My MIL is the queen of buying crap. At first it feels generous but then you realize it's all about her- each "gift" relates back to a story about her. She doesn't ask what we need just buys stuff, which would be fine except she now sends stuff monthly. I feel horrible, but we have gotten to the point of throwing out most of the stuff she buys. We also have to make a big deal about when we get the package, send a thank you card etc. I realize I sound totally ungrateful. But with our LO being 4 months old I feel like I can barely keep up! Is there a nice way to say, thanks for being so generous but please stop? My husband was wondering if he can say something about our lack of storage? Or do we just suck it up and keep our mouths shut?
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I don't think it is ungrateful to not want unwanted crap (I just got some this week from my own MIL)! I would definitely have your husband say something like "Thank you, we really appreciate the generosity but right now we have everything we need. We will let you know if we need anything in the future." And add a line about not having storage. If she keeps sending stuff after that, don't have any guilt about giving it away to someone who does need it.
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@brady80: I don't know if there's ever a nice way to say stop giving us stuff, unfortunately. I would donate the unwanted items instead of throwing them out, though.
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Maybe recommend that she put all that money towards something like a college fund or a plane ticket to come visit?
Definitely give some practical reasons for not needing all the stuff like storage and reassure her that you want her to be a part of LO's life. It kind of sounds like she's insecure and wants to make sure that she is involved/receives attention.
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@mediagirl: I would love to donate the items but I'm not sure anyone would take them!
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@stine_ciro: that's a great idea. And you hit the nail on the head about her being insecure
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My mom was buying a bunch of stuff (clothes) off our registry before our shower. I finally had to tell her (when she asked what we needed/wanted) that I greatly appreciate all that she was doing and the best gift she could give us is was to help us get the stuff we didn't get & need off our registry. It worked for the most part. Now she is crafting a bunch of stuff for us. Burp rags, receiving blankets, car seat covers, etc. I was not thrilled with her fabric choices but she is so excited to be helping us that I couldn't be her kill joy. So now we are fabric shopping together & I send her specific patterns to have made. "Omg mom I LOvE this idea, can you make this for us" then she feels a part of & knows she is doing something her family will enjoy.
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I am curious what the "crap" is...
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You could, in addition to the storage thing, tell her that things like diapers (if you use disposables) and wipes would be a better thing to send, because they can actually be used...and list other things that you really do want to have for your baby. Maybe that will help curb the randomness of the gifts.
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Ditto to what @mediagirl said. Free cycle or Craigslist it if you don't want to drive and drop it off.
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You're making me curious what this stuff is that no one else would want it either!
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My MIL was/is the same way. We did talk to her and told her that if she really had to buy something then buy art supplies - we go thru tons of art stuff!
Did she listen? no!
We just put the stuff in the donation pile.
Good luck!
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I think PPs have some good ideas - I think your DH should call and tell her that while you guys appreciate that she wants to send stuff for your little one, you really don't have the space for all of it. And I think reverting her attention towards a college fund or things you can actually use, like diapers, is a great idea.
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My mom buys a lot of gifts for my kids. We keep the useful stuff (clothes, socks, pjs, plates/cups, etc...) and everything else goes into a big bag for my local kids consignment shop. Anything the store can't sell, they donate to foster kids. The good thing for us is that the consignment shop gives us store credit which I can then use to buy things we need (like winter boots, hats, etc...).
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A few of the things that I threw away were a sequined pink shoe pin cushion (that was a gift for me and I don't sew), a used frame that was cracked, dented and had s small nail poking out two onesies that I didn't want to donate because I'm pretty sure they could injure a child- one had strands of pearls and ribbon glued to it and the other had feathers- think 1988.
I did keep a sweater that she bought for out LO that is so ugly it's cute but after she wore it she got a little rash on her chin and I realized it was super scratchy. I did take a picture of her in it to send to my MIL but my husband thinks that will encourage more gifts!
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