I had a rebellious phase as a teenager, and I always have thought I would be honest about it with our kids when the time comes. However, I recently heard that there was a study that found that when parents tell their kids they used drugs, kids think drugs are less of a big deal. I am torn between feeling like being dishonest does not create open communication, and not wanting to create the impression that it is permissible just because Mom did it. What will you do?
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My parents kept the vault shut until I was 18. I plan to do the same.
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Hubs and I really pride ourselves on the fact that neither of us ever tried any drugs, including pot, and we look forward to being able to honestly tell that to our children. However we both definitely experimented with underage drinking. I think I will be honest with my children about that and tell them that I regret some of the choices I made and hope to help them make smart choices for themselves.
That being said... my mom went to college in the 70s.. we know she smoked pot (she would always just giggle when we asked her!). Knowing that my mom experimented didn't lead me to do the same.
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I experimented heavily, I will reserve a lot of that information but if they ask at an appropriate age I will answer them. 15 is not appropriate, but 18 yeah, okay.
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I would probably keep the vault shut much longer....like maybe till they are 25, lol.
Even with drinking, I've seen similar studies. I don't think drinking is bad at all, and both my husband and I drink in moderation (when I'm not pregnant, lol), but we both grew up in non-drinking households and that makes me wonder if that's why he and I have always been "responsible drinkers", you know? So maybe if our kids see us imbibe only on special occasions, it won't seem like a big deal to them, but also won't seem like it's something "everyone should do", even when they are underage,.
Of course, right now, these are all just theories. I don't see my husband throwing out his collection of nice Scotch before LO gets here! =)
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I'd rather be open and honest about it and share my experiences (which were not good the few times I did try things). The more I can say that it wasn't a good thing and here's why, hopefully the more they are willing to listen (first hand account and all that).
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I never really did. I was always that kid that was so scared that the ONE time I tried it, I would get caught. Heck, the one time I snuck out I had the unfortunate luck that it was the same night my mom couldn't sleep and she heard me coming back in... fail... My dad on the other hand, was our cautionary tale. And he was just fine being that. He was really bad as a teen. Did a ton of drugs and drank alot to the point that my grandparents had to send him to a rehab/boarding school for the last few years of highschool. He turned his life around and you would never know it now but he never let us forget how terrible things got and how much worse they could have gotten. At this point I am so against drugs I can't even stand the fact that my mom smokes.... Seriously. I wont be around her or allow LO around her if she is doing it and she isn't allowed to inside my house or car.
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@highwire: Same here. My patents didn't share until I went off to school. In fact they preached a very different tune. Then I found a ledger my dad kept to track his deals when he was in college. It was just pot, but now it all made sense why my parents hooked up in the first place. LOL
I will be honest with my kids, but my story is pretty boring.
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I am also torn on this issue. My step-father was a big hippie, and smoked a lot of weed earlier in his life. When my step-brother started smoking in high school, SF felt like he didn't have a leg to stand on to reprimand him because SB knew about his past. So SB just kept on smoking pot, and nearly failed out of college.
I kind of joke with Hubs that we should make him sit down and watch episodes of Intervention. That would have scared the crap out of me!
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DH and I plan on being honest with our kids about the choices and mistakes we've made. I know with my mom, my sisters and I were very resentful of the fact that she didn't share large parts of her life with us until we were in our 20s. My dad was always more honest with us, and it made us feel like he trusted us to make our own decisions based on the information we were given. I don't want to give LO all the gory details, but she will know that DH smoked pot and cigarettes and quit, and the fact that half of his family is currently in recovery is not a secret.
It's just the way we are going to choose to do things; other families will do what they think is best!
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My parents were open about it, and I will say, it did make me more open to experimenting. But I'm not sure where I stand yet. I'm thinking I'll be keeping it shut until 21 ish right now.
One of my old coworkers said her 16 year old daughter asked about her sexual past and she told her that she and her husband were each others only one (lie) and that they waited until marriage (lie). She swears they'll never tell their kids (all girls) otherwise.
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@littlebug: My step father was a hippy as well and I have heard some crazy stories over the years. But I think it bit him in the butt with my younger sister because she doesn't see why she can't do what she wants.
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I've never even smoked a cigarette. I wonder if LO would believe me though..... none of my parent's friends do. They all say that I'm lying to my mom, that no kid is that good
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I'm mostly boring, with a couple rare instances of experimenting... I'll be honest if they ask, but won't bring it up.
@Anagram: My house was the same way, and I think it definitely helped shape the way I view drinking. I'm torn about how much I'm going to drink in front of my kids now.
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I experimented, and plan on keeping my mouth firmly shut.
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