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No I wouldn't let my son dress in girls clothing and no birth control for a 10 yr old.

I don't think there's a hard and fast call, it's a personal decision made within each family.
I would tell my ten year old girl that its too early to think about that, probably pull her out of school, and do counseling. 10 is way too young for that, there are health Risks at stake.

If my boy wanted to indentify completely as a girl at 5, I think it's a little young to be fully aware, but he's obviously in need of some counseling as well. If through counseling it becomes clear that this is his path I would be supportive but not encouraging.

Also I think there is a difference between occasional playing with dolls, exploring shoes and clothes (which I would be fine with) and identifying as transgender (using girls restroom, sitting down to pee, certain make believe situations). Those would steer me in the direction to seek family counseling.

I don't think I would let my son dress like a girl...he will wear what I buy him until he can afford his own clothing. Just like I had to wear "ugly" clothes that my mom bought without a fight because that's what my parents provided.

And no, I would never ever give my 10 year-old BC. Ick. When she enters high school, probably.

I@hellocupcake: I guess I don't see the connection between your two examples. Or what either of those has to do with equality? If my ten year old, boy or girl, asked for birth control I'm not sure what Id do. I'd be very upset but not want to shut down communication lines. I completely agree that's way too young and would probably seek out a counselor that we could see.

If my 5 year old wantedtoexplore gender, yes I'd let them. I believe being transgendered isn't a choice but innate so if they truly were I wouldn't want them to start out feeling unsupported. I wouldnt let them do any surgery or hormone therapy until they were 18 - which to me is a big decision and life altering in a way that dressing differently doesnt even compare with.

If it were just a phase then I'd want to not make A big deal of if and let them explore.wearing dresses is hardly the worst thing a kid can do. I don't equate being supportive of kids exploring the opposite gender with being gender neutral or eliminating gender roles.

This is so difficult. LO isn't here yet, so maybe I can't really speculate until I'm in a position where these decisions could be more real. My gut instincts though are telling me to say Yes and Yes, or maybe not Yes straight away for the second but at least have a serious discussion about it. I guess it depends how mature the children are. I don't think either situation is the worst thing a child can choose to do, by far and at least they have the maturity to bring it up with a parent. There are children who have babies at 14 and 15 and older that are possibly less mature than the child in the example above.

I have a 6 year old male cousin. He enjoys getting mani/pedis and wearing dresses. It makes him feel "pretty" and our family is cool with that. He hasn't asked to wear the stuff out in public but he definitely proudly sports his painted nails around town. If dressing like a girl is what makes him happy then so be it (even his father is on board). So yes, if my 5 year old son expressed interests in wearing girls clothes then I would let him explore that.

As for the 10 year old on BC, I don't see these as comparable at all but to answer the question, I'm not really sure how I'd handle that. On one hand, 10 years old is way too young to be having sex but on the other hand, if a kid wants to do something, they'll make it happen in way way or another. I guess if there was even a chance of my child venturing down that road, I'd want her to be properly protected, even if she does go against my obvious wishes for her to wait.

After I saw a profile on "Princess Boy" book and family I asked DH what he thought. He is adamant we enforce gender roles. So if our son wanted to dress up as a princess we would tell him girls are princesses, boys are princes. Now from my perspective his prince costume can have as much glitter, fringe, and ruffles his heart desires.

Children's bodies are developing sooner and they are exposed to too much these days, but at 10 a child is not prepared mentally or emotionally for sex. I would not put my daughter on BC at 10 and I would of course now watch her like a hawk.

I think a lot of these questions just have to be answered on a case by case basis! I don't think a little boy wearing a dress and a little girl wanting to have sex at 10 years old are in the same universe of boundaries. I don't believe there are any real potential negative health impacts of a boy wanting to wear a dress, where the girl situation there are HUGE potential negative impacts of that decision! That's not to say anyone "should" feel comfortable with letting their son dress up as a girl, that's up to each parent individually. But they are not the same.

I have a friend whose little boy - 2.5 years old - loves pink and purple, wants to wear pink chapstick, prefers his sister's undies to his. His parents say "oh haha, maybe someday we'll look back and say we knew way back when" - or maybe it'll pass. but they don't assume anything. They are taking his preferences one day at a time and not freaking out about the future. I think that's the best any of us can do.

ETA: I am also of the frame of mind that being transgender or being gay is not a "decision" anymore than any of us woke up one morning and decided we were straight. I think if kids feel those things from an early age, pretending it's not happening or telling them it's wrong isn't really going to help or change things.

Yes and maybe.

