She is two and ridiculously excited to tell dh stuff- like that there is a butterfly on her shirt or she is wearing purple pants or whatever. It is so cute, but he frequently ignores her because he is doing something, like checking Facebook or watching a show or straightening the kitchen. Really? How hard is it to just acknowledge her? It bugs me on two levels- 1 because it is just rude to ignore somebody and 2 because even though we both work I am primary caregiver and it would nice for him to engage and give me a break.
Just a vent. He is generally a good partner and this is a new thing as LO's language explodes. But I have literally yelled, 'STOP ignoring her! Tell her to wait or answer her!'
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No advice but I can see my DH doing the same thing when LO gets older.
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That sounds really frustrating. Have you had a chance to talk to him about it when you aren't in the heat of the moment?
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I can see why you would be upset. I think he needs a "come to Jesus" talk as this could be detrimental to her self-esteem and relationship with her dad long term.
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I've had to talk to DH about this before. He loves her desperately but she will be looking at him, babbling to him or following him around the house (She's 10 months) & he just won't acknowledge her at all. I had to tell him that she is begging for his attention & he needs to remember that he doesn't get to just do what he wants with out regard to us anymore. I think that the "begging for attention" line really got to him because he has been doing better.
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@lizzywiz: I would definitely talk to him about it. An idea is having "total on" time- we kind of do this- like if I have to do some business dh needs to be "100 % on"- even if he needs a snack or something or has to use the restroom- these are just examples but maybe if he needs a minute then you can switch off being "all on"- if the other person needs a break? Or maybe it is all on all the time, but either way I hope you find some resolution from talking it out and it changes.
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@PermaStudent: @simplyfelicity: @Mrs. Sunshine: @Greentea: You are all completely right that we need to talk about it. I guess I didn't realize how much it has been bothering me.
In truth, I don't think he is ignoring her in the sense that he is choosing to not respond- I think he really just tunes her out completely, like @Mrs. Sunshine: said. he is just doing his own thing, regardless of how things have changed.
Good idea @Greentea: . This will give me a platform to start the conversation because I can talk about it as something we BOTH need to do.The other part of the back story is that I know I respond to her TOO much. I didn't mean to, but I have become that parent who interrupts the conversation either to answer LO or to tell her to wait. Kind of embarrassing
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@lizzywiz: My DH does this too (though C doesn't actually use words yet, at 1 year). I SAH and he works fairly long hours, so he has a really small window when he is home and she is awake. I have to remind him that he can check Reddit in 20 minutes after she goes to bed. I know he needs time to unwind after work, but his time with her is short and sometimes I need to remind him of that.
However, I've gotten better about not guilt tripping him about it and now I can say something calmly, like, Oh she's going to bed in 15 minute, you should play with her now before we have to put her down (vs my previous "I would think you would WANT to spend time with her but I guess your phone is more important"
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I get bent out of shape about this very issue as well. I get so mad when my DH plays with his phone instead of paying E attention. Delving deep, though, I know that this is maybe 30% about LO and 70% about a long standing issue I have about DH ignoring me to play with his phone!!
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This drives me crazy too! Now that my son is 3 and in the why stage it's even worse. My husband works in finance and often has to tune out a lot to focus, so this is a habit that is going to be tough to break. He does this to me too. If my husband is focused on one thing, he literally doesn't hear other people. Drives me crazy! He says he is working on it, but that his brain just doesn't process 2 things at a time.
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@Sparkler: we are getting a lot of 'why's, too. I don't know if this happens to you, but on a selfish note it is infuriating because LO invariably turns to me after failed attempts at engaging dad. I have already enthusiasticly responded the last 63 times, dude, step up and take your turn!
I'm gonna shoot to have the talk after her bedtime tonight- I'll report back.
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