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If your odds to conceive a HEALTHY baby naturally were low...

  • poll: If your odds of conceiving a HEALTHY baby naturally were low, what would you do?
    Try again one more time, and then move on to IVF w/PGD : (87 votes)
    53 %
    Keep trying naturally until we have a baby...even low odds mean its possible : (8 votes)
    5 %
    Go straight to IVF w/PGD, its already been a year of trying and the odds aren't good : (70 votes)
    42 %
  1. mrs. wagon

    blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts

    @SweetiePie: I am so sorry you are going through this and for your losses. Praying for you and your decision no matter what it turns out to be!! God has a plan!!

    I voted to go straight to IVF. We have close friends whose baby (their first) has a rare chromosomal abnormality and her condition is pretty severe. Watching them go through everything has been absolutely devastating. Their life has turned completely upside down. It has led to us having many discussions about what we would do if it were us in their shoes. If we knew about the abnormality, we would avoid the chance of conceiving an "unhealthy" child at all costs. It sounds like the PGD is the way to go in that scenario.

  2. bushelandapeck

    pomelo / 5720 posts

    I voted try one more time, then IVF just because that sounds like what your heart is telling you to do. That's probably what I would do as well. I'm wishing you the best of luck on your journey!

  3. red_seattle

    kiwi / 549 posts

    @SweetiePie: mine is 13/14, which I think is the most common BT. (Mrs. jacks or someone else may be able to confirm.) I believe age is a big thing in my favor. The rate for passing on the trisomy does increase a bit when I hit 30, and then hugely after 35.

    I think Mrs.Jacks seems to be concerned that you consider what happens in the event of conceiving a baby with the trisomy that miraculously makes it to birth at full term. It's a valid point. I know people who are carriers for a much, much, much less serious disease choose to do IVF + PGD. In a case like yours or even mine, if you have the means and desire, it's a simpler choice and, IMO, a good one. Again, because our odds are still good, it was a risk we felt comfortable with. But we did have to talk through worst case scenario. Along with the obvious concerns with paying for medical care, and the round the clock care survivors need in their short lifespans, huge medical interventions needed, etc, I think it would also depend on what you think your finances and marriage could handle. One of you would have to quit your job to care for the child, it would be a huge stressor on even the greatest marriages, etc. it's worth thinking through in making your decision.

    If IVF+PGD is an option, then I think it's a very good choice. But again-- only you can make the final call on what risks you are comfortable taking and your comfort level with a worst case scenario situation.

  4. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @mrs. wagon: Thank you so much for the insight. I got your wall message, I'll reply separately there

    @Orvis18: Thank you

    @red_seattle: My translocation is between 18 and 20. I'm actually not sure how common or uncommon that is, but I feel like I'm reading that its not very common. But that's probably because we Google all of the negative stuff
    Can you tell me a bit more about your CVS? Maybe we can take it to a wall conversation.

  5. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    Small update, for those who are reading along. I got an appointment with an RE that came both personally and professionally recommended. I have 2 mutual friends who went to him and loved him...one for PCOS, one for IVF, but not PGD. And my Genetic Counselor recommended him as well.
    Its next Thursday, Oct 17th. Its just a consultation so that we can get some questions answered, learn about the potential timeline of things, etc.
    I'm so ready for next Thursday already! We might not actually do IVF for a few months if we try one more time in our own, but it will feel so good to have this in our arsenal of information.

  6. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    @SweetiePie: yay, great news!! I hope he can answer your questions and make you feel better about whatever decision you make.

  7. irene

    nectarine / 2964 posts

    @SweetiePie: That's good

    So I don't understand.... if you don't do IVF + therapy and try on your own, the probability of a healthy baby is low. If you do IVF+therapy, then they will have a good chance of giving you an all-healthy baby...?

    If that's the case, I voted IVF if it were for me. However, you need to do whatever you feel good about. So I am happy for you that there is good news.

  8. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @irene: Yep, that's right. I know, I'm a nut for wanting to try on my own. I checked with my Genetic Counselor and she said that every couple handles it differently and if that's what I feel I need to do in order to move on, then I should do it (as long as I'm prepared for the worst, which I think I am).
    Its almost like I need ONE MORE confirmation that I'm broken. I know that I have the scientific evidence that I am...but I don't know, I guess its just hard for me to believe. Like, maybe two times was a freak thing...we didn't get the first fetus tested...so if it happens a third time and we get it tested and its another T18 or T20, then I know for sure.

    I don't know, its still something I'm struggling with. I know that I'd have a baby sooner with IVF, but I'm afraid I'll worry later that I jumped the gun. A case of the "what ifs".

    Who knows, maybe after Thursday he will have thoroughly convinced me to just dive in head first to IVF. I'm open to that too, if that's what my gut instinct changes to.

    I feel like I sound crazy.

  9. irene

    nectarine / 2964 posts

    @SweetiePie: No you don't sound crazy at all. ETA: agree with @Mrs. Jacks: AND you are NOT broken. !!!

    So when they say an "unhealthy" baby, meaning that it will have a strange chromosome count and likely wouldn't survive..... but is there a chance that it will? so if it survives and you carry full term, he/she *may* have long term medical issues to battle with?

