I love this writer's take on his wife being a stay at home mom : http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
I love this writer's take on his wife being a stay at home mom : http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
coconut / 8305 posts
I saw this yesterday! it!
I think I've liked everything I've read from him!!!!
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
@runsyellowlites: @Kimberlybee: @jmarionsmith: @jhd: @BabyMats: I feel like every time someone asks me whether I'm going back to work and I say no, that I have to justify it. Reading this made me feel really kind of proud
persimmon / 1343 posts
I just saw this today! Love it, and ESPECIALLY because it was written by a man. I feel like a lot of men don't "get it" either
coconut / 8079 posts
@travelgirl1: I'm planning to sah when our LO arrives and I'm already bracing myself for rude comments! Saved this link to look at later!
pomegranate / 3779 posts
I thought this piece felt a bit like a rant to me. I think sometimes people just don't know what to say, so they default to stuff like - Oh fun! They aren't trying to be rude or condescending (and I don't think I would take it that way if it was said to me, but I am neither a SAHM or a WOHM yet.)
The choice to be a SAHM is a very personal and emotional decision and I personally feel uncomfortable asking people I don't know very well follow up questions like I would about someone's job.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
While I am a SAHM right now and appreciate the bulk of the sentiment, there was an icky undercurrent of anti-WOHM to me.
pomegranate / 3411 posts
love it!
but i read this section and it made me sad that i am going back to work full time next month
"To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period."
i wish I could be a SAHM for a few more years.
nectarine / 2031 posts
@travelgirl1: I would be proud of I were you. I wish I could be a stay at home.where I'm at they make me explain why I can't be a SAHM
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@stine_ciro: I agree
I felt like the examples he used in this piece to "go off on" was a bit of a stretch. I don't think most those people had bad intentions or were trying to be condescending in the way this blogger tried to make it seem, except the "what does she do all day" question... That one was rude.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@californiadreams: that was the section where he lost me. It felt like a guilt-trip to me. I mean, can't we just say "parents" and call out the Dads, too? Of course not, it's the mom's job to feel guilty. Ugh.
pomegranate / 3411 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: ya, i guess it is because i am already sad to be going back to work, i don't want to! this just rubbed it in my face, lol. I keep telling DH almost daily now that I am calling my boss and telling her to post my job for someone else to take. but i get what you are saying.
papaya / 10343 posts
@californiadreams: I think the point is though, you WANT to stay home. So if you were able, that would be your ideal. He makes it sound like it's the ideal regardless, irrefutably, for everyone. And if you do work and you don't HAVE to you're harming your child.
clementine / 984 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: I agree. I liked that he was standing up for the crazy busy and important job his wife does, but it seemed a slant anti-WOHM. And the part @californiadreams: quoted made me angry for SAHDs and the WOHMs who get this flak while WOHDs don't.
Parenting is hard enough, we should build each other up without cutting down the other side.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@Mae: Exactly. I would go back to work for the right opportunity, despite the fact that we're ok without the income. I like to think that in doing so I would not irrevocably damage my child or the very fabric of society, ick.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: @Mae: @indi: that part really bothered me too. He pretty much invalidated WOHM's and made it seem like our choice is going to be the downfall of humanity. Please.
pineapple / 12234 posts
I love that he is sticking up for his wife. I'm not sure my DH would respond to people the same way. Personally, I look at WOHM's and admire them...I feel like they have the best of both worlds. I do think if I was a WOHM, the whole part about choosing to work equals being materialistic, would be harsh to read (even though he included that it doesn't always work financially or for single moms). It seems like those moms are targeted as choosing work over their children which is incorrect for a large majority of WOHM's. You do what you have to for your own family.
Working gives me confidence and I do find it liberating. As a SAHM, I do often feel unimportant and some parts were encouraging to read for me!
pineapple / 12234 posts
@californiadreams: I agree, that part was rough (I'm a SAHM but I dream about working!)
eggplant / 11287 posts
I found it to be very ranty and condescending towards WOHM moms.
He made it seem like children won't be raised properly or turn out okay if they don't have their mothers staying home with them. There is more than one way to parent.
I didn't really like this post.
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
ugh. I hate this debate. I've worn both hats and neither are easy.
I was utterly disgusted at the comments section. Some bad stuff in there. We have to help each other......
eggplant / 11824 posts
"The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?"
