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lots of hugs. it is hard. i totally understand the "it takes a village" saying now. we moved to a new area a few years before LO was born and not having friends is really weighing on me.

i felt terrorized by my LO's naps in the early months. literally, i would just sit there, practically rocking back and forth and *waiting* for him to cry because i knew it would either be 20 minutes or 45 minutes. it gave me PTSD. i couldn't stop hearing him cry even if he wasn't.

i don't have a lot of words of advice, just hugs.

@sslm: :::hugs::: wish we could hang out!
When I moved to a new city, I got a part time retail job to meet people. I only works two nights a week for a few hours but the friends I made are lifers

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I agree with the PP, get fresh air, it really is nature's cure. Also, you need adult time, can you join a local book club or maybe the Y to meet other adults your age. One it will give you energy, two you can meet new friends and possibly have people to socialize with.

Are there any mom's in your play group you think you can connect with on a friendship level?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and I can totally relate. We are far away from both of our families and none of our friends have kids yet, so the first year was just rough. What I can tell you is that it does get better. My LO is 15 months old now and I feel like we can do so much more - plus, her naps are consistent and I get some peace when she's asleep during the day.

For me, making friends through mom groups didn't work so well. I don't know why, but I just found it hard to connect with people. What did work is joining the local branch of a women's group that does volunteer work as well as social stuff. Some of the women are moms, some are single, but I've made a lot of friends. And now some of the women with children are people I see for playdates during the week or the occasional drink in the evening while our husbands look after the kids. I love it because it gives me adult time and makes me feel more like my "old" self, which is something I struggled with a lot after I had a baby and became a SAHM.

Oh honey, I wish I lived closer, I would come give you a big hug.

I have been where you are and it is effing hard. I wish I had good advice for you. In my case, the thing that helped the most was talking about it. I was bottling it all up inside and when I finally started talking about it - talking about how alone I felt, talking about how I didn't LOVE motherhood like everyone seemed to think I should - that's when I started to feel better. I also make a conscious decision to just surrender to my new life and stop trying to live the way I did pre-baby.

Those short naps are killer and I know what you mean. We went through a period of short naps and it's like I'm shell-shocked now because I still look at the monitor with trepidation and I can't have the sound turned on during the day because it stresses me out too much.

Do you have a momstown.ca group in your area? I joined the one here recently and have found it to be worth the membership fee. (I just looked on the website and there is one in your city)

Hmm...what else? I find getting outside for walks is helpful....vitamin D + a bit of a meditative walk does the mind and body good.

Any luck with M taking a bottle? If so, can your DH do bedtime so that you can do something for yourself in the evening?

Big hugs. PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Hugs hugs hugs!!

My dh works 12-12.5 hr shifts + OT often and in the earlier months (til ~7?) when LO needed to nap more I did the same thing. Still don't have a ton of friends but am going back to work soon and have already gone back to grad school. I just don't think permanent SAHMhood is for everyone...not me. One year in it is A LOT more enjoyable though! Seeing people is easier when lo doesn't need to nap so frequently, and getting out to school and work has helped me feel like myself again.

Know that you can take a moment (or 2 or 3) to yourself even when LO is awake... Independent play is ok for awhile. You may notice a pattern..for my dd this is easier to do in the morning. Also, going on walks can sometimes lift both your and baby's moods. Lots of babies like to be outside and while walking you don't have to try so hard to entertain.

I know you said your ILs are busy but if you could prearrange some time away (a night, a weekend, etc) that could help too.

Hugs!

Hugs

I can commiserate with the naps.... my wonderful napper is now lucky to sleep 45 mins max after a 20 min battle to get her down and it really does suck! There is no chance to recharge. It is exhausting being so constantly on. I don't know what to do about it so am just trying to hang on *hugs*

I'm sorry, you deserve hugs. I felt similarly on maternity leave. I can still barely handle the 30 minute naps on the weekend and that's only two days.

Have you shared contact information with the other moms at the playgroup? When I want company I send out a facebook message to the mommy group saying "LO and I are headed to the park/Target/wherever if anyone wants to join." You might get a more personal connection with some of the women that way.

Could you go visit your family for a few days for a change of pace and to get some help during the days?

I just saw this post and wanted to send more virtual hugs. Like many PPs, I've been there too. I was way ahead of my friends and sisters on the baby front and felt incredibly isolated. My LOs have been the worst cat mappers as well. It does get better!!

I am pathologically incapable of staying home so I find things to do... Lots of things. Swimming, music classes, library rhyme time... Catch up with people I barely knew and reconnected with cousins who have small children etc. I've been lucky to find some great "mom" friends who live nearby and we support each other and hang out, but it took til my first LO was about 6 months for that to happen. I was floundering.
I really wished I'd been a bit more proactive about finding time to myself - it gives you that breathing space to deal with the baby again. I felt like I was being held hostage by a tiny terrorist too
http://Www.troublesometots.com has some great articles on napping etc too. Saved my sanity. Hang in there, you will be ok, it just sucks right now. Wish I didn't live so far away or I'd have you over for a cup of tea!!!

@sslm: So sorry you're feeling this way sweetie! Just wanted to say I can understand in a lot of ways. DH usually works late and rushes to get home by 9pm to do bath time. Everyone works and I did fee lonely a lot from months 2-4. And I have the serial catnapper. I'm totally satisfied if she gets in a 30 min. nap!

What helps me is to get out of the house. Like, every single day. I end up meeting and talking to lots of moms this way. Even if I don't ever see them again, it's nice to have someone to talk to. I'd tell DH somedays I felt like a mute if I didn't have a conversation with anyone all day. It's really lonely in that way. Around month 5, I had several moms come up to me and suggest some Meetup.com groups. And I can say between 2 groups, the calendar of events is almost too overwhelming now! It's taken about a month, but I'm starting to click with certain moms and even met up with a couple outside of the massive group today. And it was really fun! Definitely just getting out for lunch and a stroll, it ate up a BIG portion of the day. I've also started a swimming class and looking into other classes and activities to do with the baby. I realize the baby might not need the classes as much as I do, but it's nice to have an activity to look forward to and adult interaction every day. HUGS!