I was 5 weeks pregnant (2nd pregnancy) and miscarried. I am really having a hard time - there are moments where I am okay them I am overwhelmed with this sadness. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up and then I feel sad ... I did not expect it to be this difficult ... I know it will take time but I am constantly blaming myself - was is something I ate or did to cause this ... I'm so nervous to try again and then go through this again I am absolutely devastated
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
I just want to hug you right now. You did nothing wrong. Seriously, I understand exactly what you are feeling and thinking right now. With my first loss, I remember crying while watching a tv show and thinking in my head, I can't be pregnant if I am constantly going to cry at dumb things! And then I found out a week later that the baby had died. I thought for sure that it was because I had that thought a week earlier.
Getting pregnant again was tough, I'm not gonna lie. Once you've experienced a loss, the joy of pregnancy is essentially ripped away from you. It is scary and not particularly fun, but you will still be able to enjoy parts of it. Reach out to people on here, we are a great resource. And don't discount your loss because it was early. It is a loss no matter what and it is emotionally difficult to navigate.
coffee bean / 36 posts
@Mrs. Cereal: Thank you so much for messaging me and sharing your experience! I hesitated reaching out on here but I am already glad I did because reading your message is already helping ... I am hoping with time i'll feel better... and to anybody else who may read this board and has gone through a loss I am sending you lots of love
pear / 1728 posts
I'm sorry for your loss.
I went on a trip to San Francisco right before I found out I was pregnant and drank pretty heavily with DH one night. When I miscarried I blamed myself for drinking that night, for drinking too much caffeine, and pushing too hard during my workouts.
So - I totally understand where you're coming from but please don't feel like it's your fault. I think it's normal to search for a reason when things go wrong. My OB insisted that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to cause or prevent my miscarriage.
grapefruit / 4466 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss
I had a miscarriage that started with an SCH, in which the doctor recommended bed rest and other restrictions prior to the heartbeat stopping. It was hard not to feel like I may have done something wrong, but we tested the tissue and there was a genetic abnormality incompatible with life. There was nothing bed rest, hydration, etc could have done, and the vast, vast majority of miscarriages are like this.
nectarine / 2431 posts
@lunalove20: I am so sorry for your loss. I had two losses before my son and often wondered if I did something wrong or if my body failed me and couldn't carry a baby. Well, I got pregnant again with my son and am currently 31 weeks with #2. I didn't do anything differently. I agree with @periwinklebee: that most early pregnancy losses are simply chromosomal abnormalities that make the baby incompatible with life. I'm not saying that it makes things any easier because it doesn't, but it should take the blame off of you. Hugs.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
@lunalove20: I'm so sorry. I blame myself too. This was years ago and I won't go into details, but I do feel it was my fault. Only, any doctor will say that's not possible, miscarriage just happens and the idea that we "did something wrong" is all in our heads.
cantaloupe / 6085 posts
Just chiming in to say me too ... so you know how many of us have been there. But it was not your fault, even though we all think it when it happens to us. Trying again is hard - don’t rush it before you feel ready - but there is a lot of support on here to help you navigate that. I don’t know what I would have done post my last (5th) loss without these boards. So so many hugs
grapefruit / 4770 posts
This breaks my heart. It can feel like a lonely road to be on but it doesn’t have to be. We are here for you. It’s okay to feel however you are feeling at this exact moment in time. I had a loss at 8 weeks in April. It was a rollercoaster of appointments and ups and downs just to lose the pregnancy. While DH and my family moved on I was the one still feeling empty and sad. Many many hugs.
coffee bean / 42 posts
I’m so sorry for your loss. Absolutely nothing you did caused this!!! There are so many DNA replications and interactions that have to go exactly right for a fetus to develop, and there’s nothing we can do about them. I had a miscarriage four months ago, and I know it’s so easy to blame yourself for doing something wrong, but the biological reality is that this is just out of our control. I hope you get your rainbow when you’re ready!
coffee bean / 36 posts
I just want to thank everyone who messaged me on here! I can't thank you guys enough for taking the time to respond and sharing your experiences. All of you kind words and encouragement mean so much and have helped me feel a little better as I continue to accept and make peace with what has happened. Also, for anyone who has also experienced loss I am sending you my love. Thanks again - such a beautiful group of people here supporting one another ~ it is really an inspiration