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My MIL lives about 8 hours away and she met DS and DD at 3 weeks old

We had to take our lo to her grandparents to meet them. She was 3 months old. They see their granddaughter 2 times a year - once when they stop by on their drive to their summer Virginia home and once when they are driving back through to their Florida home. If we want them to see her more often than that, we have to go to them. I feel your pain and match your bitterness.

My ILs didn't meet DD until she was 8 months old -- it's a 16-17 hour plane trip (which works out to more like 21 hours door-to-door). They've actually never made the trip since we moved here, which is another story...but anyway, that was the first time we were able to schedule a trip there. They did acknowledge her and frequently Skype with DH/DD, though. My parents live across the country and came when DD was 3 weeks old (she was a couple weeks early and that was the soonest they could get away from work etc).

Not yet, but we're pretty far away.

My mom was here a week ish later (hard to book flights when you can only stay a week, so we opted for later) FIL was there about 2-3 weeks PP and MIL was there 5ish weeks PP. I would be fine if MIL never came she tried to come earlier but we pushed it back to family coming for Thanksgiving. I don't think she'll come for LO#2 (and we won't be inviting her) but she is VERY active in commenting on FB about it. She hasn't acknoweldged my pregnancy TO ME though - when DH told her she didn't text me, ask to talk to me, congratulate me, etc. She's all about how she looks on FB to her church friends but is a really bad grandma.

How is your relationship with MIL? Is this suprrising? Is there stress or strain in the relationship or in her life? What does DH think about it? Has she commented on FB at all or texted/called you guys?

Yup, I'd be upset! Both our parents live far away, but are retired and would definitely come to see our baby within the first few weeks.

They made the 8.5 hour drive within the week of her birth- I would have preferred they wait a bit longer. I would have been really hurt had they not come to visit with 6 weeks or so unless they had a good reason. It is their first grandchild of that makes a difference, maybe I would feel differently if it were like my fifth child or something...?

ILs did not physically meet LO until she was 4.5 months old when we flew there to see them. They have never been here to visit DH and he has lived in the US for 15 years. We offered to pay for them to come to the wedding and they did not want to. I am more bitter about it than DH is. But, DH does FaceTime at least once a day if he is not traveling, so LO has seen them almost everyday of her life.

They live 4 hours away. We texted them when we got to the hospital around 10 at night. They drove up the next morning and were in the waiting room my parents till we had her. Then they came by the next morning before they went home (Tuesday). Then they invited themselves up on Sat and stayed with us for the night.

I'm in the same situation. They have decided to not come visit us and wait for us to come to them and I'm really bitter about it. Firstly, i don't want them to be a priority when we do make the trip there because we have a lot of people to see. Secondly, my FIL and BIL don't even work so only MIL would need to take time off which she had plenty of leave to use. Ugh. I'll leave it at that, but mostly know you are not alone.

@oliviaoblivia: Thanks, it's one of those "funny but fucked up" things that's par for the course!

@oliviaoblivia: I agree that a flight home wouldn't be that big of a deal, especially if she can afford to spend half the year living one place, and another part of the year living somewhere else!

My in-laws lived in CA when E was born (and we live in ME), and both (divorced) flew out the week she was born. MIL came the day after she was born, and FIL came when she was just a few days old.

I think your frustration is entirely warranted

Both my parents and in-laws live about a 10 drive or 3 hour plane ride away. Both sets came the day after my son (2 yrs old) was born and my MIL visits every 2-3 months. My mom on the other hand has only visited twice in 2 years. She has some anxiety issues but it still stings a little that she doesn't visit more. At this point I think she only will see us if we visit.

My MIL lives 45 minutes away and hasn't seen DS in well over a year. Good riddance. She did manage to make arrangements to meet him within a couple months of his birth though. She's a gem.

I think your bitterness it totally warranted, try not to let it get the best of you though. It's her loss, the girls have plenty of other people who love and cherish them!

My in-laws live 13.5 hours away. This is their first grandchild so they were eager to visit but understood we'll need a little time to adjust so they visited for a week when LO was 6 weeks old. Now LO is almost 6 months old and I feel like they are missing out experiencing him at this age but since they work and this isn't a daytrip for them, it will be a couple of months before they see him again.

@oliviaoblivia: In your situation, I'd be a little bitter, but maybe count my blessings?

MIL flew out when S was a week old and stayed for 5 or 6 days (they're in NL). FIL didn't come (but that was ok with me). We did Skype with him while MIL was here.

I was more upset about my brother not meeting her till she was 20 months.

MIL came into town the week I was induced and stayed the following week so she met DS immediately (a few hours after he was born and I allowed visitors). The rest of my in laws came into town a few days later I think.