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Daily! Reasoning works over anything with DS. Sometimes it's saying it once, sometimes it's repeating myself over and over again, but talking and explaining gets more cooperative and smooth outcomes than any amount of forcing with DS. Unless we're short on time or need to be hurried while out, I always, always choose talking with him, instead of forcing something on him! It doesn't usually last longer than five or ten minutes!

ETA: I do not try to bribe with treats/sweets/etc. We'll offer dessert if DS does a good job of finishing his entire meal (esp veggies), but we've been trying to stick to the reasoning/words instead of snacks/food as a reward.

Oh this is a tricky one. I usually try to give a warning before whatever it is comes ( bath, leaving etc. ) then if it's something she really doesn't like ( washing her hair for example ) I offer a reward for good behaviour. But honestly if/when the argument starts, I usually just do the "this is your job and it needs to happen" and stop negotiating. I don't find my little one is open to reason by the time she's made up her mind. It sometimes ends in tears but I find over time as she has leaned it isn't always going to go her way, the tantrums are shorter now. We also always talk it out after she's calm.

Toddlers are TOUGH! I am sure you are doing a great job! Don't worry about what other say, you know your little one best and what works for them!

I feel like I spend half my day doing this?

C is almost 2 and is generally a pretty easy going cooperative kid. When she doesn't want to do something, it takes less time for me to pause, calm her enough to look at me so I can explain why we are doing something, until she agrees, than it does for me to try and force a screaming bucking toddler to do whatever it is. For example, she frequently fights getting in the car, so instead of karate chopping her middle to get her in the car, I take her back out, look at her, and tell her where we are going and why and remind her of last time we drove somewhere fun. This usually at least gets her to comply enough to get buckled in even if she is still whimpering.

If she really won't calm down I will force it but it's just harder for everyone that way. This seems to work best with her personality right now.

I don't necessarily call it bribing but I guess it could be considered that. I will say "just remember if you finish your dinner, mommy made cookies for dessert." and she knows she only gets them if she finishes the good stuff. Then there is classic bribery like the times when I say "if you go the bathroom (our struggle right now) you can have some screen time"

I''m currently reading a psychology behaviorism book about the downfalls of rewards in changing behavior or creating lasting change - it has been fascinating! Needless to say, it pretty much affirms what I already have found to be true with my 2.5 year old: rewards and bribing may work to achieve a resulting behavior in the short term, but it doesn't establish any long term lasting impact or true behavior change. It just creates a sense of control on my part, and reinforces the need for further rewards in the future, which I don't want to get in the habit of anyways. In the long run, I want my child to be self-motivated with their actions. This means either being really really careful how I word things and share instructions, or giving very concise and close-ended choices ("You can have cheese or peanut butter with your apple - which do you want?")

So yes, I do talk through things with him, but I wouldn't call it negotiating. I realized that a 2 year old doesn't reason very well or understand logic, so giving choices that are too open ended or even making simple requests leaves the door open for responses and behavior that I may not consider appropriate. In those cases, it's just better for me to state what needs to happen. Such as, "We're going to get our shoes on to go outside." If there's a problem or protest, I just say, "I see you're having trouble with your shoes/getting outside/etc. I'll do it for you." yes, it can mean sometimes things aren't super smooth and happy, but it gets us where we need to be with certain things.

One thing we don't do at all is reward or bribe with food. It happened once with something at my mom's house, and it backfired afterwards. Never again. Even when it comes to trying to get DS to eat healthy balanced meals, I definitely know that bribing with treats would work (because it did on one rare occasion, again with my mom), but I'd rather establish a pattern of him making his own choices of what he eats. So we just offer healthy choices, and if he eats them, great. If not, then that's all there is. We rarely do treats and desserts ourselves anyways, so I guess that's also part of it.

ill explain things to her and sometimes there's positive consequences that are mentioned. Like once we get this done we can go to the pool, something we were already planning but a nice reminder to listen. Same with dinner, we usually have some sort of treat after so it's a nice reminder to eat. While I don't mind explaining Im not willing to repeat myself too much, I don't count but it's probably the three strikes your out and then there's consequences of not getting those things or time outs.

@Maysprout: Skinner used dogs to basically established beahviorism. So while it works with dogs, there is quite a bit of research from the 70s and 80s that basically says it's BS for people in establishing behavioral change. The author has some value judgements on rewards being manipulative and controlling too, which is interesting to read about. I am at the beginning of the book, so still lots to learn and see what I think, but it's interesting for sure. It's called "punished by rewards" by Kohn, I found at the library.

@Bubbles: I agree, and I think that's the author's point, as far as I can tell. People are much more complex than animals used as research subjects used to justify behaviorism and rewards. But again, even research on using rewards with people (there are several studies cited in the book) show that it is ineffective and often actually results in worse behavior or regression. Like I said, I haven't gotten super far in the book and there are a few chapters specifically related to children, but I haven't gotten there yet. I'm not trying to defending this book or perspective, merely just sharing the information I've read so far.

@Mrs. Sunshine: I do the same. Warnings have been really helpful in setting him up for a change. Talking about things ahead of time in general has been working out.

Been doing a lot of either/or which is working for now. Offering a choice is making him feel empowered, it's just about being creative with it.

Like, the car seat is a struggle because he wants to get in himself, but stalls and messes around and I'm pregnant and can't deal. So instead of letting him get in himself I am putting him in his seat now, and letting him click all of the harnesses into place. For now at least, I'm sure that will lose its appeal soon

Bribes aren't even working lately. Lol.