I have a crooked, wandering eye.
When I was young, my iris nestled close to my nose, as if it were too shy to come out and play. I was young and oblivious and having always lived somewhat in my own world, I was much more concerned that my belly was still bulging like a toddler’s while my friends had turned into sleek new models of themselves. I didn’t know that my eye was really the center of attention.
I had surgery to straighten my eye in elementary school. Neither my parents nor I understood that it was purely cosmetic. The muscles and neurons had already decided that crooked eye was not a team player and would no longer be included. We also did not know that because of that, crooked eye would come back.
My eye started wandering when I was 19. Whereas before my iris could always be counted to hang out in the same spot, now it just did whatever the hell it wanted to. Drift up, drift down, drift out, but rarely in. My shy eye had become an extrovert.
This post is already too long, so I am going to bypass the drama (“Why me, Lord?!? Oh, what have I done to deserve such a trial?” lol), and skip to me now.
As an adult I am fully aware of the impact an abnormal eye has on how I am perceived. Like bad teeth, a wandering eye implies something unsavory, ungroomed, possibly unstable. I have perfected a slightly uppity, side long gaze that minimizes the googly eye appearance for job interviews and pictures. I try to soften it with a big smile, so that my attempt to mask my eye doesn’t leave me looking like a complete b*tch.
That being said, I rarely think of my eye, or the fact that I look different. Occasionally people (read: children and drunks) will say things, awkward moments ensue. DWI check point snafus are to be expected.
Would I prefer to have a straight, arresting gaze? Of course. Do I think it would change my life significantly? Do I notice it when I look in the mirror? No and no.

And I wonder: is this how it is for everyone who looks different? As we grow into ourselves, do the people with port wine stains or short limbs or unusually large frames or unique skin shades or whatever get so used to themselves that they too forget that we are technically not the ideal?

And if so, what do we want for our children? If it really is no big deal to have a crooked eye, am I ok with my daughter inheriting my flaw?

Any other ‘different’ Bees out there?