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@snarkybiochemist: Yes, exactly. It's much easier for men to be rational and removed because it's not their bodies and emotions getting intensified by hormones.
@Banana330: Thanks
I've tried not to think about it, with varied success. I probably shouldn't have taken a HPT this morning because obviously it upset me (which I wasn't expecting either, dratt hormones), but I was also curious what was going on. I hope things are going well!
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@periwinklebee: So much easier, and causes all of the discussion between my husband and I when I tell him he just doesn't get it.
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@snarkybiochemist: when I try to explain to my husband that I'm upset or feeling down in part because my hormones are all over the place, I think he sees it as a cop-out or an excuse. I've tried to explain that I can - and do - control my actions but controlling my emotions is much harder. I think we're making progress on him starting to understand this, and I in turn have really tried to be more upbeat and think less about TTC.
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@periwinklebee: I try to remind my husband that I had big emotions before TTC and so that during a time filled with emotions and hormones he shouldn't be surprised. He will never understand why the same thing upsets me every month, but he lets me have the emotions now. He doesn't understand that not only am I upset I have my period and feel crappy, I am also grieving the child that won't be born on the due date I have already looked up, nor will I get to experience this holiday or that even pregnant. I'm not sure how explaining that would go, I think it might reveal too much of the baby-crazy.
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@madisonbee: Me and my husband use preseed. I don't think I produce a lot of ewcm (I never see any, but I don't check internally). It's ok, but not great. We only use a little bit at a time and use it as a regular lube, so I don't use the applicators. I think it probably works better if you use an applicator to put it near your cervix.
I'm trying to find ways to increase my natural ewcm since last summer I got pregnant the first month I had noticeable ewcm, which I'm sure was not a coincidence. We were trying for 4 months and I never really noticed any ewcm and then on month 5 I had a day of noticeable ewcm and we conceived 2 days later.
There are a few other lubes that are good to use when ttc, but preseed seems to have the best reviews.
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@snarkybiochemist: I'm rooting for you
When I'm back to TTC I think I may switch apps because I hate being told the due date after o, it really doesn't help with disappointment...
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@periwinklebee: I stupidly look it up during the hopeful phase shortly after ovulation. It is something I should probably stop doing, granted at this point since doctors force my cycle to be so regular essentially I know a rough time frame without looking up the specifics.
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@periwinklebee: I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate to how you're feeling and I know after my D&E I just wanted my period to come back so I could feel somewhat normal again.
My husband is different in that he's optimistic and goes into every month assuming I'm going to get pregnant that month. I get optimistic for a bit, but then as it gets towards the end of my cycle I just assume my period is coming and I feel like I've disappointed him when it does come. It's possible I had a chemical pregnancy last month (faint bfp at 8dpo, but I didn't test again and my period was 2 days late with lots of clots), so I think both of us have high expectations for this month, but I keep telling myself not to get too hopeful. It's really so hard to try to manage your expectations when ttc.
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@mrskansas: Glad you got things..."worked out"
I had the same reaction this month. I was worried I had a giant cyst or something with the pain I was having, but the next morning it went away. If I have to keep taking Femara, maybe I'll go ahead and add in colace to try to keep that from happening again! It was really not pleasant.
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@MaryM: Ha! No, it is not pleasant.
I'm glad I'm not the only one though
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@periwinklebee: Wowwww I'm kind of shocked at that response from your husband. Like by his logic it's pointless to have goals and aspirations and to strive to self-actualize...?
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@snarkybiochemist @periwinklebee: I'm feeling really fortunate that my DH Is also disappointed every time I get my period. I guess it never even occurred to me that his commiseration is so meaningful.
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@snarkybiochemist: I have to fight the urge every month to look up the estimated due date if I were to get pregnant that month. This is the last month I can conceive and have a baby when I'm still 29 (I turn 30 on Dec 24th), so that's been in the back of my mind all month...
