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@Zbug: I don't feel this pressure, but I know what you're speaking of (and have heard other WOHPs say the same thing). I think LO's independence is a strength -- and also that he wouldn't have constant interaction or focused adult engagement in any other setting, either. Every second (and third and fourth) child similarly has divided attention thrown their way. I think it depends on how you view your role as a SAHP. I want to make sure he is safe, supported, and well taken care of. I don't necessarily see my job as to 'entertain' him -- although I do sometimes! I see it more as providing opportunities for him to explore on his own, and providing opportunities for him to interact with other little people and the outside world. And then entertaining him and engaging him when I genuinely feel like it or he is asking me to -- not because I feel like I'm obligated to

I felt that pressure when I was a SAHM. I was "on duty" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, because I was the primary caregiver and I am a control freak. So even when Wagon Sr. would "take over" I'd still be "in charge", directing him what to do and when, because I knew how the past day went, how the past hour went, etc. I took pride in how much control I had over my baby's schedule and I also suffered a lot from never getting (or rather, giving myself) a break.

I am waaaaay less stressed out as a WOHM! Yes, I have stress from work and the logistics of getting everyone to and from daycare, but I have time away from the kids and I'm much more willing to give up control and trust others to take care of my kids while I'm not around. It makes me a better mom because when I AM with my kids, I'm a lot less controlling and I can just focus on enjoying them.

For me personally, being home with an active lo who doesn't sleep much is the ...looking for the right words... um... seriously one of the most challenging things I have ever done (still not the correct word). You have to be on all.the.time. Even if you are barley able to see straight from being tired, or you haven't had a chance to eat... or fill in the blank. DD only takes a short nap, and on me. I run around all day and I have no idea what internet moms are talking about when they say they have down time. For me and other irl moms (and I have been a nanny for different families) the moms basically go nuts because of how much work los are. That is why they would hire me even though they stayed home. I find it challenging because if you really need a break, at least for me- you don't get one. If you have a high maintenance baby like I do you have to do xyz right then, nothing about it is laid back or reasonable because your boss is a baby! I love when dh gets home to even help with even one thing sometimes when I need a break. It really isn't like anything else. Moms I have nannied for feel the same- they almost didn't have kids because they knew how much work they are.

One mom thought I was nuts for being a nanny and said she wouldn't want to be around kids all day (she was a sahm of two.) She said if she were me she'd be bartending!

All that being said, I believe in bending around babies and it is only for a short time. (It is worth it, but golly it is a lot!) But I very much appreciate my hands on husband. He, along with getting out everyday, really keep me sane. I appreciate him so much!

All the time! I really struggle with this lately because being almost 38 weeks pregnant, I just can't keep up with her like I used to. I am often exhausted by 4pm. Luckily DH has been helping out a ton but I want her to feel engaged and have fun everyday. Then I remember not every kid in daycare is getting one on one attention all day long and dd will be just fine if I let her play independently while I rest on the couch for awhile or do some chores. I actually think it's great she can play independently and doesn't "need" me all the time. I also know that while my husband is working very hard, he gets to take a Walk to get coffee or chat with a coworker so if I want to call my mom to chat or just put her in the stroller for a walk to clear my mind, that's ok.

@mrs. wagon: I think this is exactly how I feel. Even when DH is home and helping, I'm still in charge! I'm still the primary care-giver and it is exhausting.

I do look forward to nap time because those are my breaks. I try not to feel guilty about that because nap time is a healthy habit for my kiddo. He needs nap time just as much as I need the break.

Part of me looks forward to going back to work. The part of me that craves adult interaction and a different type of productivity. Definitely not the part of not seeing L. That will suck big time, but hopefully it will make "our" time much more special.

I feel guilty for surfing my phone while dd is in her jumperoo but there's only so many ways to engage a 6 month old . I just spent the past hour doing tummy time , reading books , singing songs, looking in the mirror, and now I need a break. Haha. The house is a mess though so I should really be doing that while she is in her jumperoo instead of on my phone

Some days for sure! I feel lucky to be home with her yet some days drag on a bit. I definitely felt like I had more me time when I was working (I went back after maternity leave for 3 months) as odd as that sounds.... probably because I showered, got dressed, had alone time on my commute etc. My goal is to have more balance! Regardless, I wouldn't trade this!

I shouldn't chime in on these posts, because I'm always in the minority and then it stresses me out just reading other peoples' responses! I was talking about it with my Mom and she was saying how back in the 50s, women had so much going on with housework the kids were more supervised (loosely) than educated or entertained. I think the internet has really fueled the notion that if you're a SAHP, you should be on, entertaining, educating, interacting 24/7.

In the first two months I felt a lot of what @mrs. wagon speaks of. I felt like I never got a break - it was (for me, not speaking for her!) total martyrdom. Then I started breaking down crying. And we reevaluated. He totally took over once he came home and I was banned to the basement or to leave the house - and it made a H U G E difference. Huge. He felt more empowered, and I felt less stressed. Motherhood has truly relaxed me from previous type-A ness and for that I'm thankful.

@Mrs. Sunshine I think it's hard to say, with anything, how much is personality and how much is practice/influence from me. I will tell you it's something I've deliberately cultivated -- I have a family member who had a SAHP who was always "ON" and engaging and then would feel exhausted and stick her in front of the TV from a young age. Now, she is 3, and (shockingly) demands 100% of your attention, or an Ipad/TV. It's exhausting!! My Mom reminded me from when he was itty bitty to give him some freedom.

It's specifically a part of our routine and rhythm, and has been for a long time, in increasing amounts. Right now he is 15 months, and after breakfast he typically has 45 minutes of time he needs to entertain himself or follow me around while I do things. Some days he wants longer, some (rarely) days he is whining at my leg every 10 seconds. If he is insistent, I'll take his hand and lead him over to something he can play with and leave him, rinse repeat.

Something else that makes a huge difference, judging from other playdates I've been to, is that our home is very toddler friendly. If he can't play with it, it is locked or out of his reach. So I'm not constantly redirecting him and expecting him to reset and entertain himself each time. I can fold laundry in the bedroom, and if he wants to hang out with me he can - but he often will go into his room and play, or go watch the birds on the porch.

Hope that helps! I certainly don't think I have it all figured out - but this is what works for us. Self-entertainment is a non-negotiable for me because we'd like to have another ASAP, and we're waiting until 2 for any screen time. So.. if I didn't insist on independent play, I'd go insane