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@Shutterbug: That's what I feel like is happening - I feel like I can see all three pokes on my right arm. I usually have the best luck on my right arm and it's like autopilot when I go in, I just plop down my right arm. I hope I'm done after these two remaining draws this week.
@PurplePumps: There was one guy I used to have often and I wanted to HUG him after the bloodwork. I hardly felt a thing, he was so good - man I miss him now. I actually do thank them if I feel they did a good job. I don't know how I'd keep my cool if it took them three tries. Thanks for the tip about the needle - I'll ask tomorrow. I usually guzzle 2-3 large bottles of water in the AM before my appointment. I thought I had emptied my bladder enough yesterday but it's always so awkward when you go in for the ultrasound and the tech can comment on how full your bladder is. // That's interesting about superstitions. I hope she does come and visit you at your place the next time she visits.
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I think most of the people who know my story are now pregnant and no longer in here, so I thought it might be helpful to let you guys know why things are so weird for me.
My husband was previously married to someone who desperately wanted kids, he whole identity was created around becoming a mother… after a while of trying they found out that they are dealing with MFI. Before they started any treatment they were doing TI, and she would scream and throw things if for whatever reason they didn’t end up BD.
She had a strict set of rules that he had to follow at all times… no drinking (not even one once in a while), no being around people who smoke, no spending time with friends (in case they ended up doing something that would hurt his fertility), she had to approve everything he wore to make sure it “let him breathe”, their entire house was completely renovated (and it was brand new!) to be “fertility friendly”, they weren’t allowed to use deodorant or shaving cream, he wasn’t allowed to play sports (he loves sports!). Their life was all about TTC and was very regimented. She spent $500/month on vitamins. She would lock him out of the house and send him texts saying how much she hates him if he didn’t come home from work during the day when she was ovulating. She was seriously depressed and would threaten to kill herself if she didn’t pregnant soon or if they split up.
They did 4 rounds of clomid, 4 rounds of IUI, an additional 4 rounds of IUI with injectables and then finally, a round of IVF, all with no success. He decided that it had gotten to be too much all at once and wanted a break, he wanted 3 months where they didn’t stress about TTC. When he said this to her, she threw her wedding rings out, and started yelling at him, throwing things telling him that she hates him and will never forgive him for ruining her life. Their marriage lasted two years.
So needless to say, he hasn’t had the best experience with IF and he is extremely cautious of venturing into that world again. He was open with me since the beginning of the relationship about his MFI and experiences with IF, and since I was on the fence about kids for years, I knew that we would make it work no matter what.
In the 3 years we have been TTC/NTNP, we have done about 2 years of actual TTC with TI, temping, charting, etc and the rest has been NTNP. I went to my doctor for some fertility tests and I have ovarian cysts and “possible” lean PCOS. I have had a couple of monitored cycles, which confirm that I ovulate but I don’t know anything past that. I don’t know why my mc or cp happened.
I feel like even though we’re not planning on extensive treatments, I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. My husband is great with kids, he loves them and I know how much he wants one of his own, and the cp has definitely kicked that feeling into high gear for me. So, here we are!
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@sweetooth: I always use my right arm. I have this weird hang up about using my left now. I think it's because I know what to expect with the right arm. Maybe the veins in my left are different?! Totally irrational.
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@fliegepizhut: I’m sorry for your m/c’s…. it’s such a horrible, unfair thing to go through and I really, really hope that you don’t have to wait much longer. You didn’t say the wrong thing at all, everything is good! I think it’s just an overly sensitive subject!
Our Plan B is childfree, I feel somewhat ok with that… before I met my husband I always thought I would be CF and I know we will have a great life with or without kids. But, I just don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on not having them yet. We have always been on the same page of only wanting one child so I feel like somehow we can make that happen. @sweetooth: thank you. I’m trying so hard not to blame myself but it’s difficult. I keep thinking that there should have been more I could have done… maybe if I had seen an RE sooner to figure out my issues then maybe. But I know you’re right, and I know I will stop blaming myself eventually. I’m going to ask my doctor for a referral to an RE.
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@alohaorchid: Holy cow, your DH's ex sounds like a real gem. I understand the frustrations of TTC, but honestly, she just doesn't sound mentally stable and would wonder how she would react if she had a kid that didn't conform to her perfect kid image.
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@alohaorchid: Thank you for sharing your story again. Here I am suggesting TI and you are well aware of all of the options. I'm amazed your husband survived his ex. That's quite a relationship to be a part of.
As far as the feeling of "maybe if I had seen an RE sooner" I think we all feel that way when there are ??? instead of BFPs. The good thing is that you know you don't want to throw in the towel, and you want to work towards some answers. I still say that an RE is going to be the best place for you to get those answers.
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@sweetooth: thank you
I definitely think an RE is the way to go and I think now is the time... I'm in my 30's and I want to at least give things a shot while I'm still young enough. Or, at least find out if everything is ok with me. Maybe I don't have good enough eggs to sustain a pregnancy?! Who knows! But I do think I need to know and do all I can before I give up. It makes me upset just thinking about what he went through and to think that all of it took place over less than 2 yeas is insane to me! But he's no longer in that situation and that's what matters now. I definitely see how it has scarred him though and I understand why I sometimes am living in the shadows of his past. For the record, she has since remarried and I hope she is able to have the baby she has so badly wanted for so long.
I'm actually excited to move forward and hopefully get some answers and make a decision!
@PurplePumps: I agree completely. When my husband and I have talked about it he said she became a totally different person and was completely uncontrollable. I guess we never know how much something can affect a person.
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@Leialou: Not irrational at all! I feel a little bit like my right arm is my lucky arm and I know what to expect too.
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@alohaorchid: I knew part of your story...but thank you for sharing how positively traumatic your DH's previous circumstances must have been. I feel like I understand where you're coming from a lot better now. I think I see myself in you...same age (I think), started TTC around the same time, 1 prior loss for both of us (until recently)...and it just seems like success may be so close for you!
Of course, none of us really knows...and there are definitely no guarantees...so we all just have to "know ourselves" enough to make the decisions and take the risks that we feel comfortable with. Sending lots of love and a hug to you and your DH!!! Again, thank you for sharing...and I'm sincerely sorry if I've come across as crass or insensitive. 
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@Leialou: Mine are totally different! Left is great (large, straight, easily visible) and the right ones are all smaller, diagonal, and screwy!
Having said that...I'm a little worried about developing lab-draw track marks. 
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@FliegepilzHut: You weren't at all so no worries, everything is good
It does sound like we're very similar, that's probably why I have always been drawn to your posts. I really hope that we don't have much longer to wait, I think we have both waited long enough! -
@alohaorchid: Thanks for sharing your background story!!! Talk about a nut job... Yikes! I can see how your husband would be affected now though.
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@alohaorchid: Definitely! I'm ready.
Our Plan B is childfree, I feel somewhat ok with that… before I met my husband I always thought I would be CF and I know we will have a great life with or without kids. But, I just don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on not having them yet. We have always been on the same page of only wanting one child so I feel like somehow we can make that happen. 
I definitely think an RE is the way to go and I think now is the time... I'm in my 30's and I want to at least give things a shot while I'm still young enough. Or, at least find out if everything is ok with me. Maybe I don't have good enough eggs to sustain a pregnancy?! Who knows! But I do think I need to know and do all I can before I give up. 
Having said that...I'm a little worried about developing lab-draw track marks. 
It does sound like we're very similar, that's probably why I have always been drawn to your posts. I really hope that we don't have much longer to wait, I think we have both waited long enough! 
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