Uh, this is ALL moms; all good parents, really. The people who "completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children" are all decent parents.
honeydew / 7295 posts
I agree that if he could have left it at defending that being a SAHM is work too then id be with him but he got ritcheous about it and that makes him a bigger ass than the people who he felt offended by ( who I am sure had not intention f offending him).
pomegranate / 3643 posts
I have the definitive answer to the debate.
I WOH three days a week and SAH four days a week. On days at home, I get this thing called nap time. It's quiet. I can do stuff. I sometimes read a book or watch a tv show. I can meet people for coffee.
On days I work, I can drink my coffee sitting down and talk to adults. I can run to the grocery store by myself before daycare.
On days at home, I am tired. Chasing a baby, doing laundry, running errands. It's hard.
On days at work, I am tired. Meetings all day, driving to daycare, making dinner. It's hard.
Whether or not I work during the day, I'm on at night. I'm on during weekends.
For twenty hours a week, someone else teaches him ABCs and feeds him and changes his diaper. He misses out on mom time. But for twenty hours a week, I earn money to pay for our mortgage and advocate for the kind of world I want him to grow up in. He suffers, he gains.
Some days I really love not having to get up and get dressed. Some days I can't wait to hand him off.
Being a mom is hard. There are perks and challenges to all ways of doing it. Every parent is working 24/7. No one gets a day off. We are all working hard.
Also...why doesn't that guy let his wife to out for a cup of coffee if he is out in the middle of the day???
bananas / 9973 posts
I shared this post on my FB. While I feel like more credit should be given also to WOHMs, I thought my DH needed to read this. I often get the feeling that those closest to me think that this SAHM business is just watching TV all day. I think ALL moms are misunderstood or kind of put down all too often.
bananas / 9227 posts
I have a lot of pent up frustration on this topic. MIL had pulled me aside once and explained how it's possible to work and have kids at the same time. I still haven't decided if I'm more offended that she talked to me like a 15 yr old or the fact that I was actually working part-time when she did it.
SIL often pries into my work situation, giving oh-so helpful solutions to "problems" I've never complained about, that she hasn't a clue about (like my work scheduling) - all of which I never bring up. Not so long ago she flat out asked me what my plan was on what I was going to do, "I mean outside of taking care of my LO".
Yeh. Frustrated doesn't fully explain how I feel.
pomegranate / 3503 posts
I think it's great that he's defending his wife but it'd be nice that he didn't fuel the debate more by bashing those who need/choose to work. Can't we all just support each other as parents regardless of how it's done?
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
@jedeve: in the same boat and agree 100%.
I shared my sentiments on this on a fb group yest:
"I liked the read and I do think that sahms get a bad rep moreso than wohms. And for that reason alone i love articles like this being voiced. But I agree w u in general that articles in general on this topic undermine one or the other group. I think it's really sad but overall still a very divisive topic. I'm both a wohm/wahm so I'm on both sides of the fence and life as either or are equally hard in their own ways but I've yet to articulate it correctly wo being slightly offensive to either side. It's just a two sided issue that's not privvy to being encompassed wholly because it does have two sides. Totes agree w u tho, wish we could all just respect moms as one unit instead of by groups."
squash / 13199 posts
I saw this on facebook and I like it, but the comments underneath it are awful.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Oh this guy. Don't care for the way he communicates his message. We wouldn't be friends IRL anyway, lol.
Who cares really? What we should embrace is the fact that we have the choice to make.
honeydew / 7283 posts
@jedeve: I love your description. This is my life as a part time WOH mom too. I feel like I get the best of both worlds, but also insight into how difficult each role is.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I hate the sentiment that the downfall of society is that women are working. That's so stupid. But I know people believe that. Whatever
@yoursilverlining, Totally agree!
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
I did NOT like this article. I felt it was very anti WOHM. Let's face it, as women we get judged if we are WOHM or SAHM. Who cares what people think? If you want to be a WOHM, do it. If you want to be a SAHM, do it. I also don't like the fact he attacked women who were probably just trying to make chit chat.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: exactly. I'd also like to say, can't we all just be proud of ourselves for doing the best job we can do whether we sah, woh, wah, etc? I dislike this blogger and I really don't like the undertones of his message.
coconut / 8861 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: I agree with everything you've said in relation to this article. It's awfully heavy handed of him to lay on guilt towards working mothers. He's missing the point of socialization in a daycare setting and how it can do wonders for development, etc. Also, I feel enough guilt about being a working mom. I don't need more from a blogger. I'm determined to keep up with my field. We still have a great family and home life even if both of us are working. He forgets about flexible work schedules, etc. have made work/life balance better for most working moms.
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