How have your kids made friends? I know some of the ways to help kids socialize, but I'm curious what specifically led to friendships for your LO(s). I would think playdates would work better than classes, since they're more one on one, but what do I know? I'm just kind of trying to think about what life will be like once LO is here and a bit older, and how to be sure she gets enough social time and makes friends. I'm planning to homeschool, so even once she's older she won't be in a classroom setting much, if at all, so I'll need to make an extra effort.
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Classes are really good so they learn to follow instruction from someone other than you. Also, I never realized before my LO's the amount of peer pressure that helps them behave. For example, daycares get 15 one year olds to all nap on a mat at the same time. I couldn't get my single toddler to do that. But since everyone else is doing it at daycare, she's happy to comply. So, even watching other kids in a class can be very beneficial from a young age.
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Classes could be things like:
Music class (sit in a circle, follow the lead singer)
Story time at the library (sit and listen)
Art Class (learn new techniques from watching others).
Playground time (various age kids)Just examples of things that aren't 1:1 play dates that are beneficial.
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@T.H.O.U.: I plan on doing some classes, just to introduce her to different things, but I hadn't thought about them being good for things like peer pressure. You forget that's not always a bad thing.
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Even if you plan on homeschooling, one of DH's army buddies is a chaplain and he "runs" a homeschool class of some kind?...i don't know what the term is for it. ....anyways, not sure if there's some kind of homeschool "preschool" class set up like that, once a week. I think they tend to be affiliated with religious settings? Maybe a co-op is the term I want.
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@Torchwood: I totally didn't realize it before becoming a parent. When your kid is throwing a fit on the ground and their is a child (their peer) looking at them like they are a crazy animal, they tend to shape up. If I asked her to sit nicely for story time or art time or at the table, she would be wiggling all over the place, but I know at school she sits very properly just like all her friends.
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He's friends (and I use the term somewhat loosely, as he's just over 2) with the kids of the moms that I am friends with, who I mainly met thru doing classes or new mom groups.
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We used to go to a playgroup, in all honesty, it was more for me than my son (he was around 18-22 months old at the time).
We also did swimming lessons at local pools. A friend of mine was going to do a toddler dance class, I thought that was a fun idea, there was also an art class at the same facility (a local park).
Now, there's a children's museum where we live, and they have story times, after hours parties, drop in play times. There's also a sports plex, they have classes and drop in play times, which we do and are fun.
Some other ideas: nature centers, Home Depot does a kids craft the first Saturday of every month, bowling. It's like a whole new world I didn't know existed until I started looking around, you know?
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@blackbird: There are usually homeschool groups and things that kids can go to sometimes, though I haven't looked into it too much. If we're still living here though, it'll probably be hard to find one that's not super religious. TN is SO conservative and religious! I'll try to find something like that eventually.
@hilsy85: Makes sense. I need to look into some new mom groups; I only have one friend around here with a kid.
@looch: Sounds like there are more fun options than I realized! I'll have to do some looking around!
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@Torchwood: Oh yeah, I got the impression this was a super religious thing.....hope you find a place that you like, though
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@blackbird: Since some parents homeschool for more hippie reasons, hoping to find maybe a more crunchy homeschool group or something. Worst case surely I can find one that's at least not fundamentalists.
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Her main friend is the little girl I looked after last year; she loves her to bits. Otherwise, I take her to a drop-in play school a few times a week and she plays with and around other kids there, does crafts and takes part in the circle time. I also have memberships to museums and she sees lots of different kids there. We don't actually do any classes yet because she gets so much great exposure to other kids and teachers at playschool.
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We do lots of classes and we've made friends through those. It generally starts with what other mom I click with, so one of us initiates an outing, then if everyone has fun it progresses to playdates. The classes are great for general socialization and following the rules/lead of someone other than mom/dad.
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We did classes when LO1 was a baby and have also done playgroups and sing a longs at the library. The library can be a great resource. In nice weather if you go to the playground around the same time you will often see the same people. One mom I met there met a bunch of other moms through a meetup.com group. More recently we joined MOPS (which is very slightly religious so not sure if it's your thing) and it's great because they have childcare while the moms meet. There are also indoor play spaces for a change of pace when they are totally mobile.
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I'm a SAHM to a 17 month old and whilst she's not really old enough to make proper "friendships" I make sure we have a bunch of classes and playdates each week so she can socialise. I plan to SAH with her until she starts school at 4/5, but from the age of 2 I'm thinking about putting her in a nursery/daycare just for a couple of mornings per week so she gets used to being away from me and can socialise by herself. Could you do something like that if you're worried about it?
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This is an old thread but I'd like to hear what people think now
We are new to our town and LO is also at the age where she is really just starting to want friends. (She'll be 2 in a couple weeks.) She is still at the parallel play stage for the most part but she does remember other kids and want to be with them.
