Hellobee Boards

@hellocupcake: I don't think You have anything to apologize for!

Here's one article to get you started on the idea of biological basis:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091302211000227

I think a lot of it would be situation dependent for me. I think it's fine to draw boundaries with children but we also try to look at our child as an individual. 10 years is way too young for sexual activity so there would be some constant supervision going on to try and get her back on the right track. At some point though she's going to have some independence so I'd want to make sure she was safe and knew how to be safe.

I don't like putting labels on young kids. I know plenty of kids who didn't fit into one 'traditional' gender box (well right now it seems people really like for their little girls to be described as boys (even if it's normal little girl behavior) but not the other way around) so I'd avoid making a big deal out of it while trying to also allow them to be an individual. I expect both sons and daughters to play outside and do physical activity, I really don't see that as something gendered - so dresses aren't practical all the time.

I would not let a 10 year old go on BC, I would definitely immediately send her to some sort of sex ed class though.

But, I would let my 5 year old dress in girls clothes. I dont think that that necessarily means my son wants to be transgender, but I do think it's healthy to allow children to explore their gender identity.

We actually have friends dealing with this issue with their 4 year old daughter. She says she is a boy, only wants to wear "boy" underwear, insists on being called a different "boy" name every day, and has declared that she is going to grow a penis when she's five years old.
Maybe she's trans, maybe not. I think plenty of transmen and transwomen knew at that age that their physique didn't match their identity, but I also think four year old kids engage in a lot of experimenting and role play and such. Her parents are totally supportive of whatever makes her happy and confident; they've talked to her school, they've talked to psychologists, her pediatrician, etc., and everyone right now basically tells them to just go with it- let her wear what she wants, call her by her chosen name, etc., and that when she is older and closer to the onset of puberty- and is also more developmentally able to have conversations about her gender identity and her body and how she feels about it- then they'll reassess and see if there's any reason to talk about delaying puberty or taking any other serious steps like that.

DH and I would both be fine with it if LO wanted to wear dresses or nail polish or engage in any traditional "girly" activities.

A 10 year old requesting birth control is an entirely different case- I don't think it's remotely comparable. A ten year old is not capable of giving consent for sexual activity- we would be in therapy if my 10 year old asked for BC and we would be seriously monitoring her social interactions and relationships.

I don't think these two cases are comparable. And yes I would let my little boy dress however he wants. As for a 10 yr old girl wanting birth control no. We would be having a very serious conversation.

@Mrs. Jacks: I think you brought up something really interesting.

I really enjoy learning/discussing heavy or controversial subjects, and I try my hardest to be rational, understanding, and sympathetic. But sometimes - if someone has an opinion that I vehemently disagree with (e.g. against marriage equality), I find myself judging them harshly (if I am going to be honest with myself.)

Now, I don't make a note of their username and ignore or disagree with anything they ever post - but I guess I could see how groups could of "us versus them" could happen unintentionally.

Thanks for mentioning this.

@hellocupcake: have you ever talked to a gay or transgendered person to hear they feel about it being a choice or not? My best friend is gay and he struggled for years to come to terms with who he is. His dream has always been to live a normal life, to have a family. And being a gay man did not fit in with that dream. If you ask him if it's a choice, the first thing he would say is "why would I choose this?"

I can't speak for all gay people, but I know that he would not choose a life where he's discriminated against, a life where having biological children is incredibly difficult and expensive, and a life of growing up feeling as if there's a huge part of yourself you're ashamed of and have to hide from everyone.