    That would be what I worry about... if I were you and tried naturally and it sticks, it may have issues and my baby may have medical issues. That's why I voted I would just go with IVF if they are for sure that my baby will be healthy.

    I hope the appointment you have with the RE will give you good suggestions, and I hope your gut instinct is right! Sending warm healing thoughts.

  10. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    @SweetiePie: you are not broken!

  11. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    @SweetiePie: you're not broken, promise!!! It just is. I feel broken a lot, too...but I'm always assured I'm wrong. You're wrong, too

  12. Mrs.Someone

    pomelo / 5228 posts

    @SweetiePie: Another vote for you being perfect just as you are! Think of it as evolution. We all are making small changes in genetics along the way for our species to evolve (no, I'm not a scientist, so hopefully this is along the right idea). Also, all of us have something rough that we go through in life, but we get through it.

  13. MrsKoala

    cantaloupe / 6869 posts

    @SweetiePie: You are not a nut nor are you broken. To be honest, I think you are handling this so well and are so strong. I know that I probably would not be as strong as you are.

  14. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @irene: @Mrs. Jacks: @LovelyPlum: @Mrs.Someone: @MrsKoala: Awww thanks girls. I will chant in my head "I am not broken. I am not broken. I am not broken."

    I wish it was next Thursday alreadyyyyyyyy!

  15. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    So here we go! I have a blaringly positive OPK this evening (it was negative this morning). So I think that we'll BD once tonight and see what happens! I'm really taking this "if it's meant to be" thing far We get pregnant easily so I won't be surprised if it works, but I will be shocked if it sticks and is healthy!

    Wish us luck!

  16. Lindsay05

    pomegranate / 3759 posts

    @SweetiePie: Good luck!

  17. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    @SweetiePie: eek! So long as you're at peace, then good for you. Hoping for the best results for you, even if they don't come this cycle.

  18. pui

    bananas / 9899 posts

    @SweetiePie: God willing.

  19. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @Lindsay05: @LovelyPlum: @pui: Thanks ladies Unfortunately the BDing didn't happen as planned. Long story but nothing I can do about it now.

    So yesterday (Thurs) we had our first RE appointment and I was shocked. He gave us odds that are just mind boggling. He said that if we try on our own we only have a FIVE percent chance each time of conceiving a healthy baby. FIVE?!? I just wasn't expecting that. I want to believe that he's not saying that because he's biased and wants to scare us into IVF...he's one of the best in NYC and is associated with a great hospital. But that just seems so low.

    Anyway, now I feel like IVF is our only hope to have our own baby. I've been crying a lot since yesterday.
    But at the same time, the odds he gave us were pretty great for IVF w/PGD, so at least I know its a solid option.

    Just wanted to give an update and type it out. Makes it more real

  20. Mrs Green Grass

    pomelo / 5628 posts

    @SweetiePie: I think the odds are 20% each cycle for normal people, so he's probably reducing your percentage from there?

  21. rachiecakes

    coconut / 8279 posts

    @SweetiePie: :::big hugs::: you're doing all the right things, looking for all the right information, asking all the right questions. you'll be a great mom no matter how you get there

  22. annabanana

    apple seed / 1 posts

    @sweetiepie, I know this post is 4 years old and you may not even see this...but in the off chance you do, do you mind sharing what you decided? I have a very similar situation and this thread has given me lots of encouragement. While I hate others are going through the same thing, it’s nice to know I’m not alone!

  23. mrswin

    nectarine / 2433 posts

    @annabanana: I have tagged her for you. When you want to tag someone so they get a notification click the word reply in the top right hand corner of their message


  24. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @annabanana: Hi! First off I’m sorry you are facing a similar situation. It’s so hard to be told you can’t/shouldn’t conceive the old fashioned way. It’s emotionally, physically and financially draining.
    I ultimately decided to go ahead with IVF. After discussing ad nauseam with my husband we decided that trying on our own and miscarrying (or worse) again to eventually have to do IVF anyway would just set us back for months and we were ready to start a family. We had already been trying for a year and who knew how much longer it would take - either way.
    We got lucky and our first round of IVF worked. Out of 8 embryos tested only 1 was normal (my odds ended up being way worse than they initially stated at the beginning of this post - my RE gave me odds more like 15-20% of my eggs were viable and sure enough he was right as 1/8 was good). We now have a 3 year old who is our pride and joy. We now know that our miscarriages and my chromosome issue were part of God’s plan because had they not happened we wouldn’t have DS.
    I’m also currently pregnant with DS2. Also IVF. I briefly grappled with the same thought process - should we just try on our own and see what happens. I’m glad I didn’t because it turned out those 3 or so years since the first time my body drastically changed. After 2 rounds of all abnormal embryos and poor response, my RE suggested donor eggs but I did feel I wanted to do one more round. And that was the round we got TWO good embryos. I’m 25 weeks pregnant with one and we have another frozen for later if we choose to keep expanding our family.

    Anyway, this is just the brief version of my decision and outcome, if you’d like more details feel free to ask anything.
    Ultimately just follow your instinct. My HEART wanted to try again on our own but my HEAD knew that IVF was the right choice. Sometimes the heart and head align, for me it didn’t. I’m glad I listened to my head.


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