So far, she is not in any kind of program away from me other than the gym daycare that we just started. We go to a ton of activities and playgroups but the thing that is starting to become clear to me is that is hard for her to make a true friend if she doesn't see the same kid consistently. So even though we go to story time or the park at the same time every week, not everyone else does.
For that reason, I am getting ready to sign her up for gymnastics. And if that doesn't cut it, we will consider a "Mommy's Day Out"/play based preschool a bit sooner than we originally planned.
ETA: I know it will also take time for me to make "mom friends" here and eventually it will be more organic to have regular playdates. But the moms you click with may not have kids that click with your kid (or are even the same age) and vice versa. For example, two of the moms I've really enjoyed spending time with have a 8 month old and a 15 month old, so that's not really fun for LO. So I've realized that is not always the best set-up for her.
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T is in daycare 1 day a week- but no 'friends' there yet. I met another mom at library story hour. Another friend was an acquaintance from town but we started hanging out more since our kids are 3 mo apart. I met one friend through a photographer group and another thru Portland Bloggers. I joined MOPS but joined because I have existing friends there- but no new friends yet. We go to swim class but it's only been for 6 weeks- but I don't think there is anyone I especially connect with. So lots of new people and lots of friends who already had children.
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We go to classes 4 days a week, and her playdates and friends are with mom friends/kids I have made in the classes. She's 2.
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We ended up starting preschool at 3. Before that we attempted swim (nope!), did gymnastics, dance, and mygym. Lo enjoyed being around other kids but didn't make "friends." I think for that age it was ok but she is starting to get to know other kids now.
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We moved when Dd1 was about that age (she was 22 months), and joining our local MOMS club chapter. It has been amazing. We've made tons of friends through it, and the events have introduced us to lots of kid-friendly venues and events around town I wouldn't have known about otherwise. I'm in a playgroup for each girl's age group, and we have a couple of activities a week outside of that. It's been more than enough for socialization. She has lots of friends through it, and I've made friends too.
Other than that, I'm planning to add an extracurricular after 3/potty training. We also started a loose home preschool this year, but it's more like (the poor man's) theme weeks Mrs Train has written about. I do a theme a week with activities for my older kiddo while the younger one naps.
Our schedule usually has one day with a home play date, two with playgroup excursions, one day with library story time and one day off.
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@2littlepumpkins: This is what we do/are planning to do. DS is 2 and we do classes, playground, etc, and the occasional play date but he doesn't really have actual "friends" yet. I'm not too worried about it, he will start preschool next fall when he's 3.
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When lo1 was a baby we did mommy and me type classes and made some friends through that. Then we joined a local group of moms with young kids and signed up for a play group. I met a couple friends through the group and more friends through those friends and other group activities. I also joined mops last year to get a little break and have the kids socialize and met some more good friends through that. Just check around Facebook, meetup, etc. There are lots of groups with moms in the same situation looking for friends!
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@youboots: I feel like for infants, mom friends are just or you, and the stimulation of group settings is enough! But at 2, LO definitely wants her own friends... and sometimes the moms I hit it off with don't have LOs her age or that play well with her.
@Rockies11: What classes do you do?
@2littlepumpkins: @NurseDMB: That was exactly our plan as well but I have seen LO really latch onto kids that she sees more than once. I think she wants friends!
@skipra: We do a lot of playgroups! It's great but not everyone goes the same playdates so there's not that consistency for LO. I'm sure we'll eventually meet friends that are good match for both me & LO! But building friendships just takes time. I feel like the structure and consistency of a class might fill that need which is why we're going to do gymnastics. I'd put it off until after potty training.
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@NurseDMB: I haven't even done play dates to be honest! I don't remember doing them as a kid either. It seems so organized. I remember just doing a lot of impromptu I guess what would be called play dates now. We just started preschool a few weeks ago but it seems to be going well.
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@daniellemybelle: I kind of noticed if we were at a particular park at a certain time lo played with certain kids but I don't even remember their names. Maybe you will end up getting to know those kids. Your dd sounds like a social butterfly!
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@daniellemybelle: Sounds like she's outgoing! I think some kids definitely benefit from early preschool/mothers day out programs. DS is more introverted/shy like me as a kid, so I feel better waiting until he turns 3 for pre-k.
@2littlepumpkins: yeah, we don't do much play dates, either. Maybe once a month if that, and it's only with friend's kids or family. So definitely not a regular thing. I never joined a mom group or anything like that, so DS isn't around the same kids on a regular basis. I never had play dates as a kid, just saw my cousins every so often, then started preschool at 4.
