Hellobee Boards

I am sorry. Sounds so tough. Where in NorCal are you? We should do a hellobee Meet up! I am in the east bay by Oakland... Any chance you are close? Anyways, hang in there.

@brownie: that is so so tough. What's up with the family deal? Can you seek them out more?

This summer just pick one thing each week to look forward to. I don't have many friends after having a baby and I totally get that feeling of isolation. It's tough. That's all there is to it. Like I said, hang in there!

@brownie: I am also in the bay area, and would welcome a meet up. It can be rough finding people to hang out with around here. @junebugsmama: if you guys want to do a meet up, I am game! I will be back at work off of leave soon, but Sunday afternoons will still be fairly open for me.

@brownie: what do you miss the most about where you used to live?
We talk about moving closer to DH's family but I am not sure if we will get the support he thinks we will if we move and the job market there is awful.

@brownie: I'm so sorry. I love where we live but I have no friends, mom or otherwise. And it's hard sometimes. I do have one mom friend who I met via HB. But we both work full time and have family obligations so it's hard to get together.

Is your oldest starting K in the fall? I think that will be a good avenue to meet parents??

@brownie: it definitely is hard to meet outside-of-work friends while you are working full-time!

a couple suggestions...

1) join the SAHM club for the summer and go to as many things as you possibly can. i know it will be only for 8 weeks, but try to meet as many people as you can (and have repeat interactions!) so you find a couple people you hit it off with. You can then make plans with outside of working hours. Also, do they do MNO events? my moms club is definitely mostly for support during the day, but we still do MNO for the whole group once/month and for my specific playgroup about as often as well.

2) check meet-up for working moms groups...or try to start one!

3) if you attend church, check to see if they have a moms/parents group...and if not, think about starting one. someone just started one at my church. i'm not particularly church-y, but we moved to a new place about 9 months ago. it's good for repeat interactions (you see everyone each week!), a sense of community, and the moms group for my church is a good mix of working/non-working moms. the events tend to be more MNO and/or family events on the weekends.

it's definitely hard, though! i'm more of an introvert, but i would say after a year i have one good friend (but still not one i would call if i was having a major breakdown...technology to talk to long-distance friends FTW there!), a handful of people i am happy to see & chat with during the week that may eventually become good friends, and a couple friends that i like but we only manage to see very occasionally (schedules are a bitch). i find that it's very easy to meet people when you have kids, but awfully hard to "take it to the next level" so-to-speak!

Im so sorry. Can you also maybe look into just starting a hobby for a while? Scrapbooking or something?

I think it takes more than a year to really settle in someplace new. It's hard!

In my experience, mom groups are not the most productive places to find friends. I tried a bunch of them when we moved to a new spot (and also kids' activities), and although LO and I met some nice people, we didn't really have enough in common to make a friendship last. The best strategy I've found to find friends is to go places and do things that *we* like to do, and to meet people there, because in those places we actually have something in common besides just having kids the same general age. Also, when we moved we put a huge amount of effort into meeting and being friendly with our neighbors. It's SO nice to have people to hang out with who are right next door or just a few doors down.

For a summer I lived in a city by myself where I knew almost no one. I really like being on my own, but being alone that much was definitely hard. It helped to find things to do that I felt comfortable doing on my own, like farmers markets, museums, and outdoor music. Then at least I could get out and feel like I was exploring the area.
When I was a SAHM mom, I didn't know any other stay at home moms in my city because all my friends with kids were working. I joined a moms group when my son was 4 months old, but didn't click with anyone. It was really hard to feel like I'd never have anyone to hang out with, but then I joined a neighborhood parents facebook group and met some people through that. Through that group, I helped start a storytime at a coffee shop in the neighborhood and met more people that way. Commiseration for sure, but also maybe think about taking the opportunity to get out and explore any fun things to do in the area.

@brownie: I completely understand what you are feeling right now. We've made several big moves, and a couple of them have been majorly disappointing (at least at first).

With one of our moves I hated the place, had trouble meeting people, and had some distant relatives an hour away who we rarely saw. It took two years before we found an awesome circle of friends (mostly from church), and to this day, I still miss the great community we had there.

We moved to our current state to be closer to family, and the family hopes have been a bust. Most of them we don't see more frequently. Plus the quality of the interaction is lower since everyone acts like we can get together anytime; whereas before everyone dropped what they were doing to spend quality time with us when we came into town, making a real effort to catch up. The surprising thing for me here is that I actually like the location a lot better than expected, so I've seriously considered staying put. My husband is kinda mad at my family though and wants to leave. He hates it that we are always the ones making the effort, and still they tend to cancel on us or not show up.

After a year I've found some friends and neighbors. It is hard, though. I totally understand the frustration. I like the suggestion to find a meet up group; I think I will give that a try too.

@brownie: I'm in NorCal too, but nearer to Sac. It's sort of a weird place to live - I moved here for law school and we sorta stayed here even though we have no family around and DH commutes out to the Bay several times a week for work. But after 8 years here there's a lot to appreciate. Let me know if I can help.

I've been there and it's TERRIBLE. I moved away from my family and friends for my husband's job and also quit my job to be a SAHM at the same time and it sucked for almost a year. I had one friend and she isn't the best at making plans. It did get easier after a while- I was persistent in stalking down new friends (for instance, my husband had a co-worker who had a baby and I basically forced him to set me up a playdate and she is now a good friend. I also gave my contact info to someone I had seen at the mall playground several times and met up with them for activities a few times).

Some stuff we have done on nights/weekends to meet friends:
-family friendly wineries and breweries! One of the local ones for us even has a playground and some of the others host food trucks.
-afternoon and weekend classes at the rec center
-library events- our local one does monthly movie nights and has some ice cream socials, etc in the evenings

I've found mom groups aren't a great way to make friends, especially if you join after the group has already been established. It's hard to break into a circle. Moms who are out alone are often easier to talk to (and may be just as desperate for a friend as you!!).