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How long did your babe cry while CIO/Ferber?

  1. JJ2626

    kiwi / 526 posts

    Amazing, congrats! So glad you stuck with it. My LO also slept much better on her stomach starinf around 5 or 6 months. Our ped said it was totally safe if she was getting there on her own. She is a great sleeper still at 16 mos and is almost always on her stomach.

  2. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4462 posts

    Glad it's working! I don't think my LO would sleep in the crib at all until he learned to roll partially to his side from his back. To this day, he's still a side sleeper...

  3. pachamama

    nectarine / 2418 posts

    @periwinklebee: My guy hated the crib from day 1, prob bc he was on his back. Something I feel so bad about is I think we could have avoided all this crying and, frankly, torture if I had put him on his tummy.

  4. Eebolleh

    cherry / 117 posts

    @pachamama: this is so wonderful to hear. It seriously helps to have a plan. I can’t believe you signed up for a triathlon! But seriously once you get sleep, you feel like a new person!

  5. pachamama

    nectarine / 2418 posts

    Update and advice needed.
    So it's mostly going well but some things I'm really concerned about. Every night he puts himself to sleep pretty easily, crying for under 10 minutes. Many nights he will sleep 12 hours straight... but often he wakes up and cries anywhere from 5 to 40 minutes. Last night (3 weeks after starting extinction CIO) was horrible- he was up 11, 12 and 1 and seem to be in pain. Could not stop wailing. Maybe he's teething? (6 months old.) So I gave him Tylenol, soothed him and he immediately fell asleep pretty much know his own in crib. I know I probably shouldn't have gone in but it was unusual for him to cry like that. Maybe he wasn't ready for all this? I'm racked with guilt and anxiety over it and I'm not sure I did the right thing.
    Tldr: 3 weeks into sleep training, my 6 month old is still waking up and crying sometimes for a long time. He does fall back asleep and it's usually once a night. I never go into soothe him or nurse and it's really agonizing for me and probably him.
    .
    What do I do if he cries for more than 30 mins? I feel like the books make it sound like it should just work and he shouldn't wake up after CIO 3-4 nights. Maybe I'm missing something 😔😔

  6. lindseykaye

    pear / 1992 posts

    @pachamama: I think you're doing great! And the fact that most nights are smooth means it's working. There are so many factors that contribute to a good night's sleep so I don't think you can pinpoint one thing or another that contribute to the sometimes waking.

    I think that going in here and there, even once a night, is a big improvement over where you started, and I don't think that will undo any of the good habits and self-soothing you've helped your little one to build during this process.

    Hang in there! You're doing great.

    My 7 month old is very similar but we go in plenty overnight for various reasons. If she is really CRYING vs. fussing, we go in and help settle her with a warm hand on her belly for a moment or just help her find her binky and put that in. It's all of 2 minutes and then she continues to sleep for several hours.

  7. pachamama

    nectarine / 2418 posts

    @lindseykaye: Thanks I feel like this was a failure... idk... and he's always crying nNever fussing, never has. Full on crying, so loud. It's excruciating. Checks make him escalate. You don't think I'm going to dismantle all the "work" the poor guy did the past 3 weeks to fall asleep on his own? He never EVER could fall asleep independently before, and he definitely can now, but people have scared me into thinking if i soothe him, I will ruin the training.

  8. lindseykaye

    pear / 1992 posts

    @pachamama: I think that as long as you're continuing with what you've been working on most of the time, and you sooth occasionally for the situations that you described above it will be ok. I have no guarantees, but really don't think you'll undo everything. Now if you start to respond to every single cry and stop putting him down awake to sleep then yeah - you're likely to build up the same habits as before but it doesn't sound like that's what you're doing.

  9. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6066 posts

    @pachamama: I agree not a fail! So we trained 4 months ago since my baby is a little older and she mostly sleeps through, but fairly often not. I do ignore up to a point, mostly because I am lazy/tired (especially middle of the night), but will go in if it goes much past 10 minutes, especially if she is not just crying but screeching. (She is a loud crier also.) To me, if they sleep well the majority of the time, a wakeup (or several) that is out of character means something is wrong - maybe even just they need mama right then, maybe teeth, who knows. Of course there are many small wakeups that can be ignored, at least for us - for this baby I would consider 10 minutes of crying in character and something I leave alone. Basically I go with my gut. And if you continue to do the “right” things most of the time you’ll keep your overall results I believe. You are doing a good job

  10. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @pachamama: ditto to every single word @lindseykaye: said! Literally would have written the same thing.
    You are not a failure. Sleep training was not a failure. You’re doing GREAT and some occasional wake ups will happen even for the most amazing post-CIO sleepers.
    When he wakes up wait a few mins. Always. That way he has a chance to settle himself. If he doesn’t you can go in and assess. No lights. No talking. No eye contact. Boring robot mom. Pickup and rock for a min. Put back down and walk out, even if he started crying again. Repeat if necessary but I’ve found that usually going in once does the trick.
    You just don’t want to go back and feed since that stopped. Or rock to sleep. Try to stick to the good sleep habits you’ve established as much as possible. Things happen and even if you do cave one night remember it takes 3 nights to create a bad habit. So the next morning just say to yourself “last night sucked. I caved because I’m human. Today is a new day and tonight is a new night”.

    You know I’m nuts about this stuff and mine has been sleep trained since 4/5 months. He’s 17 months tomorrow and the last 2 weeks he’s been waking 1-2x per night a few nights a week. I know that there is a regression at 18 months and he’s also teething (he has the bulge under the gum and the other side already broke through). So I do what I have to do and know that it’s a phase and as long as my overarching message is “here’s your crib. You sleep here, not on me. You sleep at 12pm for nap and 6pm for bedtime. You start your day at 7am and anything before that, even 6:30am is considered a night waking. I don’t rock you to sleep. I don’t feed you at night. I love you and I’ll reassure you that I’m here, but you need to sleep on your own”.

    Promise that unless the wheels totally fall off and you go back to answering every fuss and feeding and rocking to sleep on the reg, you’ll be fine.

    I also advise to read ahead a month or two either wonder weeks or Dr Weissbluth’s book so that you always know what is in store. Sleep regressions do happen and can be maddening, but expecting them and being mentally prepared really helps.

  11. pachamama

    nectarine / 2418 posts

    @SweetiePie: I thought for sure you'd say DO NOT GO INTO THAT ROOM NO MATTER WHAT lol! I was a little scared. But thanks, your and @bhbee: @lindseykaye: 's advice made me feel so so much better. I thought I couldn't check on him but at 3 weeks I guess he has a decent foundation right? And there will be blips. It was just that the first few days of CIO were so so traumatic, they kind of scarred me and I don't want to "dishonor" what he learned.
    Last night he went down awake (smiling and giggling bc he is such a love), did not cry himself to sleep initially for the 1st time, and did not cry or wake up for 12 hours. What the heck. I can't figure him out. But I'll take it!!!

  12. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @pachamama: If it was within, I’d say, a week of extinction CIO I might say that. But you’ve done the sleep training, the foundation is there, he is officially sleep trained. So now occasional wake ups or regressions will happen and you just need to roll with them. They suck and can feel like setbacks but are pretty unavoidable.

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