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@bizwitch: He's not opposed to TTC, and I think if my RE were to suggest treatments he'd be fine with that at least to a point. But he thinks that I shouldn't have expectations about what will happen, since that part isn't in our control. I think part of this is a genuine life philosophy - about not holding on to things because everything is ultimately fleeting and not trying to control outcomes (which are usually out of our control) but rather focusing on actions that we can control. I see the value of this perspective. At the same time, it's a pretty easy perspective for him to have about TTC because he could go either way on kids, whereas it is a super hard perspective for me to have because I really, really, really want it.
I think the fact that I really want a baby also makes him worry that I feel like he's not enough, because I really want something else. But that's not true! I love and appreciate him so, so much and that just makes me want his baby more!
@PeaceLily: That sounds hard.
I can definitely see the advantages to my husband feeling like he could go either way on kids, as at least I never have to feel like I'm disappointing him as well. I'll be 34 in a few weeks, and there have also been tears shed here that I most likely won't manage to have a baby before turning 35. I gave almost a year cushion, and looks like it won't happen. I know it's a dumb thing to be upset about, it's not as if anything magically changes when you turn 30 or 35, but that hasn't stopped me from feeling like ughhh....
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@periwinklebee: I understand better where he's coming from, but seriously if it was my DH I'd be like "Dude, it's not about YOU." Like, you'd want to have kids no matter who you were with, right? Say you never met him, you'd still want to be a parent. And yeah, it totally makes sense that being really in love with someone just makes you want kids more, not less, because a child is such a tangible extension of that love and commitment.
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@periwinklebee: Also I am 34 as well and we started TTC when I was 32. If I don't get pregnant in the next couple of months I will be 35 or older when I have my first kid. How did this happen? It seems like just yesterday I was 25 and carefree...
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@bizwitch: I'll be 25 in May and not so carefree anymore, lol.
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@mrskansas: LOL as soon as I typed that I was thinking that, at 25 I definitely thought the problems I had were huge and the biggest deal in the world. And now I can't hardly remember what those problems were. And I'm sure in a decade I'll feel the same way about this chapter of my life. Especially when I have two kids. Which I damn well better by the time I'm in my mid-40s!
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@periwinklebee: I'm sorry you are going through an especially rough patch.
It's so hard when you are ready to move forward but your body isn't. As for the situation with your husband, I feel like my husband was somewhat similar but kept most of his thoughts to himself. He was more along the lines of "be patient..." but it wasn't a problem of patience but of mourning our losses. I think it was hard for him to really, truly understand my sense of loss. Most people (my husband included) felt bad for me instead of grieving for my babies. That was hard and made me feel very alone. What helped was being in contact with people who "got it." I hope you feel like you have that here. -
@bizwitch: Yep it's funny how things change. Even five years ago I was moving to Alaska with nothing but a duffel bag and now I have a kid, mortgage, boring job, haha.
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@bizwitch: Yeah, definitely!
I'm so sorry it's been such a long journey for you
I guess a silver lining of TTC is it does slow time down
, I will hopefully enjoy 34. I was talking with a retired colleague in his 80s the other day, and it just sounds super hard to be old in so many different ways...
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@mrskansas: Oh man I have dreams of living in Alaska! When I was looking for my first full time public radio job I applied to about a half dozen jobs in Alaska, and didn't get so much as an interview for any of them. My small market start was in Pittsburg, KS instead. Which was fun in its own way, but Alaska still lingers in my mind and my heart...
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@Coral: Thank you
This community has been so amazing, I am super, super grateful for all of you I definitely don't have anyone IRL now who understands in the same way...
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@bizwitch: It is such an amazing place. We lived there for three years and I loved every minute of it. I would move back in a heartbeat but my husband refuses since he's a pipe fitter & had to work out in the cold. I don't blame him though.
But if you have the chance to travel there, I would definitely recommend it!
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@periwinklebee: Honestly I thought I would have a kid and be planning a second pregnancy by now! But life has other plans... as usual.
