If you had a choice, when would you want family to visit postpartum if you didn't think they'd be particularly helpful?
My mil hasn't asked yet when she can visit after lo2 is born, but we're about to go visit her in a couple weeks and I know the conversation is going to come up!
With lo1, I was induced early, and we asked mil to come up to help us with our dogs. This was somehow taken as an invitation for dh's whole family to come visit--she + his ailing father (who has since passed away) and sil were all there to meet lo1 basically immediately after birth. They didn't stay long, and did take our dogs with them for a couple weeks which was helpful, but it was really overwhelming. Like, we were waiting around all day to be discharged from the hospital and they were texting dh constantly to ask what our plans were. And we live in a small apartment, so once we were home, it was really cramped and I was very emotional and felt weird nursing in front of them, etc. My parents were there too, and extremely helpful, but it was just lots of people.
This time around will be different--for one, it's only mil who will visit, presumably (we aren't speaking to sil for unrelated reasons...). Second, my parents are lined up to take care of lo1 and the dogs this time. I know they will be helpful since they were last time and are with lo1 now, etc. We may have a postpartum doula as well as someone we know offered. Mil wouldn't be helpful with the logistical things that we will need, like help with dog walks or daycare pickup/drop off since we're in a city and she's uncomfortable walking or taking public transportation, which are how we commute with lo1. My initial thinking is maybe to ask her to wait for at least 2 weeks, I think that's around when we started getting the hang on things last time and settled into somewhat of a routine...But last time I know she was jealous and sad about my parents' involvement, so I'm not looking forward to the conversation!