Would you tell them who was born first?
I think if I had twins, I wouldn't!
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Apparently a lot of modern advice leans towards not telling them until they're well old enough not to use it in any kind of competition they have going on, and apparently twins are extra bad for unhealthy competition without adding to it. I don't intend to tell them til they're what, twelve or so? I mean when they're old enough to really understand that it makes absolutely no difference to anything.
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@aunt pol: I think I would wait til I was on my death bed til I told them.
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Um... I would tell them eventually... but it's not necessary until they are adults. Avoid competition.
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I never thought of this! I just asked DH when he knew he was older than his bro and he said he's always known his whole life. I think if I had twins, I'd eventually tell them.
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@Rubies: Does your DH act like the older one?
DH and his twin don't know for sure who was born first, but they've always assumed that BIL was "older." He acts like the 1st born.
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@chopsuey119: Well, since birth, my in-laws treated DH as the older brother. They put more responsibility on DH, even as kids.
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I think I would. There's pros and cons to being older and younger. And there's always an older and younger kid.
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I'm not sure if I would. I'm leaning towards no...
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I agree with Aunt Pol. There has to be an age when they would be mature about it. I think I would wait til the subject came up and they were old enough to not make it a huge issue... It would be depend on the twins. It's not like you could hide their birth certificates from them forever anyway
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I would tell them. All the twins I have come across know which one is the older twin. I dont see it as a big deal at all.
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Our baby A is the boy and B is the girl, so most likely A will be born first, and always measures older/bigger. Hubby loves the idea of 'big brother' (as he was big bro to 3 sisters), so I'm sure he'll make it known that our little boy is older.
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I never thought of this either. I don't know what I would do.
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You guys are crazy! I'm an identical twin, and there's no way we would have let this slide. We would have just picked one to be the older brother!
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I would tell them. Is it really any different than having an older sibling? Maybe it would help create some personal identity too.
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I am the younger twin & have always known I was younger but everyone says I have the personality of an older sibling. So I don't think it matters if you tell them or not. I don't feel we were competitive based on birth order, it was just normal sibling rivalry.
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@mrbee: Ah but there it is, twin boys are apparently really bad for the unhealthy competition;)
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I think I'll play it by ear, at the moment I'm not inclined to tell them but I'm not going to pick a solid position on it now. Of course if they were born either side of midnight you could'nt really hide it! Or better yet, either side of midnight on new years eve, or 29th February!!
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@Rubies: that's really unfair- its not like being ten minutes older automatically gives you more maturity!
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My younger sisters are twins... four and a half minutes apart! They always knew, but I never heard them using it against each other. Their "twin" issue was people not seeing them as two separate people
I'm not sure if I'd tell them or not. I probably would try not to, but end up forgetting that I was trying and tell them anyway...
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we don't have plans on telling them. and i am not going to get the "younger" one to call the other one nuna or oppa. they are the same age!
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DH said he's known his whole life. He's the older brother and according to his mom he always acted like it from a very young age, like 1 or 2. To this day he still acts like the oldest, too.
If I had twins, I would tell them if they asked.
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It has never been an issue in either of our families and we have quite a few sets of twins between our two families. I think people make it a much bigger deal than it really is.
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@Penny Lane: Yah, that's the main issue that most twins struggle with!
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Yea I think it's crazy for all of you who wouldn't tell your twins! I have twin brother and sister, and there is no way that they wouldn't know. I don't think they are competitive about it one bit, it's all on how you raise your children...
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"twin boys are apparently really bad for the unhealthy competition"
@aunt pol: interesting... my experience was actually the opposite of that.
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It seems like a weird thing to hide and isn't there only so long you could hide it?
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@aunt pol: Yeah...Unfortunately, my in-laws felt the need to do that. It probably really did affect how they grew up because my BIL is the carefree and rebellious type.
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I don't think this is really something you can hide for too long. I have papers from preschool where I was the "Star of the week" and we filled out things like time of birth. Obviously in preschool that won't mean much to a kid but once they start getting into grade school and getting older they will figure it out. I think hiding it turns it into a big secret and makes it a big deal when it really isn't.
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I never thought about it but I don't see why not?
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@mrbee: lucky you so:) its just what the books have said so far.
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@eeh: well that's a good point too. I think if it was something they were quite determined to know then I'd tell them, no point creating an issue.
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If this is something you plan to do, I wouldn't tell anyone else the birth order either. Big family secrets usually find their way out pretty quickly.
With the most recent twins in our family, Baby B was the smaller one and he was actually born first. So the smaller brother is actually older, I doubt that will make any difference as they get older.
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@MerryC: YAY! you found out the sex! so exciting to have one of each, eh? =D
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@tequiero21: Yes! - and luckily their bits and parts have been confirmed a few times now, so we feel confident. One of each is totally what we were hoping for
Not too much longer until you get to meet your little ones now - excited for you!
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Wait--- I never knew anyone would withhold birth order! Never even occurred to me.
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@MerryC: Baby A doesn't always come out first, so you might be in for a surprise. It really depends where they are at the time of delivery
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@Mrs. Jacks: Oh, that's good to know - thanks! I'm sure they'll do lots of rearranging between now and delivery
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what i want to know is how do you know which baby it is if you're having the same sex? i think ours will definitely be baby A first because she's definitely blocking the boy.
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Sorry, I should have been clearer, Baby A was originally going to come first due to position, but B was a little distressed, so he came first instead. They are both happy and healthy though, and giving their mom gray hairs.
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41 comments