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@daniellemybelle: we do drop in music on Mondays, a parenting class/playgroup on Tuesdays, an arts based playgroup on Wednesdays, another music class that I haaaaate on Thursdays, playdates on Fridays. Saturdays we grocery shop or go to the playground, and Sundays we take my husband to church and walk around and play in an indoor playground in a mall nearby because church doesn't have a nursery or cry room and my husband sings in the choir and I can't manage to keep both kids quiet in a very quiet church by myself! Then most days we eat lunch at home, nap, and then in the afternoon we either run an errand or play, depending on the kids' moods. I would say my LO has one friend she actually wants to see, and the other kids she pretty ignores/parallel plays with. The main reason why we do so much stuff is because things fall apart very quickly if we stay home in the mornings.
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My DS is 21 months and at the park he will latch on to any kid he sees, regardless of age! There are a lot of other languages spoken round here though so that can make it hard for them to even say hello to each other. We go to regular playgroups and we do see a lot of the same people there, and there is a certain boy who I often see him playing with who is a little older but similarly boisterous - so they have a lot of fun together building towers out of soft play blocks and then running in to them
We also go on playdates with a little girl whose mum I get on well with, but she and DS don't really interact that much so I feel like it's kinda more for my benefit!
DH and I have some friends that he grew up with and they have a DD who is 5 months younger than our LO, but they play together really well and I can see them having a friendship in the future - sadly they live about 1.5 hours away though.
I'm not too worried at this age as I know he'll start preschool at 3 - at this point as long as he is getting regular social interaction with other kids then I'm happy! -
I just moved at the end of July from the place where I grew up, so LO and I had lots of friends and a busy schedule. It was hard to leave all of that but I was determined to get connected in to some community as soon as possible to make the move easier for both of us. I put Sadie in ballet, joined a MOPS group (which is obviously religious, but there are lots of mom groups out there that aren't--check out meetup.com), and just generally made a point to get out and do things.
If you look for them, you can find all kinds of community activities where LO's can get some socialization/play. Your local parks and rec department should have some cheap classes or an open gym for toddlers once a week. There are also library story times, and even Chick-Fil-A has a bi-monthly toddler activity morning.
I've also made an effort to make friends who have kids my LO's age. This is so hard, even for us extroverts. I actually met a good friend on a Facebook yardsale site! haha I asked a question about local churches, she responded. We chatted a bit, that turned into a play date, and eventually a really good friendship. Our LO's are best buds. So you never know! Put yourself out there and it will happen.
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@Bubbles: Sounds like it is working great for you!
@Rockies11: LOL to the music class! That's not too different than our schedule. We go to the baby/toddler day at the children's museum on Monday, usually the playground on Tuesday, playgroups on Wednesday & Thursday, and usually story time on Friday. In the afternoon if we don't run errands we will do an "learning activity" at home (more like Pinterest fails a lot of the time but LO likes them). There's just not a ton of consistency with the kids we see at this stuff so LO is not making real friends there. We are starting gymnastics though so hopefully that will help.
@photojane: Wow, that's so funny that we did the same thing around the same time! I have really thrown LO & I into activities here as well though we didn't sign up for formal classes like gymnastics or the gym (with daycare) until just recently because I knew we were going to potty train and stay home for a while. But we are at story time, playgrounds, the children's museum, etc. all the time. (Oh, and of course CFA
)I'm in a great, really active SAHM group I found on Facebook and we do activities with them 1-2x per week. I like a lot of the moms and some of the families are coming to LO's birthday party. But, I don't have like a Mom BFF yet. The group is large so different moms/kids come to different meet-ups so there's not that consistency for LO to make a real friend. One playgroup we go to is pretty consistent and smaller and LO does have a couple budding friendship there.
One thing that makes it hard, too, is that is still really freaking hot here. It is JUST cooling off to where it is enjoyable to go for a walk around the neighborhood in the evening. I'm hoping that we'll meet more neighbors as it gets cooler. Our last neighborhood was more friendly!
Again, like you, I had friends from growing up in our last city plus friends we just made organically from work, church, our neighborhood, etc. I never really had to try like we are now, starting from scratch! Plus, I didn't SAH so LO had socialization at part-time daycare and she was littler so it was less important anyway. We just hung out with friends we liked, kids or not.
I guess I need to post on our local yard sale page?
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@2littlepumpkins: @NurseDMB: I don't know that LO is extra outgoing but in some ways she seems a little further along than other LOs her age. Like she will go up to kids and say, "I {LO's name}," and try to engage with them. She doesn't want to share so it ends up parallel play - she usually wants to talk to them! I haven't noticed a lot of other 2 year olds doing that though I'm sure it's not that unusual. Today she had an adorable conversation with a girl that was like 6 year old in the sandbox and that worked because the girl didn't mind LO hogging everything.
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