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Well, I WOH because I need to financially, but even if I didn't have to, I definitely would. I love my boys, but I need the outside environment. It makes me a better mom, I think. I would suck as a SAHM.

If I was in your scenario, I would definitely look for a job that is more family friendly. I know someone whose wife is a lawyer and after kids took a job at the law school. She has summers off, good hours, etc.

For my mental health, an outside job would be super important even with the cons.

I can't speak from experience, but I think I would work part time for all the reasons you mentioned - extra money, resuming career, something not kid-related.
When J was an infant, my husband worked a job where he worked from home, so J stayed with him while I worked. When J turned 1, DH lost his job. He had to find something else and that job took him out of the house and J had to go to daycare. I was so sad about it at first, but honestly. It's the best thing. He's gained independence, he's learning things every day, he has activities and outdoor play, art and music. He only goes part time but he LOVES it. I'm convinced that even if I didn't "have to" work, I still would at least part time.

I don't know what kind of background you have in law, but I work for a large corporation in intellectual property, and everyone has pretty "cushy" law jobs. 40 hours/week, relatively flexible, no court appearances. My coworkers are always talking about how they have the holy grail of law careers because of the work-life balance.

I personally haaaaate it, but that's just me. Just throwing it out there for you, though.

We haven't done the math, but I think if I wanted to SAH, we could probably make it work. I haven't ever really considered it though because I love my job and I really think I'm a better mom because of it. I like the mental stimulation, I like having my own career, I like my co-workers, and of course the money helps too.

I only have one LO now, and we will hopefully have two, so at some point I might consider reducing my hours or trying to negotiate more work from home days. But right now I'm pretty happy WOH full-time.

@winniebee: He's a lawyer, like you. And works for a huge firm so doesn't really have any control over his hours. Or vacation. Or life. Actually....he still has unused paternity leave days . With how insane and unpredictable his job is it'd be SO hard for me to be away all the time. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or just want to bounce ideas around! @blackbird: Sent you a PM about your job!

My DD is 2 and we have LO2 on the way. I work FT. I don't *have* to work at the moment; however, I can't imagine not working for the rest of my career. In the ten years I've been in my field I've seen that if you leave for a few years you will not get back to a professional position. Whether I stayed home while the kids are young or not I plan to work for a long time after that. I want to keep/build my earning potential in the future.

Also, maternity leave proved to me that I was not cut out to SAH FT with my kid.

You know my story. I think once kids are older I'll get "fun job" like working at PB or aerobics instructor. I have offers to work just busy season but not sure I have the desire. There is no such thing as part time in my industry and DH works insane hours, similar to your DH. I don't miss working but I do miss social interaction. I'm also planning on volunteering at LOs school.

Would you be qualified for adjunct teaching at a local law school? Lots of stimulation and interesting interaction.

I'll be "home" with my kid(s) because it is the right thing for us, but I do work very pt on independent volunteer projects in my field because it is part of who I am.

I have an almost 4 year old, a 1.5 yo, and we'll prob start ttc soon. I've worked little the past few years.
We've moved a bunch, I hated my job, and dh works crazy hours so when he's off we can enjoy quality family time. While our family is young it's what works best. I never planned on staying home but I felt quite unfulfilled by my work and watching and talking to parents who tried to both have intense careers I realized that wasn't at all how I imagined life. I'll work more as the kids get older but right now I like making sure dh little time off is good quality family time and it's given me some time to figure out what I want to do

@lawbee11: As a future WOHM, I love this!

I don't have to work for financial reasons - my DH makes about 5x what I do (he's a lawyer) and our quality of life wouldn't suffer much if I stayed home. However, I'm in academia and generally I like my job - fairly flexible, love working with my colleagues, I have a high degree of autonomy, and I find my job/research very interesting and fulfilling, for the most part. In addition, because I work in a university setting, I have pretty good benefits, including 401k contributions (my employer automatically contributes 9% of my salary to a retirement account). We definitely do spend more because we both work (nanny; we use Blue Apron and spend an embarrassing amount of money on groceries/eating out too due to the convenience factor; have a bimonthly cleaning service, etc.) but I think that generally the benefits outweigh the costs, at least right now. Although DH is a lawyer, he works in a pretty family-friendly office, so we are able to split drop-off/morning duties (him) and pickup/evening duties (me), so I might have a different opinion if I was working full-time and taking on the lion's share of household/child responsibilities.

