Hellobee Boards

My husband was one of three and I was one of six. There are definitely mitigating factors, but I'll say that my husband's experience with three kids was exactly that, two gaining up on one and a constant sense of betrayal when the one on your side switched.

Having more than three makes it strangely less likely that you'll have a civil war on your hands, perhaps because if you recruit one sibling, your rival will recruit the other and you'll be even, so any conflicts tend to be one on one and worked out easier without any lasting betrayal or grudges.

Also, I didn't expect a lot of personal attention because I knew that with so many kids, any parental time was really valuable and not to be expected. I cherished the school drive with my dad even though it was only 10 minutes. I looked forward and planned my questions for that short time and still cherish those memories.

I'm sure there is more, but I'll make this last observation, I bonded really well with the siblings that had more similar personalities. Siblings 3 and 6 actually. It makes me wonder if we'd stopped at 3, how 2 would have fared with such a different personality from his only siblings.

I think this is more likely to happen when the siblings are all the same sex and close in age.

DH is the oldest of 3. But he is the only boy, and is closest in age to his 1st sister (they're 19 months apart). His 2nd sister is 7 years younger than him, and 5 years younger than his 1st sister, so he and his 1st sister usually played well together, and both played doting older siblings to their baby sister.

Now that they're adults, his two sisters are really close (they live together!), and though he is close to them too, it's more in a big brother way than a friendship way. He doesn't really care though, probably because he's the opposite sex.

There will always be mitigating factors, but I am in the camp of "everyone has to have a buddy!"

I'm one of 3 (oldest). The middle is 17 months younger and the youngest is almost 5 years younger than me. Although we felt like he was golden child growing up, my middle sibling and I are very close and the youngest has always been isolated from us. I think too by the time my parents had him they were so over parenting and he got away with a ton!

All my irl mom friends who I look to for advice and as role models almost all have 4 children ironically!

I'm one of 4 but my oldest sister was 8 years older than the rest of us. The 3 younger ones were about 1-2 years age in difference. We definitely ganged up on each other. Some days it was me and my brother and other days it was me and my sister.. and sometimes my sister and brother against me.

I don't know about stress but with my twins, I can't imagine having a 3rd child or 4th child, right now. Maybe the idea of being outnumbered is a big factor for me.

My brother has 3 boys and I'm pretty sure they are done. Even if it someone told them the 4th would be easier and it would guarantee a girl. They are just so exhausted with 3. I'm tired looking at them.

Lol! I think any more than 2 is nutty!

DH was the youngest of 3 and I was the oldest of 3 - we both loved being in 3 kid families and neither of us felt like it was a recipe for ganging up! We have 2 and are considering a 3rd, it we do that will be it. No talks of a 4th here. I am a pretty chill Mom so I don't micromanage or seek perfection as it is

I think a lot of this depends on how you want to provide for your children. We plan to give our children a college education and to travel with them quite a bit. So every extra kid is a financial burden (not to mention the general costs of raising any child!). So if you want to give your kids those things, adding a 4th isn't as easy as just saying "well, it's already chaos anyway!"

I think my youngest brother totally saved our family dynamic. We pared off oldest two and youngest two. Now that we are grown, my sister and I are pretty close, but as children we did not get along well.

I think 3 is a really impossible number. I could do 2 or 4.

@periwinklebee: I've heard that 2-3 is harder than 3-4 because it's the first time you're outnumbered as parents. TBD lol I'll let you know In a few years!

I have definitely heard this and it makes me really nervous to have 3! I would bet a lot has tO do with age gaps and sex. I was one of three girls but we were not close in age so I really don't think that we caused our parents more stress because there were 3 of us. We didn't have a lot of ganging up or drama between the three of us because my oldest sister was out of the house when I was 7 or 8.
DH makes it sound like there wasn't much fighting amongst all 3 siblings either - that it was mostly him and his brother and his sister kind of did her own thing. They are all much closer in age than my sisters and I.
What I do find funny is that there is more sibling drama in both our families as adults. But luckily for our parents they don't have to deal with it as much!

Personally, I've noticed among my friends, those who came from families of 2 or 4+ definitely have better relationships with their siblings than those from families of 3.

I don't have a parent's perspective of it being easier but one thing a friend's mom (who has 5 now grown kids) told me has stuck with me. She said that having lots of kids helped her let go of expectations and really let each kid be their own individual. She said that if she'd had just 1 or 2 she would have felt like they needed to do academics and arts and sports and she'd have to give them all opportunities in every category. With lots of kids she's accepted that they're all different and have different passions and interests, and this allowed her to really focus on fostering what each kid likes rather than having 1 kid that she wants to be good at everything. She still gets the joy of watching a child succeed in each category but without extra pressure on herself or the children.

I am the eldest of 4. GBGB. Age gap: 3, 3, 3, 2 yrs. I was completely ostracized from the younger 3. The middle 2, and especially #3 caused my parents the most grief. We have family friends who had 4 boys and #3 caused them a lot of grief.

I have 2 boys just shy of 3 years apart and a 3rd on the way who will be 2.5 yrs from my second. I have been really intentional about fostering a really loving bond between my older 2, and hope to have my 3rd seamlessly add to that mix. I hope and pray that being very intentional will create a great bond between my boys and that they will all feel loved, accepted and be incredible young men. I’d love to have a 4th, but I’ll be 40 when this one is born, so I’m not sure that will be wise. I adore my boys and I hope for the best!

Btw, my mom says if she had it to do again she would have had 2.