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@bizwitch: He is on board with treatments and going forward and he feels disappointed about my period but its disappointment not the deep sadness that I feel. My husband is also not the type of person to show his emotions, so that might be it. He is supportive and loving and once I spelled out exactly what was comforting and what wasn't he knows what to do, it just baffles him.
@PeaceLily: I am a planner by nature and I am no longer in charge of this part of my life and it drives me nuts, so I look up due dates to feel in control, only to be met with sadness. -
I feel like I might be ovulating sooner than CD 14. My CM is getting really watery & my husband looks hotter than normal
If I did ovulate sooner it would be better for BD timing!
CD 9 today. -
@bizwitch: oh man, I can't even go down the rabbit hole of thinking second pregnancy (and I confess to sometimes dreaming about three).
Not to be obnoxiously over-optimistic, but maybe you'll get KU with twins this month! I'm fantasizing for you!
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@periwinklebee: That would be amazing/terrifying!
I actually really don't want multiples though because our local Midwife Center doesn't accept clients pregnant with multiples, and I REALLY want to have my baby there instead of in the hospital.
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@mrskansas: No harm in getting it on anyway!
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I want twins. I know that's crazy and I can't say that out loud to my husband, but I would be pretty excited. I've always had a gut feeling so maybe it will happen?
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@mrskansas: I recently admitted to my husband (after a few drinks) that I wouldn't be upset if we had twins. I think his head nearly exploded. lol
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@MaryM: I've watched some of those "twin ultrasound surprise" videos on YouTube and my husband would not be the one that gets super excited and cries.
Needless to say he's not fond of the idea whatsoever!I'm secretly hoping that the Clomid will cause twins
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@bizwitch: @MaryM: @mrskansas: I also have indulged sometimes in twin fantasies (not with my husband!), though I can also see the downsides.
When I told a friend earlier this week that I was worried about TTC, her response was to tell me about a friend of hers who after four years of failed IVFs got pregnant with twins at the same time her surrogate got pregnant with a singleton, so now she effectively has triplets. I was thinking "you're not making me feel better!" Triplets sound horrifying (and four years of failed IVF much worse).
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@periwinklebee: OMG! So crazy.
Does anyone watch Shameless? I'm on Season 4 now... if you're watching and not that far yet, stop reading b/c there will be spoilers.
I can't BELIEVE V got pregnant with triplets when her mom also got pregnant! And like, what a terrible awkward situation. And I feel for the one-off kid, who's going to have three siblings with an incredibly close connection that s/he isn't a part of. I mean I know it's fiction but still, it makes me sad for them! LOL!
Also please no spoilers for future episodes, thanks!!
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@periwinklebee: I hate when friends reply with "Well, I know someone who..." stories of successes. So not helpful! Ever.
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Hopefully it's positive tomorrow and I ovulate on CD 12. Hopefully it's not too early
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@MaryM: Yeah, I know they mean well, but not helpful. I also usually end up feeling terrible for the people in the stories, even if there's a seemingly happy ending. The day after my D&E, I got an email from the hospital telling the story of a woman who had six (six!) later losses, finally got sustainably pregnant with IVF, only to discover she had developed advanced stage breast cancer and might have to choose between her life and her baby's life. But thanks to the amazing hospital, everything worked out. That is not a helpful story to tell your patients the day after a D&E.
@mrskansas:
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@mrskansas: @periwinklebee: you guys are crazy
! I would probably end up admitted to the psych unit if I ended up pregnant with twins
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So not related to TTC at all but I have to brag, I was in the market for a new winter coat and figured end of season I'll get a good deal and boy did I, I got a $250 london fog down puffer coat for $75.
I've tried not to think about it, with varied success. I probably shouldn't have taken a HPT this morning because obviously it upset me (which I wasn't expecting either, dratt hormones), but I was also curious what was going on. I hope things are going well!
Not to be obnoxiously over-optimistic, but maybe you'll get KU with twins this month! I'm fantasizing for you!
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