Do you agree with the thought that it takes a village to raise a child?
If so, who is in your village?
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Nope. It might help but it's not required.
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I agree, that in my case, it helps me to do things I would not be able to do. My parents, brother, sister in law, aunt, my son's godfather, my inlaws, my husband's siblings, our care providers, doctors, etc are all in my village. I also have a "mom" village that helps me get through some of those "WTF" moments. They don't help me directly care for my son, they help me understand and care for myself!
I have done both (I was almost completely alone for the first two years of my son's life) and I prefer the village approach.
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@Arden: I agree with you!
No, I do not agree that it takes a village. I believe that parents affect children the most.
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I agree. Different people bring so much to my LOs. My village is family and friends, and soon teachers!
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@looch: I feel the same way. Could I survive w/ just my little family? Yes, of course. But I definitely prefer the "village" approach. When I look back on my own childhood, I have such fond memories of extended family and even family friends we were close to. I think those kind of relationships are usually positive for children.
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I think community is extremely valuable in raising children, for a variety of reasons. I'm glad to have family and friends so close by.
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I'm sure DH and I could get by on our own but it is soooooo amazing having help. My mom was over last night to drop off supper and give LO her bath.... My sister picked LO up today for the afternoon so I can get my errands done. We are lucky to have such supportive families and DD LOVES spending time with them
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While parents affect children the most I do think the village approach is best. It keeps us from getting too isolated and brings up things we may not have thought of. I don't know of anyone who doesn't have ANYONE in their village.
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Nope, would be nice to have a family village but it isn't necessary. All of my inlaws are nearby but I can't really count (and I don't really ask that often) on them for help.
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I don't know if I would go as far as to say it's required, but I think it's definitely a benefit.
I'd say our "village" will be our family, friends and church community.
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I absolutely agree with the concept, but it's interesting to think about how the village presents itself in my life.
In the most basic way, we have set up our life and parenting decisions in such a way that a village is required. I think this is true for anyone who sees a pediatrician and/or has childcare.
But that's not really what I was getting at while I was thinking about the concept of the village in my child's life.
On a less basic level, my village is made up of friends who I respect and trust completely. Some are good friends who I have known for a long time and only see a couple times a year and other are my "mom" friends that I met when DD was born. In both groups, I don't necessary agree with every decision made or parent in the exactly the same way as these other parents, moms and dads, but I have come to rely on/relish in the village approach that exists when we are together... we don't hesitate to discipline, guide, feed, or nurture each other's children. We trade babysitting to support each other's marriages and share nights out to nurture ourselves. I could certainly survive as a parent without this village, but I don't want to.
ETA: If we had family close by, they would most certainly be a huge part of our daily village. But as anyone far from "home" knows, you choose the friends who make your family wherever you are.
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@septca: I think thy kind of village is wonderful and wish we had thy dynamic! Working on it though as we are finally signed up for toddler activities and not planning on leaving town anyone soon. It's also hard because our family doesn't follow the "normal" m-f working parents thing like most people we know. So I guess everyone has a different village to suit the needs of the family.
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Yes because my family doesn't live close to me, but my close friends and their families do. They've taken me and DH into their family as one of their own. They invite us over and feed us all the time. When we're over there, the parents love and watch over DS so we can eat and enjoy ourselves.
When we were down to no employees at our shop for a month, and I had to go to work. My friends had zero problems with me dropping DS off in the wee hours of the morning (on the weekend, every weekend, none the less) and watch him and love on him like awesome aunts and uncles.
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Yes, I think it takes a village to raise a child. I don’t think it takes a village to physically raise a child from infanthood to adulthood, but a village (in my mind) includes your friends, family, school system, daycare, after school programs, clubs and organizations – all which give your child experiences, options and different viewpoints. I think a person raised without any of these things would most likely be an awfully uninteresting (and probably uninterested) person.
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@yoursilverlining: Well said!
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Yes I do think it's takes a village. If my child were only exposed to my husband and me she would not be nearly the person she will be from having been exposed to her teachers, family, friends, etc. And I want the best for my LO. Now, I don't believe it takes a village for the day to day stuff. We get by fine with no family near by and we have friends who can jump in when we really need it. But I think from an exposure stand point there needs to be more than just the parents.
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@MamaMoose: ditto!!
R wouldn't be who she is with family, friends, and her teachers. Yeah DH and I could do it ourselves, but we need a break too. So in order to be our best at parenting, we do need help every once in awhile.
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Yes, I think it takes a village and when I think of a village, I think of schools, teachers, organizations like libraries, community centers etc.
There was some really interesting research done by the Search Institute that came up with a list of 40 developmental assests that children have when they are successful and many of those involve the community (it doesn't say they have to have all 40 but the more they have the better). http://www.search-institute.org/content/40-developmental-assets-adolescents-ages-12-18
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@Greentea: I believe parents affect children the most, too---but it isn't always positive. There are a lot of toxic parents out there.
I'm a teacher and I sometimes see the cause-effect of certain parenting choices and I'm grateful that we have the social net of schools to still turn a kid around. Of course, many times we aren't able to reach a kid, but I still hope someone else out there (a neighbor, friend, churchmember, other family member) will.
Anyway, to the original post: I guess my village is both the village I've chosen (my friends and LOs caregivers) and well as the ones that aren't chosen (our families, future schools).
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It does take a village! In my village are our family, specifically my immediate family members, my co-workers, child care providers, other parent friends.
We are specifically going to raise LO with a set of aunties/uncles of our choosing who will also be there for her, act as role models, offer support. It's important to have a supportive community and I've learned from the work that I do about protective factors that increase the likelihood that your child will grow up to be a healthy, happy individual--research backs up the "it takes a village" approach.
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I think so. I don't think I'd be handling the transition to parenthood as well if I didn't have my village to support me and serve as a sounding board.
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Yes, I think my parents, family, friends, and her daycare help me raise her to be who she is and help tap into her endless potential!
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I definitely believe that it takes a "village". We literally couldn't do it without support and knowledge from friends, family, pediatricians, child care, school, neighbors, Hellobee, etc.
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I think it does take a village. I think mama llama said in one if her posts, it takes a village to raise a child, I just pay some of my village. This is how I am. I absolutely couldn't get by without my daycare lady, heck we text on the weekends as well. I'd love to have family closer but I still lean on them a lot verbally
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This reminds me of the Louie episode 'Pregnant'. He doesn't know his neighbors then gets in a situation where he needs to trust them with his daughters. I thought it was a great example of why its still good to know your village even when you're trying to do it on your own.
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@MamaMoose: exactly. my LO is who she is because of not only her parents, but because of her day care teachers, friends, and family members. while they may not all see her on a day to day basis and help with the daily duties that goes with raising a child, they do shape her personality and development.
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Yep I think it does to raise a well-rounded child, but like others, I think "village" isn't the narrow definition of only family/friends but extends to everyone that interacts with you kid. It's your job to help your child navigate the "village" in which your child lives. You can't raise a child in a vacuum!
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I think that E's village have a very positive impact on her and I don't know how I would cope without them! E's village are mummy and daddy, nanny and grandad, nanna, and the day are staff (especially her key worker Sam).
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28 comments