Backstory: B had a biting issue, we worked really hard and it went into remission until a few weeks ago. Daycare moved him up to early preschool (ratio 10:1) and he's struggling. He is back to biting. 
So, I'm looking at options since I'm losing my mind. An option is montessori school (ratio 3:1) and more structured day. I feel like this will help him a lot. Montessori is about $60 a week more than current daycare... thoughts?
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I don't have enough experience with biting to know if the ratio will make a difference, but we'd totally put M in Montessori if it were only $60/week more. The Montessori near our house is double what we pay! I wish we could send her there, though...I went to Montessori and loved it.
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@lawbee11: It won't cure biting but there will be less chaos than his current 20+ class size and 2 teachers. The real issue is he needs his words. Yesterday, a child pulled B off a bike, B's response was to bite.
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I say its just a phase!
Isn't Montessori LESS structured? I thought it was more of a "let the kids do what they want when they want" philosophy?
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@Mamaof2: The one I was talking to has set hours for each activity, so less of "let's fight over toy time." Plus, they learn french!
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@littlek: I wouldn't move him solely for the biting issue but if you feel it could benefit him in other ways then by all means move him
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@Mamaof2: I'm just soooo tired of the calls and the shaming. The front desk today said that they think B has a hearing or vision issue and that's why he's biting. Um, no. That kid can spot a plane a mile away and tell me it's color and hears EVERYTHING. Having a child that bites is such a helpless feeling.
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@littlek: That stinks that they are making you feel that way
I had a biter too and the front staff and teachers were amazing!! We were meeting every day for awhile and talking about his day and how the teachers handle stuff and how I handle things. We were a team working on the biting!
So it sounds like there are other issues you aren't happy with so maybe its a good time to change!
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@Mamaof2: I guess what I don't understand is if he is only biting one child and they are constantly battling over toys, why aren't they stopping the biting? They said they are shadowing him but yet they let him get into toy battles.
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@littlek: We use the same "brand" of daycare. I'm assuming he's been moved to Early Preschool 1 (ours is split between 1 and 2). We actually found biting decreased when moving up as the classroom was so much bigger.
I'm sorry your school is making you feel shamed. That's not acceptable in my book. We were bitten more than biting (but we certainly had both). When I asked what needed to be done they told me to allow them to handle it as it was their job to work with the children. They should be shadowing B and trying to minimize those negative interactions, or help him to work through them.
Montessori is praised highly, but is different than the environment you are in now. I wasn't ready to embrace it. I think it's a tough call to make. But I would at least have a conversation with the director about your feelings.
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Honest answer: $60/week isn't that big of a deal to me in the world of childcare costs (that statement alone deserves its own post...), so if you think it's the best option I would totally go for it. BUT, if you are just moving as a way to deal with the biting, I would want to be really sure that it would work, since moving B is going to be a big change for him and could be scary - and he might react by... biting? Can you talk to someone at the new center to ask about their biting approach? It could be that they have an innovative idea or just a different philosophy that would be totally worth the switch...
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@septca: I just don't think they are appropriately shadowing him if they constantly allow him and the same boy to fight over toys constantly. He only bites one child. I wonder if they smaller ratio will give B that attention it appears he needs.
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@septca: the vision and hearing comment they told me today pissed me off.
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@littlek: If they were shadowing him then they would catch him BEFORE he bites - that's how they got my DS to stop. They actually had to bring in an extra teacher to just watch my DS - it was that bad - but by doing this it finally stopped!
I would meet with the teacher and director and ask for a game plan!
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If I felt like it would help my child, an extra $60/week would be a no brainer for me and I definitely have a lot less disposible income than you guys do!
Can your current daycare move him back to the toddler room? How old is your son again? I feel like he isn't that much older than my girl, and he is nowhere near ready to leave the toddler room!! Maybe moving him back to where he feels safe and knows everyone would help. So sorry you are dealing with this issue again.
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@littlek: yeah. I didn't even see that before I responded. That would INFURIATE me.
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How old is he? 10:1 seems like a pretty big ratio and may be making it harder for the teachers to prevent the biting... In general I'm a fan of montessori and I feel like in many cases giving the child more "independence" helps with some behavior issues. At least that's what I've seen with my son.
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@Mamaof2: that's my feelings exactly. When he had this issue before they shadowed him and he stopped biting within a week and used his words. I just feel like things are out of control in this new room.
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@littlek: just saw its 10:1 - wow! In our DCP its not 10:1 until age 4!
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I'm so sorry you guys are going through this! I don't have experience with this personally but have friends who have had biting issues. It was definitely a phase for them and probably is for your son too, but it sounds like the current daycare is not handling the issue well and he may respond well to more individual attention - even if Montessori is a different structure.
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@yoursilverlining: Nope, they said he has to stay where he is. He's 23 months old.
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10:1 seems really high for 2!!
