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I think that if you don't mind stepping it up a notch, then just talk to him that some (or most) of the clothes he buys for you just don't look good on you, or you feel uncomfortable in them. Maybe it's time to spend a little time shopping for yourself, if you do want to please him more in this area (which seems like you don't mind doing), but definitely let him know that what he picks for you, while a SUPER nice gesture, are not working!

Also I'd try to get to the bottom of where these comments originate from. Maybe guys from work have wives that look like "those" moms and he feels like he needs to measure up? You listed some reasons that he's stressed and not feeling great in general, I'd maybe dig deeper to see how you can better understand where he's really coming from.

DH does not care about clothes/fashion at all, so when I dress I dress for myself! But I do agree that I probably should step up my game when we do go out for dinner, etc. I only get dressed up/made up when we go to weddings and formal events lol.

Yikes...

Agree with @.twist.: that if you don't like what he's buying for you, you should tell him to stop buying you stuff. And that if he REALLY wants to be helpful, he'll watch your LO for a couple hours while you go out and do some shopping yourself!

Is this behavior new or has he always been trying to push you to wear different clothes than what you would normally wear? I would be very concerned if my husband suddenly started taking THAT BIG of an interest in what I wore everyday. While some of my going-out clothes are very nice and my husband loves them, for the most part, he doesn't give a crap about what I wear and would never attempt to buy me something!

If you are interested in freshening up your style but maybe not in the way he is suggesting (like, you don't mind some new/different clothes but don't like what he's buying you) why don't you go to a store that has a person shopper? I know that J Crew has them, if that's your style. You could sit with somebody, talk about what your goals are and what you do and don't feel comfortable with, and they could help you find something that you're happy in but that might also please your husband?

What he is doing is not okay and if my husband tried that, I would be very upset.

If you don't mind trying to step it up and get some new clothes, I would absolutely go with a personal shopper and get some nice things that reflect YOUR style. If your pre-baby clothes are over 4 years old, yeah, it might be time to update your wardrobe a bit, but the way he is going about it is not nice.

My intention is not to bash your husband, but I feel obligated to state that from my perspective the behaviors you are describing constitute emotional abuse.

To offer some perspective: My husband has gained weight while completing an intense training requirement for his job. I have not said a word to him about it, and when he told me that his father said something to him about it I defended him and told him that its fine that his priority is not on weight loss, and I"d rather have an engaged partner and father than a skinny husband. There just isn't time for everything. That said, I know that the way he looks bothers him, so we saved up and have purchased a treadmill, we made space for a weigh machine. On the weekends I always suggest walks or skis together. I try to prepare healthy meals and purchase healthy snacks. My husband knows what he looks like, its not my business to tell him. And I love him for who he is.

I understand wanting to look nice for you partner. I think thats healthy! Tell him you'd like to make a change, take that 600.00, leave the baby with your husband, and go buy some clothes that you like.

My husband doesn't care what I wear. He waits until I've changed my outfit like 6 times before going out and then tells me I look nice. He encourages me to buy things for myself occasionally (we are on a tight budget right now). As I'm thinking about it, just about anything I do to "take care" of my appearance is because it makes me feel good.

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Hm. If I were in this position I would probably freak out. However, you seem to be taking a very understanding approach to your DH, and that is probably good. So, to try to be constructive... if this is a weird way his stress is coming out, I do believe sometimes we have to tolerate/ make allowances for our loved ones. I might make a little effort if it was very important, but only what I was comfortable with. Me personally, there are no high heels going near my feet unless it is by some crazy whim my own choice- those damage your feet. My feet are kinda screwed up from years of that kind of torture.

I would probably tell him if I really didn't like something. How about shopping online together?

There are two issues here: Your expressed desire to step it up a bit and your husbands behavior.

Let me just say, if you want new clothes go for it! But even if you did start to dress like Jennifer Lopez I believe he would still exhibit this behavior in other ways. I don't think you buying a few new garments is going to fix the issue. The one line that concerns me is that he gets very upset if you wear something unflattering. I hope you don't take this as bashing, just my .02

No joke- I live in black chuck taylors (or rain boots), leggings, and some kind of oversized sweatshirt or oversized button up. All the time. I've asked M if he cares- nope- if he did I would make more of an effort. I feel good about myself and think I look good. Who cares if I look "like a Mom" I am one and I'm proud of that. A few times a year for weddings or other big events like family photos I get my makeup done (sometimes hair too) sometimes I rent a dress from Rent The Runway. I absolutely love getting all dolled up.

Perhaps getting your hair and makeup done and a new dress and a night out on the town would be fun?

Okay, so we did have a smaller version of this - I had fallen into a pattern of putting on my PJs after work every single day and after a few weeks, my DH said something like "I like it when you wear nice clothes....". I got the message that yes, we may be married and have a kid, but taking care of myself is still important to him.

Maybe you can offer to meet him halfway? Say "I recognize you care about how I look and I will do my best within the boundaries of what's comfortable for me". Beyond that, he needs to get over it. If my DH asked me to wear heels, I'd laugh. But I do 'try harder' now than I used to.

@irene: many hugs. thanks for being open and honest with us. i didn't mean to bash, but looking back i realize i said some things you already knew so it sounded like bashing--my bad.

So I don't like the way your husband is handling it. I think he's being really forceful and not respectful of your wishes or your feelings.

With that said, I can kind of sort of maybe identify with how he's feeling on some small level. My husband has gotten in a rut of wearing the same exact thing every single weekend day. As in, he has this favorite sweatshirt and he puts it on when he gets up early in the morning and never changes. Both Saturday and Sunday. I started semi joking with him that I was going to burn it. He was also doing this weird thing where he was putting too much gel in his hair and he was just looking...not sexy. Just greasy, and not sexy.

