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Sweetie, you are NOT crap. All three of you are still learning, and it will take time. Please don't beat yourself up. You are a wonderful mother, a wonderful fighter, and it will be okay.

Babies cry! It is not indicitive of your mothering skills. You are still getting to know each other and will improve with your soothing skills as time goes on. No one just jumps in and is a perfect mom from the get go. Nursing is not a solve-all for everyone, I promise! Hang in there, it will get better. It sounds like your DH is a great support system for you. And we are here anytime you need to talk

Yes, normal! All normal feelings. Not that they are TRUE, because they aren't. But I felt that way too. I told my husband I wished F was still inside me because it was easier to take care of him that way. I was resentful that my husband was a better "parent", but really he's not better. He has A) less hormones racing through his body and B) puts less pressure on himself.

Moms are NOT supposed to know how to do everything perfectly, prevent all crying, and know what their new baby needs within seconds. That is a load of baloney and I hate that we're fed that idea in our culture.

It sounds like you're having a hard time with not breastfeeding, but try to give yourself grace with that. Formula feeding has its troubles, but breastfeeding isn't a magic crying cure. And crying is okay. I hated hated hated the sound of F crying. I could not handle it, I'd do anything to get him to stop. It's visceral, you know? Over time I've been able to tell myself that if he's crying, he's just talking to me - like when I'm sad/ticked off and all I want to do is vent to someone about it.

It'll get better. You are not crap. You are the very best mother your little girl has, because you are HER mother. You grew her and cared for her for many months and you'll keep doing that. She loves you. For real.

It is so hard when nothing you do gets them to stop crying. You are not crap. Those first three months are hard!! But things will get better. Hugs!!!!

My son screamed for 12-15 hours ever day for the first 3 months. I sent him to daycare so I wouldn't have to deal with it. At night we let him scream in his crib (he screamed in arms or crib so at least we got some sleep). I had no idea what to do. We were able to breastfed but that only made it worse.

Babies are so hard and we are supposed to have all the answers and we don't. I felt (and often still feel: today my potty trained kid would not pee on the potty agh) that way often.

It won't kill her to cry. It won't kill her to sleep in your arms or your bed or the floor. She will survive and they are resilient. Decide what is most important for you and go from there. We decided my sleep was most important so he co beds with us. But we worked hard on feedings because not having issues with food was important to US. Yes one day we will have to fight the sleep fight and it may be harder but we will go there when the time comes.

First - *hug*. When DD was an infant oftentimes DH could settle her more easily than I. Or at least he took it in stride rather than panicky me. It also takes time to learn your babies cries so don't be too hard on yourself. Your DD is a completely new change to your life and changes take time to adjust. Just hang in there and I'm glad to hear your DH is such a great support system! And you've got all of HB too. =)

I felt like this exactly and I was breast feeding! After a few weeks it was MUCH better, and now I'm grateful to have a partner who can soothe her instead of feeling anxious about it. But it took a little while. It will get better and this is so normal! Bit that is not to say it doesn't suck now.

@Cherrybee: Remember she's not solely your responsibility. It's okay for your DH to wake up in the middle of the night sometimes.

I'm a perfectionist too and, in the beginning, I really struggled with sharing the responsibility, because for some reason I thought since I was the mother I had to do it ALL. But that's not the way parenting needs to work. Be grateful for a partner who wants to co-parent and take advantage of the time that gives you to yourself (as little as it may be at the moment). My DH's involvement has saved my sanity.

Don't carry all the weight on your shoulders!

Fellow perfectionist here!

I felt everything that you feel and for me, it did get better when I was on my own. I am really bad about needing to seem like "I've got this!" so having anyone watching, even my wonderful husband, made me feel like I was under a microscope. And having to admit that I was just dead tired and wanted him to help out made me feel like I was a terrible person. WHY? It is his baby too and he said he actually liked getting to see him at night too. Especially after he went back to work and didn't get all the daytime fun with him.

We do formula now as well, in a Dr. Brown's bottle warmer which takes a little bit to heat up. Now that my little one is a bit older he cracks me up because he alternates between fake crying and laughing while waiting for it. But when he was nearly brand new and only knew "I AM HANGRY, I WILL CRY!!!" I felt like I could not move fast enough and I was failing him and it was horrible. I would be on edge like "should I go ahead and make it just incase so I don't have to face the wrath!?" In the moment it is so hard to remember that they are just communicating the only way they know how and its not a reflection on me personally!

Anyway, sorry that turned into a bit of a ramble but everything you are feeling is 100% normal and it will get better I promise! You are amazing!

@Cherrybee: Hugs to you. You, my dear, are doing an amazing job. New babies are so so hard. Their only way of telling us they need something is by crying, which is gut-wrenching when we don't know how to fix it right away. There were several nights when we got home from the hospital that I broke down sobbing in the middle of the night. I didn't know how to soothe him. I felt like a terrible mother. I was sleep deprived and at my wits end. I felt like DH was a more natural parent than I was and at times, never out loud, I wondered--what have I done? I can't undo this--I wasn't meant to have a child--this was a huge mistake!! I felt this way at times up until about week 4/5. LO is 10 weeks old now. I love him more than I can express. We have figured each other out more, I know how to attend to his needs better, and MOST excitingly--he can SMILE! I cannot tell you how much better everything is when your baby can smile at you, which is their way of telling you "I love you, mom, and you are doing a great job of taking care of me. Thank you."

It does sound like you have a touch of the baby blues--keep being open with your DH about how you're feeling. I promise it will get better. And before you know it, you'll be looking back on those newborn days with a veil of a nostalgia, missing them. I can't believe I do, when living through them was a lot of hell at the time!

Sending some hugs. It is hard in the beginning. Remember this is all new for her too. You are doing a great job and it sounds like you have great support from your DH.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I just wanted to stop in and say it gets SO much better. And quickly, too. They are learning and changing so much that in even a week things will be totally different. You are doing a great job, and your babe is lucky to have a mom who cares so much

As others have said - these feelings are completely normal and totally night your fault. I really relied on DH in the early days. I think my postpartum anxiety made it very difficult for me to take care of the baby. I had no confidence and felt so out of control. DH didn't have all those crazy hormones and was able to just step in and get things done. It was hard at the time, but after a little while I was so much more on top of things, and DH was still a confident father. It's great to have a husband who knows how to take care of his baby!

The most important thing: It gets SO SO SO much better. I thought I had made a huge mistake and would never be happy again. Now I love my life. *Hugs!*