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@shopaholic: This.
My husband is very supportive, and loves that I am able to stay home with Sadie, but I know that underneath it all he has this idea that I just don't work as hard as he does. That my day is lazy and carefree. It's nice to get some recognition. For a man to stand up for us. I don't know whether or not he was trying to pressure or demean WOHM's, but that's not what I took from it. I'm choosing to look at the positives - he made me smile... I'm doing an important job, and no one should ever make me feel bad about it!
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@jedeve: amazing! I totally agree with you. I work 4 days a week and I'm home 3 days and I feel the exact same. Being a mom is hard no matter the avenue, but it's also amazing.
I feel like I'm seeing these articles more and more lately. I definitely think SAHM should get more credit. I know it's hard!!! I also, think WOHM should get more credit, it's also hard! No matter what you're doing all day as a mom it's exhausting, but we all signed up for it and are doing the absolute best that we can.
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I agree with what he is trying to do but I don't think he should make that point at the expense of putting down WOHM. I think this is a sensitive subject for both SAHM, WAHM and WOHM. And no matter what your choice is you feel judged.
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@littlek: +1
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I agree with people who say there is a hint of anti WOHM in this piece. And I also would say something like "Oh fun!" if a man told me his wife stayed home with the kids. Because regardless of what you do for a living, staying home with your kids (in my opinion) as hard as it is is WAY more fun than going to work and being told what to do everyday by a boss who would replace you in a heartbeat. I would not have meant it as an insult at all, it would truly come from a place where I was thinking that was the ideal situation.
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The article is way too preachy.
In third grade, I started wishing my mom had something else to focus on other than me. She was too overbearing, especially in light of my independent personality. It's still a problem for us now, and I'm in my mid 30s.
I don't know how I am going to balance my career with having an infant, but I think I will have a better relationship with my son in the long run if I have a more balanced life.
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Becoming a mother has been the most wonderful--and the most humbling--experience of my life. For anyone to judge the choices I make with regarding to working/ not working (regardless of whether it is financially necessary), well, to put it bluntly, they can all kiss my ass. I can't believe this article has been well-received and is being shared around the interwebs. It is a tragedy when we let our own insecurities be the filter for our minds . . . this article is a great example of that. The only way to combat the asshattery is to own your choices/decisions and to not apologize or explain them. In so doing, those choices become non-issues not open to discussion (or attack). To the extent that this man wants to support--defend--his wife, he has done the opposite by adding more fuel to the fire. *sigh* Because IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY. IT JUST IS.
ETA: The anti-WOHM sentiment in this piece is anything but subtle.
@jedeve: @yellowbird: Agree.
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I appreciate that he is trying to defend and praise his own wife, but don't feel that it needs to be done at the expense of the working mother. While the intentions may have been pure, this came off as a rant.
As someone who just recently made the reluctant (not about caring for DD, but for taking additional time off from a job I adore) decision to be a SAHM for a while, I really don't think either decision makes for a better childhood. It can be extremely hard to take a break from a beloved career, just as it can be painful to return to work, with a little one at home.
I believe your demographic has a lot to do with the pressure and judgement you may or may not feel. Very few of my friends are stay-at-home parents, so my decision is a little foreign to them. I feel like I have to somehow defend myself each time it's brought up by insisting that this is merely temporary and the main motivation is financial.
As women, we shouldn't have to defend our choice, whatever that may be. There are pros and cons to both scenarios - moments of difficulty and calm in either. Mutual understanding and respect on the pretense that we are *all* moms is what will, in the end, promote equality, not rants that work to further divide us.
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@deerylou: I agree 100%.
I think the debate is ridiculous and harmful. As women we should encourage and uplift one another in our choices. Parenting is amazing, but difficult - it's so much easier and more fun with the love and support of united mamas.
That said, I still appreciate this piece. I feel advocated for when I really needed it.
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Not a fan of this piece at all.
I think he's forgetting that regardless of whether you stay at home, work outside the home, work at home - all moms are moms, and they all have to be a mom. Just because you WOH doesn't mean you have to parent any less. They have to parent *in addition* to working. When they get home from their job, they're not off - they're just starting their next job (mom).
I worked for a bit before becoming a SAHM. Wearing two hats was infinitely harder than wearing just one.
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This statement:
"To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period."
Is FAR FAR FAR more offensive to WOHM than a someone saying that being is a SAHM mom is "fun" and "must be nice". This guy's an asshat.
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I seem to be seeing this guy's blog pop up pretty frequently on Facebook, and now on HB. I'm not a fan. Most of the posts I've read seem to have good intentions but then go sour with something that's actually quite offensive, like the anti-WOHM sections that have been quotes by PPs here. I was kind of on board with one of his other entries, until I got to a long paragraph that began, "I'm no feminist, but..." and I immediately checked out. So, you're not someone who thinks men and women should be treated equally? Gotcha. Later, bud.
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Not a fan.
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@pinkcupcake: Totally agree.
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@pinkcupcake: Agreed!
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Love
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@pinkcupcake: see, I think it's different for everyone. When I worked, I felt like I had a break from being a mom while I was gone. At the same time, I missed my 6 week old SO much and by the time he was 5 months, I had to quit. Not only did I miss him too much but I wasn't paid enough to feel like leaving him was worth it. It was really hard on me because I love working. Now, I feel like I don't contribute enough to my family as a SAHM. As far as judging goes, I feel like it's a lose-lose situation no matter what a mom decides.
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@HLK208: +1. Staying at home is my dream job, so I feel blessed to be able to do it, but I miss the me time that working out of the house provided.
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Love it too. I feel like I have to defend or explain my decision to Sah right now.
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@HLK208: I agree that it's tough , regardless of which decision a mom makes. My problem w/ the article is statements such as these:
"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."
All mothers do this, whether they stay home, work outside the home, work at home, whatever. It's not just SAHMs that do this. I'm bothered by his attitude that it's only SAHMs that perform all the duties he listed.
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@pinkcupcake: I think his tone is that way because of the comments he has gotten. And when you work outside the home you only spend x time during he day performing those listed duties whereas if you stay at home you do them all day long perhaps with a 1-2 hour break during a nap.
I've done both. Had a rigorous career as an attorney. But I've been staying home the last 4 months. I honestly think there are difficulties with both situations but I never imagined staying home would be as busy as it is. But I agree that wearing both hats is overall much harder because of the constant feeling of being rushed and feeling like I was never Doug a good job at home OR At work.
In the end the role of a working mom and stay at home mom are equally important roles and neither role should be minimized.
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@winniebee: totally agree with you. I was an attorney, too - taking a break now to stay home w/ the kiddo - and there are definitely pros and cons w/ each situation. I agree with you 100% that both roles are equally important!
Hope I'm not coming across as saying SAH isn't important - i think it's just as important a role as WOH. I wouldn't have left my job if I didn't think it was important
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@pinkcupcake: are u enjoying your sabbatical? My comments were general ones I didn't think you were minimizing the sah role though
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I am sorry if I offended anyone by posting this article - it certainly wasn't my intention.
I think his comments about what an important job a mom does really should apply to all parents, whether they're a mom, a dad, SAH, WOH, WAH..... it's just nice to be told what a great and important job you're doing sometimes.
And like @winniebee: says, I often feel - rightly or wrongly - like I have to justify my decision to SAH. I'm sure if I did go to work, I'd feel I'd have to justify that too. I agree with @HLK208: - I think moms feel judged no matter which route they choose.
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