I told him his job was to be encouraging and help me remember that we were doing what was best for her and us (I was suffering from PPD and the lack of sleep was making this much worse)

@pachamama: I would try to be as consistent as possible. Inconsistency will make it so much harder. So if you choose to do Ferber checks I would stick with it for at least a week. You can also customize your checks, just as long as they get longer and longer. If it doesn't work after a week I would re-evaluate / take a break. I would also say that at 5.5 months old, you still have some wiggle room to figure this out. I didn't sleep train my son until he was almost 7 months old and I had tried previously at 4 months old and he was just not ready for it at 4 months old. I felt like at 7 months old he was developmentally ready because he could roll over both ways and wasn't getting stuck on his stomach/back anymore, so he was able to re arrange himself on his own if he was uncomfortable without freaking out.

Also, are you still nursing right before you put him down to sleep? I would try moving your nursing session 30 minutes before you plan to put him into his crib. If that sleep association is still going on it will thwart your sleep training efforts no matter how consistent you are. For my son it was really hard to put the nursing session at the beginning of the routine so I put it in the middle. I did bath, boob, pajamas, books then bed. Hang in there!

@mrswin: @pachamama: I second that book. It got me through doing it with my son.

I was also going to suggest a sleep consultant if that’s financially possible for you. We were at the point of not knowing what to do and tbh I didn’t want to read all these books and different methods and choose what’s best because I didn’t know. We did the plan set out for us and it held me accountable and took away the guesswork. Highly recommend it.

Our first night was the worst by far. I made the mistake of putting him down pretty much asleep, and he did he usual 35m nap sleep and woke up. Cried 15m, slept 15m, cried 45m, slept 30m, cried 30m, slept/stopped for 5m, cried 25m, finally exhasted himself enough to sleep 1.5 hr, woke up and cried 10m, slept another 1.5hr, cried 35m, slept 2hr cried an hour, slept 1.25hr until it was finally morning. 8 wakings. Second night was 5 wakings with the crying 20-45m each time. Third night was 3 wakings, 25m, 15m, 45m crying. From 4th night on, there was very few times the crying went on for more than 10m - and only if I didn't nurse him (he was used to just nursing to sleep) since I'd decided on 10 and 2 since that's when he always woke to eat, and the other random ones he had to fend for himself. (I know people said this was confusing and made it worse, but I could never stand to hear him cry on). I eventually gave in and just nursed him to sleep usually 3x a night instead of 2x. This went on for about 6 weeks until he self weaned one of the feedings. And it's been about 6 weeks since then and he seems to be self weaning to 1 wake up now. I got all my fingers crossed that this continues! I just couldn't stand the crying so it's been a very slow process for us, but I never minded the wakeups/nursing since he went right back down after. Before this he would wake up every sleep cycle and have a ton of trouble settling, waking and needing help again 5-8m after we left the room 3-4x before the midnight too, and then every 1-2hrs until morning.

Also, the first night of 3.5 hours was probably on and off. Meaning even taking 5 seconds break between cries? I don’t think it’s physically possible to cry for 3.5 hours nonstop. If he was taking breaks even 5, 10, 30 seconds then that really isn’t that bad. Some babies just do that the first night of cio. Cry for 5 mins. Break for 30 seconds. On and on. Then sleep for 20 mins. Cry for 3 mins. Rest for 10 seconds. Cry for 10 mins. Sleep for 5 mins. And so on.
Yes it sucks but that’s what my first did and it’s in the realm of normal.

@pachamama: That is amazing! If he can roll then don’t sweat it! He just needed to get comfy, that’s so cute 🤗 my younger guy also likes tummy sleep way better and once he figured it out his sleep improved (that was before sleep training).
I also know a nicu nurse who has put all FOUR of her own babies on their stomach for sleep from day 1 🤷‍♀️ No judgement here!

@pachamama: YESSSSSSSSSSS

I agree let that tummy sleeping happen! And big yes to the tank up bottle. I did it for about 2 months and then was able to drop it once solids were getting eaten better.

@pachamama: hahaha oh man I hope he didn’t take the part about “the least he could do” too personally I would have said that about any dad.

I’m so glad that you’re feeling better physically, mentally, emotionally.

And I think tummy sleep during naps is nbd at all. To me it’s the same as “well I only let them sleep in the RNP during naps but never overnight” which we hear on this site a lot.
You aren’t neglecting or beating up a baby and plenty of peds suggest reflux babies sleep on their tummy. You should have zero guilt. We all take calculated “risks” every day (and I use the word risks very loosely). Travel might be a little wonky for like a day or two but try to replicate as much as possible when you travel. Try to stick to routine and schedule even if it means missing out on some things. This is a very short phase of life. Take a sound machine and if you blackout his room take black garbage bags and packing tape with you so the room is also dark where you stay. Try not to give in to sleep crutches as much as you can. Some things will have to slide but if you generally are consistent it should be fine. Good luck!

@pachamama: well, I’m worse than you because I let my second sleep on his tummy 24/7 before he could roll ... it was what worked, and there are many risk factors so that was the one I chose to be ok with. And then thankfully he did roll early, but I still had to train him later!
I wouldn’t even blame your slacker for the bottle - that just seems to work for a lot of kids. I have an oversupply and my little chubby #3 would still down 8-10oz every day before bedtime! I’m so glad it’s going well and I hope it all keeps up - I bet it will!