Hellobee Boards

Yes, so I could tell her to stop!

Hell yes.
I would feel the same about my daughter or my son (well, maybe slightly more worried about the daughter because of the pregnancy risk).
I would want to know so that I could try to reason with them and discourage it, and if that doesn't work make sure they are using protection and have emotional support from me.

I wasn't sexually active in high school, and I'm very glad I wasn't. No regrets there, and I'll let my kids know that.

It freaks me out to think of my child having sex, but I hope that if the situation arose I would handle it well, without harming the relationship with my child.

Yes. I've thought about this before because of my own mom's reaction to me having sex. While I was a senior before I became sexually active, my mom found out and freaked completely out. I mean, she called now-DH's mom and said "My daughter was a virgin before she met your son and now she isn't and will never be again." Yikes. I hope I can be not so dramatic about it.

I definitely think 14-16 is too young to be sexually active. Its hard for me though, because I was 17 and I ended up marrying the one and only person I have had sex with. And I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous but I knew I was going to marry him when we had sex. I was a very private and quiet person and I didn't take sex lightly. Obviously, my case isn't the most common though.

I'd say that I'd want my daughter to feel comfortable enough to come to me and discuss it when she has a serious boyfriend so we can talk about birth control options. I will definitely discourage sex in middle/high school though...way too many girls getting pregnant and have baby daddies before they are out of high school!

I would want to know. Ah! I don't even want to think about that yet though :X

I would want to know so I could make sure they were protected.

@Rubies: omg I LOL'd when I read your comment!

I don't even wanna think about! But apparently it's completely acceptable to have your bf spend the night here in Sweden. Hubby's older sister had boys sleep over in high school! O_O

Over my dead body! That's what I told DH.

Yes I would want to know. I wouldn't try to stop them, but inform them and help them take precautions, like getting DD on birth control, etc.

Yeah, I would want to know. So I can try to get them to stop or at least do it safely.

I hope I do as good of a job as my Mom did so that they DON'T, but ya know...I guess yes I'd want to know. I'd want to make sure protection was used and that they knew how serious it was and didn't buy into it being socially acceptable. Ick.

Also, so that I could make sure to find out where it was happening so it could possibly be prevented? I don't even have kids yet and this makes me cringe.

I'm not sure if I'd want to know exactly when they started having sex, but I'd definitely have regular talks about contraception/safe sex.

I don't know--I lost my virginity senior year of high school, and a few weeks before it happened, my mom and I had a really amazing talk about the importance of sex, waiting for the right person, making a smart choice, etc. I felt really close to her--so close that after I had sex for the first time, I shared it with her about a week later. I felt I had made the right choice for me, I got on the pill and used condoms, etc. She had a horrible reaction, assumed I didn't listen to anything she said, and acted like what I did was a personal attack against her. That really had a negative impact on me. I felt like she wanted to have a trusting, open relationship, so long as I did what she thought I should do.

I don't want my kids to feel that way, so I'm determined not to judge them, even though I'm sure inwardly I'll be horrified and traumatized to find out they're having sex.

YES. I would want to know so that I could be sure she was being safe and responsible about it. I plan to be open and honest with my kids about everything and that includes frank discussions about sex. My mother and I had a relationship where I knew I could ask her a question and I knew that I would get an honest answer. I could tell her anything. I really want that kind of relationship with my kids.

Like @digapony, I'm not sure I'd want to know SPECIFICALLY (like, "hey Mom, cashed in my v-card last night, thought you should know"), but I'd want to know if she was considering becoming sexually active, and I'd want to know (at some point) once she became sexually active.
I think there are plenty of good reasons to delay becoming sexually active, and I'd like to talk about those with my kids, but ultimately once they're older teens, those are decisions that they will (and will have to) make for themselves. And I'd like to focus on making sure they have the knowledge and support to make the best decisions for themselves, even if that means having uncomfortable conversations and acknowledging that they won't always make the decisions I'd like.
This all goes out the window for younger kids though. 13-year-olds having sex? Oh hells no. I'd be up there with Rubies' DH on that one.

@Artbee Show her videos of someone actually giving birth (including placenta delivery), plus the photos from Ina May Garten's book. That would have worked on me. (I think if I'd seen it prior to actually getting pregnant two years ago, it would have still worked on adult-me)

Yes, I would want to know, so that I could make sure she was on birth control.

I want to be as open and accepting as possible with our kids and hopefully they will feel like they can come to us. In fact, when our daughter starts high school, I plan on explicitly telling her that while I hope that she waits until she is older, if she does want to become sexually active, I won't judge her, I just want to make sure she goes to the doctor and gets birth control, and uses condoms also. DH is going to emphasize using condoms to our son, as well.

I agree that high school (and even early college) is way too young to be having sex. But the fact is that most do. My friends in high school that could talk to their parents about their sex lives were actually a lot smarter about it than the ones that felt like they had to keep it a secret. I'd rather our daughter be able to count on us to support her and keep her safe than send her out into that world on her own.

I don't know about you guys, but I am actually more worried about our SON than our daughter (assuming we have one of each). It would be so horrible if our son grew up to be disrespectful to girls in any way, as many high school/college boys are. It also scares me that he could not be careful and end up getting a girl pregnant. In that situation, DH & I would have very little say, and could end up having a grandchild we never saw, or had a bad relationship with. At least if our daughter got pregnant we would have more control over the situation.

Most definitely. I want to have an open relationship and make sure that she is using protection.

I wasn't sexually active until senior year of hs, but my parents never knew about it. Thankfully, I was careful on my own and used protection.

Honestly, my mom probably thinks that I was a virgin 'til DH, but I don't have it in me still to tell her otherwise.

Oh man. That's one of my worst nightmares. I know most moms worry about girls being sexually active but I actually worry about my son being sexually active too. What if he gets a girl pregnant or gets an STD or..... ACK! But yes, if I had a girl, I would definitely want to know!

@Lozza: you touched a nerve (in a good way) with me about the gender-unbiased strategy, because boys seem to get the bad rap that they're the ones that put the pressure on the girl and deserve to have their d*cks cut off, in the words of a previous poster.

I think we all need to remember that pressure comes from both genders and we, as parents, need to prepare our children for the reality of the world we live in, where kids mature a lot earlier.

@Rubies: HAHA! Sounds like what my husband would say also!

I would definetely want to know, my mom was always very honest with us about sex & I think it helped me make a mature decision. I want my daughter (and son) to feel like they can come to us and speak openly about these kind of things and that we won't punish them. Nothing would be more shocking then coming to me to say they are pregnant and there is nothing you can do about it because it is too late.