Has IF influenced your faith either negatively or positively?
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Hmm...I still would not say I'm religious, but IF has inspired me to reconnect with my interest in some aspects of spirituality. It helps me to get through the rough spots.
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My faith changed for the better (IMO).
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I totally just posted something similar and then tried to delete it! I haven't had to deal with IF, but I have been questioning my faith in my ttc journey thus far.
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@babycanuck: great minds
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I just get pissed for people who are still on their IF journey when others say that God made it this way or that God rewarded their faith with a baby.... Because what does that mean for those who don't have a baby yet?
I think God and biology are seperate and God isn't really doling out the babies based on the strength of someone's faith. God might give the strength to endure it all, but the prize at the end is the strength... The baby comes from biology (or adoption).
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Yes and no. There were times in the past that I was so mad at God and stopped going to church. I was so frustrated with the cards that were given to me. I just didn't understand why others could conceive and I couldn't. I tried thinking about it the other way that God was doing this for a reason but it's just so hard to think about. Why have me wait? Why make me suffer for so long? Is there something big going to happen in my life? Maybe something bad?
I keep thinking of the phrase, 'God is only giving you what you can handle.' What is He preparing me for that I'm not strong enough to have a family?
I still have faith in God but it's definitely less than it was when we first started TTC. I have hope that one day I'll be a mom either by adoption or by fertility treatments. It's just that I've come to believe that God doesn't give wishes, so in that respect I'm not completely mad at God. Just frustrated that others look up to God for all of their answers but for some reason when I ask, he doesn't give. (I hope I don't offend anyone. I'm sorry if I did.) At this point in my life, God is still there but not to give answers and I'm fine with that. My faith and religion is still a part of me but IF has definitely changed me.
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It made my faith stronger. I found some great friends too because an infertility/adoption loss/miscarriage group ministry at church started up...they helped me SO much because for the first time I really felt like someone truly understood what I was feeling and that I wasn't crazy.
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I was raised very religious but chose not to continue as an adult. But what I have learned has still affected me in my beliefs in a God and higher power. For example, the idea that Catholics cannot do IVF just saddens me that there is a GOD that wouldn't want people to have children. I believe that if there is a god he created the skills of IVF and IUI to allow infertile families to have opportunities to have their children. Another is my child hood religion which doesn't allow my sister to carry a child because her husband is infertile and sperm donors or embryo adoptions aren't clear if they would be covered or not in the religion. That is just insane to me.
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I learned very quickly that I needed to rely on God and his timing in our situation. I would say that IF definitely strengthened my faith (but made me question it several times along the way).
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@Mrs. Jacks: agreed. I have a friend who keeps talking about 'God's plan' when I get another BFN and it drives me crazy.
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@Mrs. Jacks: thank you for saying that- i hate when people say things like, 'when god wills it, you will have a baby' or 'when you turn to god, he will reward you with a child' because it makes me feel like what they're saying is that i'm not worthy of a child as i am now. maybe i would feel differently if i believed in a god, but because i don't it always feels like what they're saying is that their god thinks i'm not good enough for a baby but other people are and it hurts to hear when all i've ever wanted is to be as a good mother.
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@Shutterbug: I'm so sorry! It's not God's plan... It's a complicated set of biological interactions. I believe that people of faith can believe in God without making this about their own worthiness in God's eyes. @Bluestriped Bee: said it well. This isn't about wish granting.
@mrs. bird: You are no more or less worthy because of your beliefs. I'm so sorry people say that! If that was true, there would be wide swaths of the world where there were no babies because people do not have faith (or at least the faith that people who say things like this deem acceptable). It's just a ridiculous notion!
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@Shutterbug: @mrs. bird: Ohhh, that would make me so mad. I can't believe anyone would say that to another person! Ridiculous.
I'm an atheist and have been for a long time, so IF has not affected my faith (or lack thereof). We find that being non-believers is actually helpful in this instance because we are putting all of our faith in the beautiful science of IVF.
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Both. After our m/c, I was extremely angry and hurt. I didn't understand why God would give us a baby just to take it away. And I HATED hearing people talk about "God's plan" in that way. It made me think that I was being punished and therefore God took my baby away.
A few months before we finally got pregnant again, I began a women's Bible Study with some girls my age. I focused on the word "faith" and I tried to believe there was some reason for this (perhaps it was to strengthen my faith). I'm at a different place now, but I still struggle with the anxieties of being pregnant after a loss. However, I feel like my faith is helping me instead of making things seem worse.
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I had a ginormous thing typed out, but it really made me sound like a bad person, lol.
I'll just say neither. Or both. I dunno.
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It's been all positive. The struggle has brought me back to God.
Like Mrs. Jacks said, it's not God's plan that we are having difficulty getting pregnant, it's a biological issue. So I'm no longer mad at Him for not giving us the baby we keep praying for. But I am relying on him for strength to get through each BFN and to let Him deal with the worry of the TWW. Because like I said previously, I can't make the sperm and the egg connect so I have to stop beating myself up about the biological process.
