Did they ever come back into your life? Just thinking of all the people that I lost touch with since DS was born. I wonder if it's worth reaching out to them, or if I should spare myself the humiliation of getting no response.
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@Mama Bird: For me, it depended on what kind of friends they were! Work friends were still there, high school/college friends are always there no matter how long it had been, but more recent friendships were more dicey!
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Not "lost" but definitely don't hang out with a few anymore because it's been a big shift in life. No more going out to get a beer at the local bar when the baby goes to sleep at 7
.I tell myself in a few years when the baby grows up more that we will once again resume going out at night OR that those friends will start having children and be in the same boat. My husband and I state constantly that this is a season of life.
I say reach out, but with something baby friendly, such as coffee dates or having them come over for dinner so you can put baby to bed.
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@mrbee: yeah, my work friends are still there, but there was a close little group in college that I miss very much. I hope I can mend some bridges with them, but I know they all stopped meeting so much around the same time (many of us live in different states), so I think it's just that time in our lives when everyone moves on...
@Tanjowen: that's good advice! It's a pity many of them live far away now, but I've tried inviting people over when they were visiting. Didn't help, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised that someone who visits NYC twice a year would rather see a show than hang out with me and a toddler
I do hope they'll understand when they have kids if their own, that just because someone doesn't call you often, it's not because you don't matter to them any more!
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I don't think it ever hurts to reach out- especially if you are all out of state, maybe starting up an email correspondence will work out! I don't think you would regret trying, because the worst that could happen is that nothing changes.
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@Anya: thanks, I think I will give it another try!
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I lost a friend after DS was born. I did make efforts to get her back in my life but she made it pretty clear that she wasn't interested. I was really disappointed because we had been friends since elementary school, and had been really close in the years before my son was born. I think it's worth making the effort, but be prepared if it isn't reciprocal.
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@lamariniere: I'm sorry that happened to you. I do realize that even if I reach out, it's probably too late... oh well. It's still worth a try!
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Looking back, the friends I lost weren't really friends to begin with. I was trying to justify why they needed to distance themselves, but to be honest other friends with those same reasons chose to remain close to me by agreeing to go with the flow and accepting my new situation for what it was. I wouldn't ever say anything mean to them, but at the same time I also will never try to rekindle the friendship.
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@Modern Daisy: doing the same thing here, trying to justify that they have all these other things going on in their life
it's just sad because we've shared all these experiences, and they're pretty much the only people that remember the girl I used to be, before I was all about work-cook-pick-up-toys.I'm sure it's my fault too, I've had to say no to a couple of invitations to meet up when DS was little.... I'm sure people thought I was lying when I said he was sick both times. Maybe when they have kids, they'll see how unpredictable they are, and how hard it is to make plans with them.
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it's just sad because we've shared all these experiences, and they're pretty much the only people that remember the girl I used to be, before I was all about work-cook-pick-up-toys.Reply
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