I didn't love staying at home during maternity leave, but now as DS (8 months old) is getting older, I have pangs here and there of wanting to stay home. I probably won't ever stay at home full-time, but as we have more children and they get involved in more activities, I could see myself reducing my hours to more part-time. I do think if we ever needed to do a big move because of my husband's job (he's definitely the "leading spouse" in terms of careers), I wouldn't fret over finding a job immediately and would be open to something very part-time or staying at home temporarily.

I will say that I totally understand your feelings of conflict - I've found that it's really hard when both spouses are in a field where the norm is to be the "leading spouse" (law, medicine, academia, etc.) - people who are "all-in" in that field in the more traditional way seem not to understand voluntarily taking the career backseat to their partner. (Hope that made sense!) I've had a lot of trouble with it myself in the academic world, but luckily I have a few colleagues in the same boat who get my situation!

@winniebee: I hear ya before we moved out here for fellowship, i had already switched jobs to a less stressful, super-flexible one (WAH whenever i wanted, take PTO whenever i wanted/needed)...and, honestly, it probably wouldn't be worth it to go back to something similar. i'm sure it would depend on the particulars of a job, but i didn't feel challenged or rewarded by the job, other than $$ of course. while it was a GREAT job for our family, it actually made me almost more grumpy because i was still stressed about finding time for family/home/personal things but without the personal fulfillment.

in my experience, a lot of part-time jobs that are still rewarding require you to be flexible with those hours. so even though you are supposed to only work 20 hours a week or whatever, there may be times that you would need to work more. and that just doesn't work for me with DH's job.

i'm planning to give it 6 months or a year, see how DH's new job is going, and see what we decide about baby #3. i think ultimately i'd like to do SOMETHING, but i'm just not sure when/what that will be!

While we might be able to make it on just DH's salary, no one would be happy in my house if I was a SAHM. I see the things that LO does at school, and I'm just not that mom. I'm not creative enough or patient enough to do messy art projects and think of a ton of creative things for him to explore. I also love working, and think that time away from him makes me love him that much more. I don't think I would be a happy SAHM.

We are expecting child #1 and I am quitting my job. We may have to downsize our home and our lifestyle, but for me it's worth it. My job is really stressful, I'm in social work, and I don't have any energy left when I get home, I don't think I would be a very good parent after work.
Also, I don't want to work.

This is such a great question. I'm a lawyer too and I continue to work for reasons are important now, and reasons that will be important in the future. For the now, as many pp have said, a lot of my identity is tied up in working, and contributing financially to our family, so it would be hard to let that go. I am a better person/ spouse/ mother because I work. Also, financially, I think it would be irresponsible for me to step away. Yes, we can survive fine on one income, but as someone who grew up without much of anything, the idea of stepping away from my income and the security and extras that it provides us is almost inconceivable. As for the future, if I stopped working now for a few years, the lost opportunity costs would be immeasurable (retirement, savings, advancement, etc....) and it would be extremely difficult for me to re enter the workforce in my field having taken years off. Also, God forbid something happen, I would want to be able to support my family myself. All that said, my daughter is my first priority so I've negotiated a much more flexible schedule than most of my peers (4 day workweek, wfh when needed). I am still a valuable and productive but I am certainly not winning employee of the year any time soon. My goal is basically to stay relevant and keep all my options open, so that I can fast track my career again in the future if I want.

Just wanted to speak from the side of someone who is a SAHM and likes it. I gave up my job when I was pregnant with my son, because I knew I wanted to be a SAHM and I had horrible morning sickness. DH supports me to do whatever I want, but I think he likes me being a SAHM, because he knows our son is being well taken care of and I'm not stressed about how to balance work/family life (not saying everyone else is stressed, I just know I would be). I feel like staying home with my son gives me the opportunity to watch him grow and be there for all his milestones. I like planning our days and doing our different activities throughout the week. I also take care of the house and do all the errands. For me it is fulfilling. I'm currently pregnant, and I plan to be a SAHM at least until both boys are in school. I'm not sure what I'll do after that, but if I get a job, it will be part-time. I want to be there to pick my sons up from school and home with them during their school breaks.

We can get by on one income which is what we've been doing. Long term though we will be better off when I work. Idk if that "counts" for this question.. My husbands job is part of the reason I haven't been working. He has a crazy schedule. Not 80 hrs a week but just weird hours. I'm excited to work again but nothing permanent til after our October lo gets here. Dd is 2.5.

This wouldn't always be my answer but right now my job is so stressful. I hardly sleep at night for all the stress. I would just love something mindless with no deadlines and responsibility. Like being a check out person at Target or something.