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Our journey definitely made me question my faith. In the beginning, when I couldn't get pregnant I felt like "why don't I deserve a baby" or "why did God give them a baby but not me". Then after we went through IVF and got pregnant with multiples I was overjoyed, but in my mind I really owed it all to science. And then when we lost two of our babies late in the pregnancy, I felt like God was punishing us for seeking interventions. Yes we ended up with a healthy LO but what about our other babies? And of course others try to make you feel better by saying things that would probably make THEM feel better... like the good 'ole "God only gives us as much as we can handle". Ummm... last I checked God didn't "give" me anything, I had to go out and get it myself
I hope I haven't offended anyone, I'm just not on great terms with God right now and I'm muddling my way through it.
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Ok, not infertility per se, but losing S really made me question my faith. I've gotten better lately, but I was really angry with God for a while. I just couldn't understand what his point was. Still don't, and it bothers me.
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@Mrs. Jacks: I'm Roman Catholic. When we were taking our pre-cana classes, we touched base on infertility and sexuality. Our instructor explicitly told us that by no means should we use any interventions to prevent or encourage a pregnancy. He clarified and said that the Church does not approve of fertility treatments and if we were unable to have children of our own, we should adopt.
This was back in 2007. Maybe the "rules" have changed. His little speech was enough to piss me off that I haven't bothered to do any research.
Obviously, we went through an RE to get pregnant.
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We were atheist before embarking on our journey with infertility (although I was raised in a very Catholic home) and everything that we've gone through has turned me off even more to the concept of God and God's plan and whatnot. What it has helped me with is being able to look within myself and ask what I believe in that I can carry with me every day, but that's a little different from faith I suppose.
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@TheSwissWifeStyle: Seriously doubt you could sound like a terrible person...it's probably not anything the rest of us haven't thought at one point.
It was honestly up and down. During my lowest points I must admit I had some anger & questioned God. Mostly though, the two things that got me through was DH and my faith. My faith gave me a peace when nothing else gave any comfort. Like others said, I always hated it when people would say it would "happen according to God's plan or I needed to pray about it." As though if I just had more faith or prayed harder we'd be "blessed" with a child.
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Now that I have some time to reply to this:
IF has been the first thing to really shake my faith. As someone who has always wanted lots of children... the fact that my body just doesn't work on it's own is devastating to me. I'll admit, I've cursed God... I'm not proud of it but I have had crying fits where I was just silently screaming "Why? Why God, Why? Why would you do this to me?"
It seems like all my peers (except one) who is pregnant or has children are so much less prepared and deserving than I am (in my human eyes)... My husband and I are financially well off and mentally so ready for children and yet getting pregnant (heck even just having any kind of normal cycle and ovulating at all) has been such a struggle.
I started to find it very hard to sing God's praises at Church every Sunday. Before I would sing and dance joyfully. Now I stand there hardly mouthing the words. It's so, so hard to sing something like "If will be my joy to say, Your will Your way" when I am having a hard time. I forget that praise isn't about me, it's about Him.
In the end though... I think when we go through something as devastating as IF, or a car accident, or cancer, or poverty... it's easy to think you have it so much worse than everyone else. That God is specifically cursing you. There are people in the world who do not even have clean water... and while my inability to have a baby is awful, millions of people have it much worse than I do.
We also forget that God came down from heaven, suffered torture and a painful death on the cross just for us, so that we could have eternal life.
I think what is hardest is accepting the truth of the Bible... God gives and He takes away. Being a Christian is not all spiritual highs, sometimes it can be a very rough, rocky road to walk on. God doesn't take things away from us to punish us, He takes them away to teach us. We have to accept that we do not always realize immediately what the lesson was. We do not always understand God, but his trials are often blessings and mercies in disguise. The Bible does promise us that God has a happy ending planned for each of His children, despite hardships along the way. The hard thing to accept is that promise may not be fulfilled in this life, and that it is still good. We have to trust.
Essentially this is what faith is: Trusting God even when it's so hard to.
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@Mrs. Jacks: Sooooo well said! A baby in the terms of a child being created from the love of a man/women from day one is a fidt from God.....that he allowed us to be able to create life. THEN biology takes over, if you are dealing with IF its not because you are not worthy or you were not given the GIFT that is sooo silly! I think when people thank God for a child, they forget exactly what they are thankful for...
..In my eyes I would be thankful that I was even able to create a life or even adopt and that I am thankful for the oppurtunity to raise one of his children........
I also do not believe the whole it will happen when it's right...... really??????? So I'm happily married great jobs, beautiful home soo ready and its quote not the right time? But a 14yr old girl can get PG by her abusive BF and that was the right time.........mmmm doesn't add up!
I think people will look back.and think ohhhh I didn't get PG this month, but on the month I did my hubby got a promotion so it was the right rime...???? Really?
I also have friends that were blessed with a baby and she has CF, people say to them all the time that God knew what he was doing when he chose them as parents.......?????
Really?? Do you say to a person with cancer ohhhh God knew what he was doing and relax it will just happen when you least expect it to get better?!?!?!?!
END RANT!!!!!!!!!
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