I think more harm is done by forcing a 5-year old to be someone he doesn't want to be than by allowing him to express himself. it may mean something about about his identity as an adult, and it may not. My job as a parent is to love and support my child no matter what. I would let him dress as a girl, and work with the school/childcare to accommodate him. I would also probably look into play therapy, not because I think there is mental illness involved, but because it could make him/her the target of some bullying, and I think therapy is good for everyone (of course, I'm a therapist myself...)

A 10-year old who is expressing interest in having sex is totally different in my mind. I would be deeply concerned about early sexualized behavior, and it being a possible indicator for sexual trauma. I would find her a therapist. I would also have very clear and concerned conversations with her about sex. We would talk to her doctor. If, after therapeutic and medical supports were in place she continued to express a desire to have sex- I have to say I might consider birth control, only because the only thing worse than a 10-year old having sex is a pregnant 10-year old. But my biggest concern in this situation would be that she had been, or was being, sexually abused/assaulted.

@blackbird: "Telling someone who they are/need to be to conform to society is different than a child wanting to make dangerous decisions that have serious health implications." Great statement.

I don't actually see any link between the two examples. One is a kid trying to find their identity, the other is a girl exploring her sexuality. Like some PPs have said, gender identity is not about sexuality.

That being said, I would not have a problem letting my little boy play dress up (I know some little boys with big sisters do), but if it got to the point where he was insisting he was a girl, wanted to use the girl's bathroom, etc., I would definitely head for counseling to find out what was going on. It is possible to *know* you are in the wrong body from that young of an age, but it is also possible to go through a phase, and I would support him either way. I do believe that things like gender identity are not a choice, and I would hate to force him to be something he's not just so people aren't uncomfortable around him.

In the girl's case, she is asking to enter a mature part of her life at too young of an age to understand the very real consequences, and you bet I'd be talking it out with her to find out what was going on, because that isn't 'normal' behavior either.

I wonder what is going on with all the heavy questions lately? I guess it's good if people feel like they are stretching and growing through the answers they read. I took several starts at trying to answer this question, but just couldn't because of the false equivalency between sexuality and gender identity.

I hope all the focus on moral questions is helping people grow rather han functioning to make groups of "they think like I do, so they are all good".

As a Mom of a 4 year old little boy it is completely normal for them to want to play with "girl" things. I DO let my son paint his nails if he wants, play dress up, play baby dolls, etc. It does not hurt him in any way and honestly he is all boy. I personally don't feel the need to push a gender role on him. Does he want to be a girl no but he does enjoy playing with "girl" things at times. In fact he is getting a LaLa Loopsy and a Unicorn glow pet for Easter. If he wanted to wear a dress then so be it. I would let him but no I don't think I would let him full on be transgendered until he was old enough to make the decision (once a teenager).

I really don't see how birth control for a 10 year old can be compared to a little boy dressing as a girl.

My answer to #2 is heck no! No way would I allow my 10 year old to make such a grown up decision. Now if she was 16 and wanted birth control then yes I would get it for her.

I know this was shared a while back, but thought I'd share it again since it connects with this thread. I know DH would do this if our son wanted him to - which is important to me because it means we're on the same page. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/29/nils-pickert-german-dad_n_1840290.html

@Bookworm: @illumina: I think if people are expanding their sphere, it's great... But I don't want anyone saying, "I don't like Jacks because she doesn't think like I do". My real life extends across the spectrum and I'd hate for people to discount my opinions on baby stuff just because of my moral and political beliefs. We are stronger as a community because of our differences, not despite them!

@illumina: @Mrs. Jacks: Same, I don't remember who said what after I closed the thread. If people think like that, it's their loss, but I know I don't work that way. It'd have to be something really horrendous for me to specifically remember someone's post and not like them because of it! And I don't think anyone on here is that evil!

@hellocupcake: Aw don't apologize, I think it's great you started the conversation, and you even say you learned something about the puberty aspect of being transgender. Sure the consensus on this specific thread is that the two examples are different, but that's just a small sample of the HB population, and only some the people who chose to comment on here! I think it was a good way to get the thread started, and I'm glad you wrote it.

@hellocupcake: don't regret. It helps to understand your perspective to help answer the question to address the underlying issue. I guess how I'd respond is that transgender and same sex attraction are not choices.

All you need to do is live in my state and see all the LDS kids hating them selves for what their attraction is. I know a little less about transgender since its a little less common... But you can't pray the gay away (and I've seen lots of teens and young adults try). Trying to deny ones sexuality leads to risky behaviors (being on the down low) and depression/suicidality.

I've seen so many people get married to the opposite sex trying to deny who they are and the suffering that befalls the whole family.

Evidence is mounting that this is most certainly not a "lifestyle choice". I'll try to pull some data for you when I get to my office.