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So, both my DH and I work full time. He's 100% WOH, and I'm 50% office/home.

That being said, I do the painful vast majority of the housework. All the cooking and cleaning, laundry, and am the "default" parent. DH does the dishes (every other day) and takes out the trash.

Our garage and basement, and also the yard sadly, are a nightmare.

I also wish DH would do more, and like yours, by the time he comes home from work (which is 4pm - early!), he's spent. I also come home at 4pm, and don't get a break, so I don't know why the disparity.

We are still in survival mode right now with a toddler and 2 month old, so I can't say we have a set routine at this point. But during the week, he usually (sometimes with reminding) will clean up after our dinner and load up the dishwasher. If he is home early enough sometimes he does bath. And he tidies the toys at night about as much as I do (ie not every night but if one of us has enough energy or they are out of control).

I usually try to keep up with laundry during the week but it's been a really rough few weeks wth sicknesses, tantrums, and catching up from when our washing machine broke. So DH actually did a ton of laundry this weekend- but I had to put it away because he was just piling up the clean stuff. Occasionally he cooks breakfast. He sweeps as much as I do. And when things are crazy with sick kids and parents he usually does some kinds of house projects, organizing our storage thing in the garage, cleaning up the entry way, getting paint matched for the walls where the toddler managed to scrape the paint off...

So it sounds like he really does do a fair amount and I still get resentful.

@ValentineMommy: THIS EXACTLY. We both work full time and I still do most of the housework and childcare. I've nagged and nagged and nagged for him to do more and it was harder on us and our marriage than either letting things go or doing them myself.

In general our "split" is: I do laundry, he folds (sometimes not for a week). I meal plan/shop/cook, he washes dishes (happens sometimes). He takes LO to school and does morning routine, I pick her up and do evening routine, although he does books and bath after dinner (which helps a lot - I'll clear the table and load the dishwasher then play on my phone for 15 mins while this happens). On weekends I do all meals for LO and cleaning up after her. I take out the trash most weeks while he gives her a bath.

It's annoying.

ETA: I imagine myself saying this to DH, and he'd want me to point out he handles ALL home repair-type stuff (calling contractors, fixing leaky faucets etc), snowblows in winter, mows the lawn, does paint touch-up, etc.

@aprild: We both WOTH FT - I do most of the housework but DH does the dishes and trash.

As for "other" projects - I usually have 1 thing per weekend that I ask DH to do - that way he isn't bombarded with 100 things and feels like he lost his whole weekend.

One time it was to prune a tree
One time it was dig out the flower beds
One time was to power wash the patio
etc. etc.

Slowly but surely you can get things knocked off your list!

I SAH and I am the same as you - for the most part I am fine with household duties falling on me, but I wish my husband would take more initiative sometimes. Even if he just gave a convincing but empty offer to load the dishwasher haha. I'm sure I'd still say no no I'll do it, but it would just be nice if he offered. I often wonder if he feels any guilt at all seeing me buzz around the apartment for another hour or two after our son is in bed while he lays and watches tv/putzes on the computer. But the potential fallout of asking that question just isn't worth it And he is an amazing provider and father, so in the end I know I shouldn't complain.

In terms of what he does:
- takes garbage and recycling to the chute down the hall
- bath time 1-2x per week
- bedtime story he probably does more than me now
- he does morning wake up at 7am and I sleep until 7:30, then he gets ready for work

That's really it. But I will say that last week I went to dinner with friends and I said kind of in passing that he needed to do bedtime and clean up after dinner. I came home and the kitchen table and kitchen were exactly as I had left them from preparing dinner, messy highchair, floor covered with food. Living room toys everywhere. I was pretty pissed because it was a nice night for me to go to dinner and have some wine with friends and I still had to come home and do some work. At like 10pm. I did say something and I think he did feel bad because the next night while I did bedtime he cleaned up the living room! It was a nice surprise and I don't think it'll happen every night, but it was his mea culpa. Maybe he'll do it the nights I'm out.

Maybe if you gently ask? Tell him you have a list of things that you think are better for him to tackle. Or, ask him to take kids for afternoon and you can tackle. Whatever you prefer. I do that sometimes too - give my husband options. But they are both things I want - similar to bargaining with a toddler I'll say "you can get him in his PJs or rinse the old milk cup and fill a new one" (he's usually helping in some capacity with bedtime so that's one I don't feel guilty about). Because if I don't he'll just stand there waiting to do bedtime story. This way we both get something done instead of me doing both.

I also stay home so I do most cooking, cleaning, laundry.

DH does the outside stuff, all garbage related tasks, cleaning toilets, picking up the dog poop (basically he does anything gross because I cannot, blah) and putting his own laundry away. Plus anything else I ask he is fine doing.

I agree it's hard on the weekend if there's a project that needs to be done and is going to take hours, I want t done but also want to spend time as a family so it often gets put off. But that's more my doing then my husbands.

ETA: if the floors need to be swept (can get obvious on our hard floors plus shedding dogs) he swiffers or vacuums as needed without being asked. Oh he also usually scrubs the kitchen sink. He's pretty helpful. Although there is an empty box from a package he ordered that's been sitting out for a week. He is blind to that kind of thing. Lol

Every week he unloads the dishwasher every morning, takes out the trash/recycling, and helps with laundry. He also does at least a couple of meals during the week.

Any special projects (garage, yard work, rearranging a room, etc) we discuss and tackle together, usually on the weekend.

I work 24 hours a week and DH works anywhere from 50-70 hours a week and I do the majority of the housework- laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. He doesn't really do much housework at all to be honest, but he works a ton. This is part of the reason why I cut back on my hours at work, trying to do it all was too difficult.

