It's really difficult to admit that because I'm a teacher and I'm supposed to care about my job. I'm supposed to devote every fiber in my being to it. But I don't. I miss my DS. I worry about having him in daycare. Don't get me wrong, I care about my students, but it takes all the energy I can muster to go to work everyday and do the work. Going above and beyond is impossible right now. I'm lucky that I do like my job and I'm hoping that my feeling of commitment to it will return. But right now I'm not feeling it. Thanks for listening.
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**hugs**
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Is this your first time back at work after the birth of your child? I can only tell you my experience was that the first 5 months of it were an adjustment period, with the schedule changes, the sickness, the feelings of missing important stuff. I thought about quitting regularly in my first three months back.
Then something just clicked and it's been great! Here's hoping that happens for you too!
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I feel you. It's rough but since you like you job the commitment to it should follow soon enough.
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I have gone through funks like that and I don't even have a lo yet. When it happens I try to change things up a bit, bring a more interesting lunch, treat myself to coffee out on a random day etc. I try to schedule a mental health day for about two weeks out and schedule something fun for that day. Reading or listening to something inspiring that pertains to work helps, there are some great ted talks on education. Then I tell myself to get through X, if it isn't better by then I will look into a bigger change.
I work with kids too so I know the guilt that comes with it, I just do my best and give myself a little leeway. I hope you find what you need!
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I feel you. I really felt like this while I was buying my house, planning my wedding, TTC and pregnant.... Im on mat leave now and really hope I can find the love for it again when I go back or I don't know how I will leave DD each day. I hope things fall into place for you and you get the passion back again.
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@Katrocap: hugs! being a teacher is tough!!! and on top of that leaving your baby. i hope things get better for you and in the meantime don't stress if you can't give 110%!
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@Katrocap: I could have written this myself a few weeks ago. I went back at the beginning of this year but due to the same exact feelings as you, I gave notice and Friday was my last day. I am very fortunate to be able to have done that.
I kept saying to my DH, I love work when I'm at work but I simply don't have the motivation to do all of the extra work required after the school day is over. With a brand new curriculum, I couldn't just walk in and wing it everyday. I was waking up every morning unbelievably stressed because I was unprepared for the day. I don't know what you teach but please message me if there is ANYTHING I can do to help! I have a coworker with a new baby as well and I am helping out with her grading and lesson plans so she can stay above water.
In the meantime, check out the link I posted yesterday. It will definitely give you motivation because even if you aren't giving it your all, you're still doing one hell of a job!!!!!!!!!
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@Katrocap: I can't remember, but did you just start the year after being home with a new baby? I went back from maternity leave last January and it was Tough. I kept wondering if I should stay with my job or quit to stay at home or switch schools or go work in a daycare, etc, etc. I kept thinking "If I have to be away from my boy, I should love my job 100%!"
But that's not realistic. It's okay to spend time missing your baby. It's okay to not feel super passionate about your job every day. It's okay to say, "I just want to make it through today so I can see my family." Teaching is a career that calls for a lot of dedication and most teachers are very passionate about it. That doesn't mean you can't be a good teacher if you don't "care" all the time.
I do love my job & my students, but I also leave school no later than 45 minutes after the bell and I don't work nights or weekends. I'm not a bad teacher, I just prioritize my family over work - and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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Thanks to everyone for your replies! I truly appreciate the support.
@looch: Yes, I went back 4 weeks ago after being off since December. Because of daycare hours and sharing a car with my DH, I can't come in early or stay late, so I've been feeling like I am missing important stuff. Glad to hear things clicked for you after 5 months. There's hope!
@cole: I LOVE your idea of scheduling a mental health day 2 weeks out and then looking forward to it. Inspirational articles, talks, etc. do often motivate me. And treating myself to coffee, well, guess who's getting Starbucks this morning!
@mrs.taco: Thank you so much for your offer! I'm sure I will be PMing you. I'm glad you're able to stay home with your LO. Unfortunately, that's not an option for us. I haven't checked out your link yet, but I will!
@joyfulkiwi: I went back to work last month after 8 months of maternity leave. I know I'm so lucky to have spent so much time at home with DS, so I also feel a little guilty that I'm even complaining now! Thanks, though for your comments. You mention that you never leave school more than 45 minutes after the bell. I think that's another reason I'm feeling unenthusiastic right now: I can't stay much at all after the bell. DH and I share a car and because of DS's daycare hours, I basically can only work my contracted hours and no more. I am literally putting in the minimum amount of time at work and I also feel guilty about that.
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@Katrocap: I don't have much time now but don't feel guilty about only putting in your contracted hours. An administrator once told me that teachers' careers go in cycles - before kids, kids, and after kids. During the kids time you will be busy beyond belief and barely make it to work on time and leave as soon as the bell rings and that's ok. One day you will be back to putting in more time when your child is grown. I'm back at work, also teaching, after giving birth in June. I hate leaving my almost 12 week old but I have to. Hugs!
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I write this while pumping during my planning period.
@swedishfish: I LOVE what your administrator said. Thank you for sharing that. I just wish everybody thought that way. I may be just projecting my fears, but I worry that my coworkers, and of course my principal, who's not the most sensitive chap, will judge me poorly for the less than 100% I can give everyday. Honestly, some days (like now, when I'm working off of 5 hours sleep because DS woke up 3 times last night), 50% is about all I can do.
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Just wanted to share my frustration ...
Pumped for 30 minutes and only got 3 oz! (should have been 8) Aargh ....
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so i guess this is what i can look forward to? I'm three weeks out from my due date and not very busy at work all i can think of is getting home to do all the last minute prep for baby and taking a nap I can only imagine whats going to happen after spending 3 months home with her
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@Katrocap: I agree with the "cycle" comment from @swedishfish. Teachers are allowed to have their own lives to attend to (unlike 100s of years ago). I've found that I need to really maximize my school time. It takes me a month or more at the beginning of each year to find my groove & figure out my priorities so I can get everything done in the least amount of time.
If I wasn't able to stay after school/come in early at all, I would make a "home" pile of the mundane tasks that eat up my time each day. Grading, creating anchor charts, etc. I'd focus my work time on things like straightening up, gather supplies, etc. I found this article: http://thecornerstoneforteachers.com/2012/10/how-to-work-a-40-hour-week-as-a-teacher.html and it helped me out a lot.
Also, for pumping - stress really does affect output. So it may be difficult, but relax while you pump. Don't do work if it stresses you, don't feel bad if you're not working, do whatever it takes to make yourself calm.
I know things will shake out for you soon. It all ebbs and flows. Don't worry about co-workers unless they say something about it - they most likely aren't judging you at all. Or will be shocked, like my AP, when I mentioned I run on 5 hours of sleep a night! Sometimes people just aren't thinking about that
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@Chillybear: don't worry! just enjoy the time with your baby. going back to work seems like the worst, but after a few months it will be okay!
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