Background: my in-laws are dairy farmers who have a very old-fashioned view of how things should be done and have been very sheltered from things. They are wonderful people with huge hearts who love us very much, but they are also very strong minded, opinionated, and stubborn. Because they still operate a family farm, myself, DH and DS stay with them (45 mins from our house) almost every weekend, Fri to Sun. I do this for my DH, who enjoys the work and feels obligated to help, as well as for my DS since I want him to have a very close relationship with his grandparents and his aunt/uncle who live next door.

DS is 15 months old. My in-laws have made passive comments about how we do things, and I try to explain and drop it. I try to pick my battles and in the last few months I'm much less protective and more relaxed.

The fight:
DH stayed at the farm Sun and Mon night, so I started sleep training DS to wake up later in the morning. (get 3 oz bottle, change dipe while drinking, put back in crib with bottle and pacifier in his other hand.) DS did wonderfully and the first morning he was quiet in his crib from 5:50am to 7:00am. The next morning he went back to sleep at 5:45 until 7:15am.

So we went back to the farm on Tuesday night to spend the 4th with DH and his family. Wednesday morning we go through the same routine with DS. He is in his crib, fussing, but not really crying. It's a mix of babbling and fussing.

DH and I were going back and forth about whether to get him or not. I was adamant that we decided to do this, so we need to stick to it. FIL was in the living room, able to see strait down the hallway where DH and I were. I was tired and frustrated, DH was worried and FIL was pissed. He ended up saying "this is child abuse".

I lost it. I got emotional, grabbed DS from his room and packed my stuff. At first I was going to go back home. To make things worse DH told me if I left his father would have another heart attack. I was able to keep my head and I told DH that I needed to leave with DS right this minute, but that we would come back. I made sure FIL knew we would come back, since I didn't want him worrying that he'd never see his grandson again, though it was certainly going through my head that I never wanted to return ever again.

I was (and am!) so furious. I've calmed down a lot more. I know that he didn't intentionally hurt me, but he did nonetheless. He was upset that I was trying to get Logan to sleep during a time of day that, when we are there, FIL gets to spend with DS. They are awake that early because of the farm, so he didn't understand why I'd want DS to get more sleep.

But DS only takes one nap at daycare since he's the youngest by a year. He won't sleep when he knows they are awake. So transitioning from 2 naps on the weekends to one somewhat longer nap during the week is tough on him. (He really seems to want 2 separate naps when he's not at daycare). He also falls asleep on the way to daycare once or twice a week, since he's already been up since 5:30 when I drop him off at 8. The extra hour and a half of sleep is good for DS. I'm not doing it so it is more convenient for me or to take time with DS away from my inlaws.

He did apologize when I went back and I made sure to say that FIL/MIL were very important to me and I want them to be close to DS, but they need to be aware that I can't take comments about my parenting abilities or choices, and there are some limits they need to respect or we won't be there. They kept interrupting me, and while I know FIL is sorry for the comment, they didn't really let me say everything I wanted to.

But I am done just sucking it up. I am trying to be more confident so I can stand up for myself more and not take their comments or different opinions so personally.