I was asked last week to be the matron of honor in a family member's wedding in June. I'm happy to do it, but this effectively means putting a hold on TTC in september. 
(According to my calculations, if it worked I would be due on the wedding weekend.)
Should I skip TTC in August and October as well? 3 months seems like an eternity to wait, but I don't want to steal any focus at their wedding, either. Thoughts?
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I wouldn't plan your life around their wedding, because TTC isn't something you can really plan. You never know what will happen, so just go for it! If their good friends they'll understand and be happy for you if you do get pregnant.
coconut / 8854 posts
My MOH was 8 1/2 months pregnant at my wedding, and she didn't "steal the focus" I thought she looked beautiful also!
clementine / 958 posts
I personally don't think you should put your own life on hold for someone else's wedding, but that's just my opinion. I could see doing it, maybe, for a sibling or if you're super close to the bride and the wedding is a huge deal to you. I also don't believe that people living their lives takes away attention from the bride and groom, but I know a lot of people disagree with me on that.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I agree with the others - don't put your life on hold! If you do end up getting pregnant in September, I would tell your friend that while you could still do many of the wedding activities leading up to the wedding, you may not actually be available on the wedding date due to a newborn. She should be understanding.
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
You don't know how long it will take to conceive, so def don't try planning around events! Hopefully she'll understand if the timing does work out to be inconvenient.
pomegranate / 3983 posts
I don't think you have to worry about stealing the thunder, but I would rather be 8 months pregnant anyway. I was a lot more disheveled with a newborn than at any point during my pregnancy.
apple seed / 3 posts
ETA: It's my brother's wedding, if that changes anything. I definitely can't miss it! I figure even if I'm hugely pregnant I can muster the energy to help out as much as possible, but I'd hate to go into very early (or very late) labor and steal the show in that regard. I don't think they'll mind too much if I'm "just" pregnant.
pineapple / 12793 posts
When we were TTC we skipped the month that would have put my due date on my BFFs wedding and the month after as I'd be to PG to travel. As it is I'll be 8 mos. along but I'm glad I won't have a baby with me.
Other than those two months, I wouldn't put TTC off, there will always be something. Good luck!
clementine / 958 posts
@abaloney: in that case, I would hold off. I would MUCH rather be very pregnant at a wedding than have a tiny newborn.
coconut / 8498 posts
I agree with others - you can't actually plan your life, so don't put it on hold! Before having LO I would have said that it would be easier to have a newborn, but now that I'm on this side of things I would definitely rather be 8 mos preggo. Having a newborn is really hard.
squash / 13199 posts
I wouldnt skip TTC, just go ahead as normal, because you never know how long it will take
pomegranate / 3414 posts
I wouldn't put off TTC, but you might want to discuss your plans with your brother so they aren't shocked if you can't participate as much as they expected.
kiwi / 691 posts
I agree with everyone else. Don't try to plan around it, just TTC and see what happens. I was in the same situation last year, and just told my sister that we were TTC, and if the timing worked out, I'd be in the wedding, if not, then I wouldn't be. She was fine with it, and I'll be 8 months pregnant at her wedding in September.
nectarine / 2152 posts
If it were me, I would just skip September, since I would not miss my brother's wedding for the world but if you do the month before and the month after, you'll probably be able to attend the wedding, should you conceive in either of those months...Good luck!!
honeydew / 7235 posts
i totally agree with some of the other posters - you never know when you'll get pregnant. I thought for sure it would happen fast for us, or at least within a few months and it took around 7 months!
it's nice of you to think of them, but I would go ahead and TTC
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
If it were me, I would skip this month just to be sure since it is your brother's wedding and that would put you due that weekend. But I wouldn't stop any other month if traveling isn't involved.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I would skip Sept too. I wouldn't take the chance of missing my brother's wedding. How far away is the wedding from where you live? I ask because my sister-in-law was expecting in Oct, when we wanted to get married. So we thought Sept, but her doctor wouldn't let her travel after August. Granted it was a 10hour drive, but even so. We had to have our wedding in November so they could be there. Which wasn't what we wanted but in the end it was more important for them to be there.
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
i wouldn't plan your life around the wedding either. TTC might take longer than you think. We had tried for 6 months no luck and if I had waited 3 months because of a wedding, then I would of been angry at myself seeing 9 months went to waste. Maybe it's just me.
We conceived October 13th and had a July baby. Don't know if that helps, but honestly I would start now if i were you.
cantaloupe / 6610 posts
It took us 9 months of super-actively ttc to finally get pg with our sticky healthy baby. You could be successful your first month, or you may be one of us that takes a little longer. Therefore, I agree with the pps, stick to your ttc plan:)
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
That's super thoughtful of you, but I wouldn't put my life on hold for someone else to have their one day. You never know when you'll get pregnant...
cantaloupe / 6610 posts
If I would have postponed ttc in the beginning for someone else, and then it took 9 months, I would have been mad at myself every day for all 9 months!
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
I'd say that since it's your brother's wedding, if you wanted to skip one month, that's fine. I don't know that I would wait any longer. It took us 7 cycles of actively trying to get pregnant. Maybe instead of skipping, just NTNT?
apple seed / 3 posts
@ Smurfette It's only a 3 hour drive for us to the wedding, so travel won't be a huge issue. I would hate for them to change anything for me (that was so nice of you to move your date!) so we'll definitely skip September, at least!
