Hellobee Boards

It’s a hard season of life, truly. The first thing you might want to do is lower your expectations.

What’s helped me is making a list and continually revisiting it to evaluate how I can change things. What emotional, physical, and household priorities matter most to me? I try to be specific and not fill it up with more than ten things (five is better). It might have things like:

Your son’s speech therapy
A clean kitchen and bathrooms
Self-care on Sunday evenings (husband babysits)
Mother daughter date night on Saturday
Social time—mother’s morning out?

After looking at the list, I would try to figure out what I can outsource. Can you afford a cleaning lady once a week? Can you hire a college student to drive your son to his therapy classes? Can your mom come over once every two weeks to watch the kids while you tackle laundry? Can you pump or give formula more often to give yourself a break from the newborn while your husband takes over? Can you have your groceries delivered, or order online and have your husband pick them up?

I also like to set myself up for as many “easy victories” as possible. This will vary from person to person...for me, it gives me a sense of accomplishment to make my bed every morning, always have my diaper bag ready to go, have a daily schedule that is flexible but very specific, and meal prep lunches and dinners when I can. The more routine, the less, “What do I do next??” anxiety I have.

I think the key might be something like what James Clear talks about in his book, Atomic Habits. You don’t have to change everything overnight. Try to focus on making things 1% easier / better, one task at a time, and all those very small changes will add up to a significant shift.

This might not be an option right now, depending on how sleep deprived you are, but I’m finding that it’s worth it to go to bed earlier and wake up an hour before my kids. Even if I do absolutely nothing but lay in bed on my phone, I still feel better than if I had went from sleep to full mom mode immediately. I try to use that time to plan out my day, take a shower, read a book or go for a morning walk. If that isn’t possible right now, just keep in mind that it will be, say, six months from now. Things ARE going to get easier. Don’t lose sight of that!

i totally feel you on this, and definitely agree with the advice to give yourself a break and lower your expectations where you can. they will not be this little and needy forever.

that said, for me what has helped me feel more ahead of the game is really working to have a routine that accomplishes the things that i really care about and felt like i was letting slide. one of our biggest struggles lately have been evenings, because my son's bedtime was such a mess. i spent a few concerted weeks being a little more rigid about it, and then making a point of spending some time right after he goes down picking up around the house. then, when i sit back down to work in the evenings, i feel much more productive. now i'm working on doing better with morning routines, because i know they could be more efficient.

for me i put a lot of stock in routine because it takes the mental energy out of everything. i don't have to wonder what to do next and then double check that i've done everything. sometimes to me that is the biggest battle. of course, little ones love to throw wrenches in routines, but i feel like they are worth the effort of keeping up.

we've had minor health and other issues lately that require appointments, so i totally sympathize as well on how much those can interrupt your normal routines. i find it helps where possible to schedule appointments for the same general time so you can have an "appointment day" routine, but of course that's easier said than done.

I feel you! Although you definitely have way more on your plate than I do! We're expecting #2 and with two working parents, limited budget (so no one cleaning my house for me!), it's definitely a lot of work and I feel overwhelmed a lot too.

I think sitting down and listing out everything that goes on, and seeing what the priorities are will help. Over the years since kids, I've lowered my expectations A TON on non-priority things. DH & I just split up the work how it make sense the most, not necessary just to be even.

And these early years, I really just have zero me time and rarely and date nights. BUT having some order to the household and our lives do give me sanity.

Oops I meant to say expecting #3 above