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I agree with @Mrs. Pen: When you live in apartment you expect some noise! I didn't live an apartment when I had my kids BUT I lived in apartments all through college and a bunch of years when I started working. I totally remember crying and didn't mind at all. It is life!

I think after a while people just tend to filter out the noises like crying, because I remember hearing crying when it first started and now for the life of me I can't recall it happening more than a handful of times but the baby must have cried more than a handful of times right? Haha.

So don't worry do what's best for your family!

I agree- apartment living you have to expect it. We have new next door neighbors in our building who just talk so loud and have people over all the time. I feel like they are louder than our baby is at this point.

Like you, our Bedrooms don't share walls with neighbors, only the living room. So it's only downstairs who would hear.

No way. Sorry. Definitely not in an apartment. My apartment code is to be as quiet as I can and to hope I am treated the same in return. You can't let a dog cry in our apartment, so certainly not a child.

Obviously all babies cry, but we are talking about letting a baby cry, and no- I wouldn't want to do that to my neighbors or have them do that to me even if that was their baby sleep philosophy.

Yep, we did. We asked our neighbors about it a few times and they always said they didn't hear him!

I lived in a terraced house a few years ago, where my bedroom was directly next to the next door neighbour's baby's room. They used to let him cry and cry and cry and I was so judgemental - "why aren't they going to him?" "they neglect that poor baby", "I'm going to call social services". I didn't know it was an actual technique!

I live in a (different) terraced house now and I wouldn't let my baby CIO for night wakings in case it woke the neighbours. Naps and bedtime - I would.

Never. Especially never in the night, my goodness. Just imagine if your neighbors were making some kind of preventable noise in the night - I'd be furious.

@Greentea: seriously. What if the person who was being kept up was a doctor or a pilot or someone else who's ability to work safely depends on being rested? There is a big difference between the noise we all make all day and choosing to let your baby cry loudly at night. One of these things is reasonable and one is not, imho.

@sarac: @Greentea: I think that to some extent, a crying baby IS reasonable, and is NOT preventable. I certainly don't comfort my crying child instantly because I'm afraid of neighbors--when your'e sleep training, it's unfortunately part of the process. Or if you have colicky baby, or a tantruming toddler--it's par for the course. My apt is my private space, but as an apt dweller I have to expect that it is impossible to completely cut out all other noises. And if someone's job depends on getting a good night's sleep, I expect them to use ear plugs, white noise, etc, or find a quieter apt.

@Greentea: @sarac: my child lives in my apartment, and yes, she cries. According to our landlord, she has every right to live here, too, and babies cry. I certainly wouldn't be a jerk about it, but we sleep trained with up and downstairs neighbors. Fortunately, we've never shared a wall with anyone.

I don't want to sound like I let her scream for no reason or run around making tons of noise when it is late. But to say that children should be seen and not heard at all because you live in an apartment complex is absurd to me. Crying at night is something that happens. It just is. And I would expect reasonable people to understand that.

@hilsy85: this exactly.

@hilsy85: as a previous apt dweller, i found it wasn't easy to switch apts. moving is not an easy feat and takes so much time, effort, and money. I know I never take moving lightly, even if it's a close move! I don't think it's the responsibility of the other neighbor to ensure that their apt is free of outside noise? I agree with you that babies cry and some amount of crying is definitely reasonable, but an extended period - for example, over 15-30 minutes at night - does not seem courteous or reasonable to me.

Not an apartment, but we live in a townhome with neighbors on either side. There are cinder block walls between us, but I can still hear some movement and sound from the neighbors (e.g. I can hear when the descend the stairs quickly). We make the effort to keep the dog from barking, at least in part because I don't want him bothering the neighbors. I decided early on, however, that I was not going to worry about whether they could hear and minded LO's crying. For one thing, my feeling stressed about that was not going to help when I was trying to calm her. I also was not willing to let my parenting decisions (e.g. whether to go to her immediately, or give her a chance to self-soothe) be dictated by the possibility that someone next door *may* be able to hear her, and *may* be bothered by it.

Conversely, I don't expect my neighbors to schedule their lawn mowing or band practice to take the possibility that LO is napping into account.

There are always noises in an apartment, and babies are certainly going to cry. Extended crying though, especially in the middle of the night, no way. I think it's disrespectful to not at least attempt to minimize the noise.

@pinkcupcake: I think as an apt dweller I think it's unreasonable to expect your apt to be free of outside noise...such is the nature of communal dwelling. Not to mention, that really depends on the type of buidling, how many apts are in it, etc. If one type of building didn't work for me, I would look elsewhere when my lease was up. I don't think people should be inconsiderate, but I don't think it's unreasonable for a baby to cry for an extended period in the middle of the night. @sarac: to go back to your point, what if it was your job that needed you to be on point and rested (doctor, pilot, etc)? Having a baby wake up constantly is not conducive to good rest, so maybe sleep training and crying for periods of time is the best way to make that happen.

Huh, interesting. I lived in an apartment when my son was born and the child cried himself to sleep while I held him for at least 6 months, for every nap and night time. What was I supposed to do in that situation to stop it? If a neighbor came to complain I probably would have fallen apart, I was already stressed and I did my best to make sure we weren't offensively noisy.

We live in an condo, and we've had our share of crying--but our building is pretty new and I think the walls are thick. When I'm in the hall, I can hear our neighbor's dog barking and the other neighbor practicing piano, but can never hear it in our unit. So I've never worried a bit about it.

We live below a GINORMOUS dog that runs around and barks all hours of the day and night, and luckily, I can only really hear him when our patio door is open and their balcony door is open. So, :shrug:

I asked a similar question pertaining to toddler tantrums in another group.. and I realized you just have to do what you have to do. Sometimes the total amount of crying is less if you send clear messages to LOs. Of course this is all age/stage/issue dependent and different for every child, but still worth mentioning I think.

That said I have a LO about your baby's age (3.5 months) and what I do right now is I do the minimum when putting him down. First I just show up, reassure him. Then a hand on him, or sort of cradling his head. A pat. Then pick up. Then rock/walk/bounce/movement. So I'm not necessarily letting him cry but still letting him do as much of the work of falling asleep as possible. In the MOTN I stick a paci in his mouth or feed him though. My older LO is very bothered by his MOTN cries, so I really hope this system stays working. My dd never "fussed" though, went straight to hysterical cries, so this wouldn't have worked on her.