On the weekends I don't go crazy, but I try to have cute-ish stuff I can wear even if we're just running errands. I don't expect him to go all out, but I told him I'd like it if he just had more variety and took the tiniest bit more effort.

So my suggestions for you are to have your DH go shopping with you. Go to Nordstrom, get a personal shopper, and try to find some stuff that he feels makes you look good, but you feel comfortable in too. You should be able to veto anything you don't like, like jeggings that are too tight and heels that impractical. Get some regular every day stuff that your husband and you can appreciate. And then maybe get a couple date night outfits and a pair of shoes he thinks are sexy - maybe a pair of wedge boots as a compromise? With the understanding that those things are for dressing up/special occasions and you're not going to wear heels to do school pick up.

If he can't respect your feelings on not wanting to wear certain things, then I think maybe he has a bigger problem that needs to be addressed.

Idk honestly, I don't really see anything inherently wrong with him Kindly voicing his opinion. I understand it might hurt to hear, but I feel like there's a double standard here. Too often when women complain about their husbands style, the top advice isn't deal with it, it's buy him clothes you like. But when it comes from a man its wrong and I can't get on board with that.

I think there's middle ground here. Maybe you can try and put a little more effort into your appearance without going over the top in things you're uncomfortable with. You can look cute in yoga pants and a matching top vs ratty sweats.

Lastly, speak up! If you don't like what he buys say thanks for thinking of me but I'm not comfortable in this.

I think it's really important to not let yourself go for multiple reasons - health, your own mental and physical well being, but also for your relationship. It doesn't sound like he's being completely unreasonable in his requests.

I didn't straighten my hair or wear eyeliner for a while after baby, but even those two little things that take 5 minutes make a world of difference in how I look and feel and DH notices, too. It's a win for everyone.

@.twist.: don't get the vibe from the original post he's forcing her. Sounds like she's still wearing her old clothes...

Firstly, you are a mom, so maybe it could be ok to look like who you are? Secondly, why does he get to move the goalposts of his expectations of you? It would be one thing to hear 'I miss you dressing and looking like you used to look' - but to hear that all of the sudden he wishes you looked an entirely new way - what is that? How is that ok?

First off, I am very sorry you are going through this. It sounds immensely hurtful and overwhelming.

I think there's a difference between suggesting and dictating, encouraging and deflating. I definitely don't think your husband is going about expressing his feelings in a kind, loving way. Quite the opposite, really. I'd even agree with @Silva: and gently warn you that his behavior actually seems a bit emotionally abusive. But I see you've already read up and understand that, so I will stop there.

It sounds like dressing provocatively was never your thing, before or after motherhood. You didn't go from burlesque dancer to frump city. You said you liked your style; felt you looked good. I would be concerned that your husband was attempting to fashion you into something that doesn't ring true to you, as a person. It is also incredibly hurtful that he is comparing you to women he clearly finds more desirable. Not cool, and certainly not doing much to raise you up and make you feel like his first choice - the way a spouse realistically should feel. 

While diet and exercise can do wonders, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding can evoke permanent changes, in a woman's body. You really should not be forced to feel shame to such a degree. You also shouldn't feel pressured to wear stripper heels while chasing after a curious, high energy preschooler. That's just crazy.

Personally, I'd get to the root of this issue. I am not sure it is entirely based on clothing choices. I don't want to make wild assumptions, but some of the info provided here has lead me to believe that there is some real resentment and disappointment over your son's presence in your lives. I understand and relate to the shock of new parenthood, but your son is four years old and your husband is still talking about how he never envisioned his life, with a kid. His greatest fear is that you'll start to look like a "mom," like there's something inherently wrong with that. That's really something you need to talk about, together. Circumstances change after children, and they effect every flippin' aspect of our lives - our bodies, our style, our finances, our priorities and our pleasures. I definitely think that element should be explored, because it sounds like it plays a major role, here.

Wishing you luck!

I think most other posters have covered what I would have said. I just want to say that I'm sorry that you are going through this. It can't be doing much to help your self esteem or make your home life a happy place sometimes. I know this has to be very hurtful and scary. If it were me, I would be very sad that my husband was so unhappy with his current life that he was projecting it onto me as some sort of midlife crisis relief. (sorry if that sounds harsh, but it seems to be what is going on here.) I just want you to know that I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope DH will see a counselor and get some help so he can figure out what his problem is, because its not what you are wearing that is the true issue. xoxox.

@gingerbebe: first paragraph... That's a bingo!

OP, remember he is choosing to be with ypu., stay with you, etc. It is always his choice, even when he expresses regrets or frustration. You're not on the hook for his choices.

Oof this would upset me a great deal...buuuuttt ithe sounds like you agree on some level that you'd like to change the way you dress. Firstly I would talk to your husband and say that while you understand what he's saying, the method is hurting your feelings. Then I'd make a personal stylist appointment and buy some things that you like, you can make compromises like form fitting but comfortable, wedge heels or something etc. Then maybe you can make a plan with your husband to have a 'date' (even coffee or anything just the two of you) a week where you'll dress up (in what's comfortable to you and hopefully pleasing to him.)

@irene: There are Louboutin flats! http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/body-strass-flat.html

You can both have your way, haha. On a slightly more serious note: Does your DH have a super rockin body, go to the gym all the time, wear super trendy clothes? I guess I've known a few couples in my time where one spouse was very fit and image conscious and the other wasn't and I guess that can be a problem in a relationship just because the hobbies and eating and priorities are all different. So wondering if it's that type of thing.

If it isn't...and your husband looks like a typical 40 year old dad dude, then I think this is a lot more about him and less about you and what you wear.