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
I was just thinking about this-- my little sister will probably end up getting married in the next year and a half. i would be devastated to miss her wedding, which will probably be about 2 hours away from us, so I figured I'd skip months that would put me at 9 months pregnant or with a 1 month old. I figure I could go at 8 months but I don't know how I'd handle it with a newborn. However, by that point, if we aren't already pregnant or with a baby, we'd have been trying for a long time so I guess I'm not sure how I'd feel then.
In any case, even if you decided to keep trying, I personally wouldn't tell them. I think if someone told they INTENTIONALLY got pregnant to be due the weekend of my wedding, I might be a little hurt, as ridiculous as that is, but if it just "happened", hey what can you do? Does that make sense?
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@abaloney: Still 3 hours, your doctor might not let you travel. My friend wasn't allowed to travel over an hour after 36 weeks. Well it was more important for them to be there, then the date. Even with having to delay our honeymoon a week. Good Luck TTC, whenever you decide to start.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
Haha I was in this situation this past March! I was debating about when to stop taking the pill and begin NTNT and my friends wedding played a major factor in it since she asked me to be a BM and the timing if I got pregnant right away would mean that I would be due a few weeks before her wedding.
Ultimately though I decided to go ahead with NTNT because I knew the chances were very slim I would get KU right away and I wanted to give my body some time to regulate before TTC. Turned out to be a good decision for me since I discovered I have PCOS and will most likely need fertility treatments.
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
@abaloney: Well... good luck--I hope you get your BFP now! I would skip the one month with the due date at the wedding because I missed a wedding this year because I was 39 weeks and couldn't travel. I wish I could have gone! Having a newborn at a wedding is kind of fun, actually! We took our 7 week old on a 9 hour drive to a wedding and had a blast.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
@abaloney: Depends on your dcotor, I'm due Oct 6th and we hae a wedding that is 3 1/2 hour drive beginning of September and my doc said not a good idea to be that far away (rural area.)
cherry / 108 posts
I would skip all three months if I were you... I understand what a lot of people are saying, that there is always something and you can't plan around other people's events, etc. But in some situations, you might want to! Hopefully your brother only gets married once, and you'll want to be able to enjoy it, right?
One of my relatives missed my wedding, and while I completely understand that the world does not revolve around me, I was offended that his rationale was "there's always going to be family parties and I will be at the next one for sure." It was extra irritating that we had asked him to be *in* the wedding and he told us he wasn't coming literally one week before the wedding... overall, it was hurtful that he just didn't make the effort (and didn't have the sensitivity to at least make it seem like he had made some effort to come).
FYI my brother is also getting married in June 2013, and we're putting off our TTC until at least January 2013 to avoid a conflict with his wedding. It's a little different situation because we have to travel by air to get there, but even if my doctor gave me the go-ahead to travel, I wouldn't want to be more than 6 months pregnant, but that's more of a personal preference.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
I would much rather be pregnant at a wedding than have a baby... babies are soo much more work. You may be tired at the wedding, but that is so much better than having to worry about nursing, changing diapers, sleeping etc especially if you're the MOH.
But like some pp's said you can't plan life around other people's lives... so do what YOU want to do. Who knows, it could take you 3-6 months to conceive anyway. It took us 4 cycles and I feel like that is on the low end.
BUT if it were me, I think I would totally just wait a bit to TTC
apricot / 368 posts
@abaloney: I'm matron of honor in July of next year. I'm hoping to be very pregnant more than having a newborn, but it will be MISERABLE. It's like 115 where she's getting married. Ugh!
coconut / 8279 posts
My doctor told me not to travel after 34 weeks (more than an hour away) and I was unexpectedly on bed rest at 36 weeks
honeydew / 7504 posts
One of my BMs had a 5-week old at my wedding, and it was rough for her. She'd definitely tell you she would have rather have been 8-months pregnant than have a 5-month old! That being said, I'd at least skip September, and if you have to travel more than an hour away for the wedding, I'd skip October, too - my OB says no travel a month before my due date.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
i'd rather be pregnant than have a newborn! this is from experience. i was in two weddings shortly after i had a baby (one i was in 2-months postpartum, and the other was 8-months postpartum).... i live in southern california and both weddings were in northern california so i flew up with the baby... and we had to make sure we had baby-friendly accommodations.
i was also breastfeeding at the time, so imagine how hard it was to either make sure i'm nursing her or pumping around the clock, while trying to fit into the bride's schedule. i was literally pumping in the car from one destination to another just to squeeze in some pumping sessions. there was no convenient place to store the milk either! it was all just sooo much work. i don't know what i was thinking. at the time i had no idea what it'd be like post-partum and i naively thought i could do it all.
clementine / 943 posts
I would skip TTC in the months that would make you too pregnant to travel to the wedding (a lot of docs don't want you going too far from home in the last few weeks, so if September would put you at 36 weeks or so, then skip September). But otherwise, I wouldn't put your life on hold too much.
As far as being "up" for things and being really pregnant, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and I have 4 more weddings to go to this month. I get tired pretty easily, so when I know I have a big social event I just rest up that day. You might not be able to run around the day of the wedding, and you'll probably have to take it easy at the pre-wedding events, but hopefully your SIL will just enjoy having you hang out with her on her wedding day and not expect you to be her errand girl :).
I think pregnant bridesmaids are adorable! My good friend was just a bridesmaid in her friend's wedding and she looked beautiful!
nectarine / 2797 posts
I'd much rather be pregnant...I was invited to a wedding 2 weeks after my due date and there is no way I could have gone. If you don't have to travel and the wedding is baby friendly then maybe...
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