@ValentineMommy: lol this. DH and I used to both work from home, but now he WOH since I few months ago, so basically everything is falling on me. I understand setting up appointments etc falling on me, but I'm not sure the disparity on the rest. I still work full-time!! And do more of the daycare pick-ups, dinner cooking, I'm pregnant, etc. so I'm not sure why he has nothing left to offer. Sometimes my work ends up suffering bc I feel pressure to get things done during the day and keep our house puttering along.

DH and I both WOH full-time. I would say overall our duties are pretty evenly split.

We both do general picking up to keep the house tidy, including dishes. I handle vacuuming and mopping but he probably does the bathrooms more than me. He takes out garbage/recycling and sets them out on collection days. I do the grocery shopping, but he puts them away when I get home. I do nearly all the cooking. He does all the yard work. We split laundry, depending who feels like doing it. He probably does it more than me though. He handles all the house "fixing" and repairs since he's handy, while I handle bill paying and paperwork-type stuff.

I SAH so I do all the daily stuff

DH takes care of the yard, garage and most big projects around the house.. He's way more organized than I am so he is always wanting to organize and clean out closets, etc (while I just want a break from house projects). But it's busy with his work schedule and with just the daily chores so really we have to schedule it in on the weekend or the evenings - that's really the only way big projects will get done - it is so helpful to set a deadline. We used to do a lot of stuff during nap time but that phase ended a long time ago for us

@runnerd: EXACTLY! I started writing down all the chores we each do on a few separate days. Mine was like a page long each day, and his said 1-2 things. He was like...."I don't see what's so odd about this". I was like, "I work full time too!!!!! I am the breadwinner! WTF is normal about the disparity??"....

He maintains outside and the garage. When we do any inside organizing, he's usually leading that endeavor. We don't have any outside help so he occasionally helps with and inside chore or cooking a meal.

I only work 2 days a week, close by. My husband works full time, with a long commute. I'm also more organized, detail oriented, a better cook, and have a higher standard of cleanliness.

He does all home maintenance, most yard care, dishes about once a week, occasionally sweeps or vacuums, tidies up in occasion, extremely rarely he will cook dinner. He takes out the trash, recycling, and compost more often than I do.

Since I SAH, I do the majority of the housework and all the cooking. DH gets up with LO in the morning and does breakfast with him while I sleep in, and he empties the dishwasher and takes out the diaper trash. On the weekends he cleans up from dinner, takes out the garbage/recycling, does bathtime and cleans up the playroom. During the week I get most of that done before he's home.

Things in our house have never been more equal than they are right now, so I can't complain. And although I'm super happy at this unexpected development, I sometimes wonder about it...

Basically, suddenly my husband pulls his weight a LOT MORE on a daily basis, and it's all because we got a nanny. I leave about 1-1.5 hours before he does for work. In the past, pre-nanny, he would "help" me a little in the morning by making LOs breakfast, but it was guaranteed that when I would come home from work, the dirty breakfast dishes would still be out, a crusted egg pan would be on the stove, toys (that LO got out in the morning) were strewn about, etc. He used to have about an hour and 20 minutes kid free each morning and wouldn't spend 10 minutes of that cleaning up breakfast.

And then we got a nanny. And I leave for work and she shows up right before DH goes to work. And NOW, he cleans up breakfast, tidies any toys, makes both our bed and LOs bed. It's kind of amazing actually, the transformation--because he's embarrassed to have someone come in and work when our house is messy.

But it's kind of funny---for his wife, he couldn't muster the will to clean in the mornings, even though he knew I hated coming home to messes that weren't there when I went to bed the night before. But for the NANNY, he's a cleaning whiz, and that's while getting ready for work and wrangling 2 kiddos!

men.

@NovBaby1112: Yes, this is us too. I went back to work 3 days a week so I could manage the grind. DH commutes 150 miles 2-3 days a week, runs his own law practice, and is finishing his MBA so he's basically working like 80 hours a week. It helps that he works from home a lot so he can be around to get packages, do daycare drop off and pick up a few days a week, drop off the cars for maintenance, or let a handyman in, but he's usually working in his office until 11pm most nights and I can't do a full time job, all the house maintenance, and run after DS. Luckily since he's parked at his desk so much he handles all the bills and phone calls (I hate dealing with calls).

I do the vast majority of it. Most of the cooking, the cleaning (unless he gets tired of the clutter), the laundry, etc. He does most of the yard work, scoops the cat boxes, and takes the garbage/recycling out when he is home. But he leaves messes behind. Like this morning, he opened the new orange juice and left the little seal sitting on the counter next to the fridge instead of putting it in the trash. There is an empty carton sitting next to the sink because he didn't walk it over to the recycling. It's maddening.

We both WOH but I work 32 hours and he works about 60 most months? He is a resident so he has no control over our schedule. We have two kids.

I do most housecleaning, laundry, cooking, dishes, meal planning, grocery shopping, cloth diaper spraying, laundry and stuffing, prep lunches, bags and bottles the night before for work and daycare and take care of all the pump stuff. Plus I do the morning routine solo most mornings and the evenings solo a good chuck of the time (depends in what rotation DH is on).

DH is responsible for all our money management, car management (maintenance appointments, fluid tire checks etc), home maintenance and repair. He is also responsible for getting trash and recycling to the curb and putting it back on trash day. When he is home for bedtime he usually helps the 4 yo get ready for bed while I nurse the baby.

If he is around he is happy to help with dishes or packing lunches or sometimes dinner but I don't expect it.

In our case this division works for us because DH is working hard and investing in his career and still pulls a lot of weight for the amount of time he is home. I cut back on my hours so that we could have some measure of family sanity. We also have a cleaning service once a month which is great.

Feeling at peace with our household balance is important for my sanity. Resentment can be really toxic. I hope you can find something that works for your whole family.