I shouldn't put it in family because I was NOT considered as family, but there was no "in-law" category.

I need some advice. Long story short, I am beyond furious with FIL to a point of no repair. I would gladly cut such people out of my life and not see them anymore, but I don't want to cut the grandfather out of my son's life. However, every time I thought about this person, I am livid to a point I think a million of my brain cells die. I would really like to forgive and forget, but I physically can not.

I need some advice as to what I should do to forget about this and move on.

So there has been a very long history. My FIL has always disrespect me since husband and I started dating over 15 years ago. There are comments here and there over the past 15 years, such as "if this one is not the right one, dump her (referring to me)", "Irene, if it weren't because of my son, you probably won't have the opportunity/chance to travel." (I didn't know I were in the "national no-travel list unless accompanied by a man"). Luckily they live in a different city+country (2 hours flight from us) so I never had to deal with him. So I often am able to let it go, because I know I do not need to actively deal with this person.

Since LO was born, I had no choice but to deal with them a lot more often. There are these Facetime calls every weekend and we see them a few times every year. I can tell that he has been trying to be nice to me. But still, due to the past years of mental torture of being "an inferior woman lucky enough to 'serve' in his glorious family", I blow up every of his little comments by 100 times. I got seriously mad when he says things that other people probably would brush it off quickly. And I had the talent to got mad at him at least once every time we see him.

In short, I feel that in his eyes, I got promoted from a low life to a hired maid who is lucky enough to raise HIS grandson. No not my son. His grandson.

I also want to mention his values are very wrong. There was a time we were at a park sitting on a bench, my son was scared of a big dog that was 20 feet away from us. FIL told him he'd kick the dog if the dog approaches (in which I jumped up and corrected him on the spot). FIL also proclaims their family genes is great, there is no bad apple in his bloodline, so my son will turn out great. Others started naming the "bad apples" in the family just to challenge him, then FIL said, oh that is because of their mother (and her bad genes). All these rubs me the wrong way.

We went to visit them last Thanksgiving. All went well except it was my fault that I did say something along the lines that LO isn't eating much. It probably worries him. One night he was very concerned, all frowned and said to the family (passively complaining to me) how his grandson, now a 2 year old, is so skinny, he lost so much weight compared to when he was a baby, and he wanted for "us" to feed him better. I remained quiet and other family members were saying no he is just fine, how do you force a child to eat...etc. but he won't stop, implying that I am failing to raise his grandson well. I got really upset at one point and told him off and I told him to stop. Yes I did. He won't stop. I got up and said, yes. I am starving your grandson. I stood up and left the room, went back to my room (bathroom) and cried for half an hour. I didn't talk to him again and we left the next day.

And almost half a year later, I can not physically forgive and forget about this. I have no intention to go there again or even see him over Facetime, but I have no choice because my son won't let me go when grandfather calls. I have told husband to take LO there by himself, and he refused. (He is on my side on this, even though I know he wants me to move on too)

I think the reason why I am so mad is because I know there is just no way I can prevent seeing this person for the rest of my life. And when I do see him, he will again say these things that makes me explode. And I am very scared. I would love to have higher EQ and just brush it off like a normal person, but I physically can't.

What do you think? Am I really crazy for being so angry? What would you do?