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My hubs is the slim one in our relationship. He was a college athlete and has maintained his slender figure, and would actually like to gain another 10 pounds or so. I, on the other hand, would love to lose about 20 for now, and then another 30 or so later.

My advice to you is to encourage with inclusion. Try asking him to join you on walks, if you do most of the cooking make sure it's really healthy, stuff like that. If you nag, and I am NOT saying that you are, it will discourage him.

My husband has always been a "big guy", but we have both gained a bit of weight since we've been together. I appreciate that we often make joint efforts together - but when one of us gets on a health kick and the other doesn't it's hoplessly maddening. I do think the best answer is teamwork.

Similarly, the therapist in me can't help but highlight the emotional component. Over-eating is disordered eating. It can have severe health effects - just as clinical as anorexia or bulimia. It's worth digging deeper into the issue!

My husband is overweight by about 20-30 lbs (I still need to lose 10-15 lbs myself). He doesn't exercise and hasn't seen any reason to change his diet (ice cream every night, fast food for lunch several times a week, drinks diet coke like it is water) though he complains about how he feels. When he does complain, the only thing I acknowledge or say is that he is the only one that can make a change for himself and do something about it. I am about to start jogging again in the mornings. He jogged with me before he tore his ACL 2+ years ago but has been unwilling to get back to it without me. Now that I am no longer pregnant or breastfeeding, I'm about to start back up but he won't be able to join me because someone has to stay in the house for the baby. I'm hoping that leading by example will encourage him to maybe do his jog in the evenings. Also, I'm going to try to start cooking again to help make healthier meal choices at least for one of his meals and once I take back over the grocery shopping duties the diet coke and ice cream will no longer be coming into the house unless he makes the effort for himself. I wish I had advice to help you but I don't.

My hubby is a good 70 lbs heavier than when we started dating and nearly a 100 lbs overweight. What was once a little chub has turned into a real problem, with his doctors really getting on him lately about his weight. I've done everything over the years to try and help him get fit, we joined a gym, I got personal training sessions both at the gym and at home where it would just be the 3 of us, set up a home gym for him, we've gone away to a boot camp together for 2 weeks, everything to make this as easy as possible. We got a puppy in the spring, and I noticed that he was walking the dog at first, which was good exercise for him, but now I mostly walk the dog and he only does on weekends. I'm the one who does all the cooking and grocery shopping in the family, which allows me to control what exactly he eats when he's at home, but because he works long hours I can't control what he eats when he isn't home, mostly junk and fast food in large portions.

At this point I've told him I was tired of trying so hard, and with a baby on the way I wanted him to take responsibility for his weight. I was raised to eat healthy and be active, which is something I want to pass onto my kids, and I don't want him to feel left out because he can't or won't be involved.

I am interested to see if anyone has been successful though.

this is a tough one. do you think a heart to heart conversation intervention style would help, where you lay out your concerns, especially now that you will have two kids? maybe even get family involved? it sounds like he's trying to avoid the issue, and maybe he needs to be forced to face how serious it really is?

i'm really sorry... i can't imagine how tough this must be!

@blushink: my husband is overweight, as well. He has gained about 100lbs since we first met. He was too skinny when we first met but he's about 60-80lbs overweight at this point. He doesn't like to work out (I don't either). I try to motivate him to go for walks but how do I do that when I don't want to - then I want him to go for a walk but he doesn't want to. We get into fights because I don't want to tell him I'm upset he's overweight but I get upset about it and then I get bitchy and take other things out on him that I shouldn't, this causes big fights b/c he doesn't' know why I'm really mad.

He says he wants to get healthy for this baby but I don't see it. He has had some medical issues and those aren't helping either. I don't have any words of wisdom, I can just say I'm in the same boat and I don't know what to do either.

@tequiero21: Yeah and bringing it up can just start a fight. Oh, the fights.

My husband isn't terribly overweight, but he has gained probably around 30-40 lbs since we've been together and he is only 5'8. He isn't happy with his weight and none of his old clothes fit anymore. But he refuses to exercise and his weight gain is largely due to a pretty heavy drinking problem...so it is pretty complicated on our end. Moreso than just having to clean up a diet or exercise.

Have you tried asking him to start seeing a therapist who could possibly help him understand why he eats so much and why he is not motivated to change despite what his doctor has told him and the fact that you really need him to change for the benefit of your growing family?

I think he needs an outsider to help him. It will also help YOU because you won't feel like you have to be the enemy.

@blushink: So sorry you're going through this. My DH is a bean pole, but he definitely has his own vices that affect his health. I can get through to him only so far by talking to him, then there is a block. It is a struggle for sure, but even if he can take a tiny baby step in the right direction, it's still an improvement. Hopefully you and the mister and work this out.