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@Baby Boy Mom: 23 months.
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@littlek: how long have the teachers been in the classroom? And I agree the ratio seems high. We are in a 2.5+ room and I believe they are 8:1
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@littlek: He’s 23 months and already in the preschool room with a 10:1 ratio?!?! Holy shizz man; honestly I’d look for a new daycare, especially if they won’t even talk to you after moving rooms. My LO is also 23 months and won’t leave the toddler room until at least 2.5 years (and longer if she needs). The ratio is 5:1, with 2 teachers per room at all times, and sometimes also a helper/floater. In the preschool room, I think it’s 8:1, if not a little less.
I would definitely look into moving your LO to a place with a 3:1 ratio where he can get more attention.
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@winniebee: Oh it's definitely a stage. It's because he doesn't have his words to express "I'm angry, please don't take my toy."
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@littlek: In that case I would seriously consider switching! My son's 2's preschool is a 6:1 ratio for reference and they seem to have a good handle on them. We've had behavior issues at different times and being able to work closely with the teachers has helped us get through each one. Even though it is all a phase at this age, doesn't mean we shouldn't do everything we can to try and help them move past it. It sounds like you feel the same way, so maybe see this as an opportunity to try another method?
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@littlek: I would definitely not move him if the ONLY reason is biting. I think you should schedule a 1:1 with the director and come up with a plan for how they are going to keep the boys separate since it's obviously an issue with just one child, not a general issue with B. I would also be having a frank discussion on how inappropriate the suggestion of a hearing or vision problem was!!!
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@MamaMoose: The whole thing is crazy. The front desk lady, I'm not sure her title, but she told me she wasn't sure that B was "a fit there." DH got angry and called the director and she said that the lady had spoken out of turn and that there was no plans on B being kicked out. I was soooo angry.
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Are you open to either introducing signs or some oral motor/ speech therapy?
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@looch: he signs. I talked to the teacher and she said B is using his words, the other kid just isn't listening.
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@littlek: then the next question is what they are doing to address the other child's behavior?
I am so upset on your behalf! They should be aware that for better or worse, biting is a typical developmental behavior that peaks between 18-24 months. A daycare who works with kids this age should have a plan on place as it clearly sounds like the shadowing is not being implemented effectively. I am on my phone so I can't link but if you google "csefel" and biting you can find some good resources to share with the staff.
We went through this twice where my LO was the biter, once around 20 months and again recently around 27. The daycare handled it much better the first time so I had to do a lot of advocating and asking "what's the plan?" before we found a solution that worked. For us, it ended up being LO moved to a different subset of her age group and away from another instigator. Biting brings up such intense feelings on both sides and I was surprised how upset I got at times in trying to deal with it. Hugs!
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@littlek: Do you think it's possible that something else is going on with the center? Biting is so common I don't understand why they are treating B - and you - this way. It's totally unacceptable.
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@littlek: my LO is a biter and there's only her and one other LO so I'm not sure ratio would make a difference, but, it sounds like an amazing opportunity for him so I would do it
And sorry to threadjack, but, @Mamaof2: would you mind sharing what the teachers did/tried to tackle your LO's biting? Nothing seems to be working with my 18-month-old and we're getting desperate! -
@littlek: I'm so sorry you're going through this - it sucks they aren't handling it well
No advice but I'm putting LO in a Montessori school in the fall and we've visited several times. Her class will be the 2.5-4 year group and all I can say is how extremely well behaved all the children are. When we walk in it is quiet and the kids are all on task doing some project. Some in groups of 4-5 and other kids in groups of 2 and they are working on making/bulding/drawing/writing...they are so focused and well behaved. I know it's bc the kids are a bit older and I have no idea what a daycare class would look like but I am was just super impressed
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I'm sorry.
I agree it doesn't sound like they are doing what they need to do to stop the biting and really shadow him. Do they have cameras so the directors can monitor the teachers and see what's happening in the classroom.
I would switch just for the Montessori and lower ratio aspect. However you may want to ask about the biting policy there. Some of those places are a bit more strict and a bit more quick to kick a kid out if there is an issue. What would you do then and would his current daycare take him back? Or would they use it as an excuse to not deal with it anymore.
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I would move him. The vision/ hearing comment is rude, but as a parent of a former victim of a habitual biter it is very emotional. 1 to 10 doesn't sound like appropriate supervision for that age. Especially because of the time that teachers are likely away with one child due to diapering and helping with bathroom use.
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@T.H.O.U.: I told them about the biting and they said it wasn't surprising based on how large his class is and only 2 teachers. They seemed very willing to work with him.
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@Sparkler: biting is developmental and highly common at the toddler age. It's emotional on both sides. My son NEvER bites when I'm around and only bites when fighting over toys.
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@sandy: we have a tour on Monday. I'm leaning towards moving him.
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