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Not much. My LO is almost a year old and my FIL who lives 3 hours away has seen her basically 3 times. He had two other visits planned but canceled the morning of both times. My MIL who lives 8 hrs away has also seen her 3 times, but I know she would come probably monthly if she lived closer. And two of her three visits were 10 days.

My husband would answer this very differently though! My mom hates going more than 2 weeks without seeing LO. She lives 2 hours away and is retired so every 2-3 weeks she comes down and spends a few days with us. It is nice because I SAH so she hangs with me and DH really only sees her in the evenings. Although he says he really doesn't mind the frequency because we get along with her well and she's no work when she is here (she does her own laundry, including the linens in the guest room every few visits, she helps me shop and cook and pitches in with cleaning).

I think maybe it is your husband's job to set boundaries with them? I think wanting to see their grandkid every month isn't terribly unreasonable. But I can understand how the way they do it is hard for you. Maybe you guys can come up with some compromise.

Not much at all. Last year they came for her 1st bday in March. Then stopped by on their way through town in October, for like 3 hours. Then we went down for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are 4 hours away. FIL is retired and SMIL gets 8 weeks of vacation. Apparently coming to see her isn't high on their list.

This year they came up for her bday so far.

@nana87: pay for a cab? Yea I don't know lol. I'm lucky that 1) our parents are mostly reasonable and 2) both of us have no problem telling our parents if we think that they are being ridiculous

@bunnylove08: exactly the same! They're about a 1-1.5 hours away and my MIL acts like the world is ending if she doesn't see him weekly. She hasn't worked in 30 years so it's literally all she has to think about! My FIL works though and he can only do weekends which we can't always make work. So he sees him about once a month I'd say.

I personally feel stifled by weekly visits. But I offset by trying to do something for me when she comes, like a mani pedi or massage.

@blackbird: I mean I am perfectly fine with not seeing them. But I hate it for R. Apparently family vacation is on for July 4th again. We haven't received and invitations and they know we can not go during that time. I guess they like to treat DH's sister, husband, and grandsons. It is really sad.

@nana87: To answer your question, I don't have a good way to set boundaries. I'm a little passive aggressive in this way - I usually just make excuses if I don't feel like seeing her, and I rarely invite. I let her ask so it's easier for me to say no, that we have plans. Doesn't always go over well! But if I told her she comes too often she might keel over.

My in-laws live about an 8 hour drive away (or a little over 1 hour flight), and they come see us or we see them probably 5-6 times a year. Like, we went there over Christmas, they came here in March, and they are coming back in May. Then again when LO #2 is born August. They Skype with DH and Lo about every other day.

My mom lives about a 16 hour drive, or a 2.5 hour flight. We go see her or she sees us maybe 4-5 times a year. We also went to see her over Christmas, she is coming in May to babysit LO while we go on a babymoon, and then she will also be back in August when Lo #2 is born. We rarely Skype...maybe once a month. But I send her random pictures sometimes.

Would you be able to get out of the house wit your LO in the morning (park, breakfast with friends, etc) and then meet your IL's back at the house at noon? Let them visit with your LO, and then have dinner at whatever time YOU plan, and then scoot them out the door at the time YOU plan.

I def see both sides of this. They want to see your LO grow up, but you feel constricted by their visits. We live 2 hrs away from both sets of parents and we tried to cater to their needs at first, but we learned (not as quickly as I would have liked) that WE are the parents in this situation and WE need to do what's best for our LO. That said... It's important to us that our LOs have a relationship with their grandparents. We try to make it work so that our LOs get to grow up knowing their grandparents.

@Anagram: we do this too! We take advantage of having an extra set of hands and try to make freezer meals, get errands done, and even do a date night We are also in a 2 bedroom condo, so it's tight, but we know it's only for X amount of time each visit so we make the most of it!

They always want to see DS, but we go visit them maybe every other month? When they're briefly in town, we make an effort for them to see DS. But it's usually only for a couple hours before they head back out of town.

My ILs live about 8 hours away. We see them at least every other month. It's a short flight.

My parents live about an hour away and have come to see J 4 times in 3 years. Two birthdays, when he was in the hospital and one other time.
They expect me to come visit them.

My MIL is in her 80s and doesn't drive, so we make a point to visit her once a month, she's about an hour away as well.

My parents are only an hr away and they come by once a week to visit while I get to go out. My MIL does the same and she's only 15 min away. She does make it seem that if she goes over a week without seeing M that it's a tragedy. "Can i come by? I need a baby fix" Sort of dramatic but it helps me out too so I can't complain too much.

My parents visit every other month. My FIL who lives in HI is coming to visit in a month. It's his 2nd visit in 2 years. MIL has yet to come see D and she is almost 6 months old. MIL is 8 hour drive away, she chooses to not visit eventhough she travels with her lover all the time. Whatever, there loss...

Never apparently.

@nana87: Your situation sounds very similar to what I anticipate mine to be... My in-laws are a 10 hour drive or 2 hour flight away. Pros - I don't mind them visiting, they make themselves at home and generally don't irritate me much. Cons - They have to stay with us for money reasons and we have a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment... My parents are currently a 3 1/2 hour drive but once that house sells will be closer to a 6 hour drive (or more with traffic) or depending on where they retire, a flight away. They've stayed with us and stayed in a hotel. But, a lot like your situation, they bicker, act like guests, etc. My shower was last weekend and I snapped on Sunday and lost it on my mom. I think the biggest thing is setting expectations... I plan on telling them that the bickering and arguing cannot and will not happen around LO. I do not want her raised in that sort of environment and won't allow it. Especially not at my house. I can't dictate what they do at their house really so that'll be harder. But, like you said, it carries over into your own marriage too. I also need to be clearer that when they are in our house, it is their house. I cannot be expected to pump up the airbed when it's getting low, put their dishes in the dishwasher for them, get them drinks, make constant plans, etc. If they need something, they need to just go and get it themselves. This is a conversation we need to have sometime soon so I don't blow up again but I dread it at the same time. I would try to relax about certain things... If they leave later than planned, then oh well if LO is sleeping and tell them that. You're not waking her because they arrived later than planned. Like @looch: recommended, can you visit them on occasion too to get a different environment?