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Oh no. So sorry to hear he is needing so much support, but so so glad you have it. Please try to take it easy on yourself. You are a great mamma. Sending more hugs.
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I read this less as being hard on yourself than being rightfully frustrated at your care team for not giving you different and more careful advice for a condition they seem to have diagnosed long ago and then not listening to you when you first arrived at the hospital. If that’s the case, you have absolutely every right to feel furious and frustrated. But I hope you can put it out of your mind for now or at least just channel that energy toward healing for you and the little one, and continuing to advocate for yourselves even though you must be exhausted. I have you all in my thoughts and will be checking back here to see how you guys are doing.
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Baby is starting to do a little bit better. His PDA has largely closed, his pulmonary hypertension is resolving, and they've been able to wean down his FiO2 and vent pressures a little bit. He's still requiring a *lot* of respiratory support for 32 weeks (well, today would make 33 weeks) but at least things are in the direction of maintaining or removing interventions rather than adding more and more.
As for me, I'm feeling a lot better than when I updated a few days ago. The first 48-72h p c-section were *way* worse than the first few days after my vaginal delivery, but in the days since things have gotten better really fast and I am definitely more functional 6-days post section than I was 6-days post vaginal birth. I don't know how much of that is about having a 32-wk pregnancy/baby vs a 42-wk pregnancy/baby or mode of delivery, but, I'll take it.
Physically the worst part of my experience was the spinal anesthesia. It felt absolutely disgusting to me. I'm glad I was able to get it and be awake for the birth rather than go under general -- things had been moving in the direction of very prompt c-section for about 10 minutes already before they moved from urgent to decidedly emergent. But...after feeling that...wow. In an "normal" birth situation, I can't imagine electively deciding to get an epidural/spinal rather than feeling labor sensations.
With the possible exception of how long it took to give me betamethasone, the hospital staff took great care of me. I think the birth that I had was about as good as it could get given the circumstances. But I'm really sad about the birth and new baby experience that I won't get to have.
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@lilyofthewest: He is absolutely adorable and, obviously, a fighter.
Simply, Congratulations.
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@nwm: Yeah, this captures it -- thank you. I really wish I'd been told the full truth at/after my anatomy scan so I could have time to prepare for the possibility of changing plans and expectations. As it was, it was less than 3 weeks between me finding out about the placenta and me having a NICU baby even though the information had been there for 3 months.
@MRSSCB: Yeah, the level of evidence for pelvic rest, reduced lifting and reduced strenuous activity is limited. If someone had had the informed consent discussion with me that they should have, I very well might have decided not to follow those recommendations. I don't know, tough to say in retrospect. So, maybe I'm glad I wasn't given recommendations that I ignored? I imagine I would be feeling worse about things!
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@lilyofthewest: what a sweetie. Thanks for sharing that picture! I am glad he’s starting to do a little better!
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@lilyofthewest: Congratulations on your baby boy. I had a premature NICU baby and I know that the mourning of the birth process and the early days is very real, very hard to cope with and very much a feeling of grief (4 years later I still feel that grief). Try to take care of yourself as much as you can. I'm thinking of you and your little guy.
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Thinking of you and your little guy! He is adorable. Prayers he is out of the NICU soon
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Extra shit topping: My per diem job (not my primary employment, thankfully) just declined my request for a leave of absence (I am not FMLA eligible there) and fired me. Intend to appeal through the union since another PRN person took a maternity leave last year. Pretty sure this is actually retaliation for this whole debacle: http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-screwed-up-at-work-not-sure-how-to-fix-it This sucks.
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@lilyofthewest: sorry about your job on top of all the other stress. I echo what @psw27: said. I have had two babies with health concerns and long NICU stays. There’s definitely some grieving involved at not having a typical birth and newborn experience. Allow yourself that but also know that there will be lots of extra celebrations as he reaches new milestones. He’s absolutely precious. I hope you are able to rest and care for yourself at this time. Thinking of you.
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@lilyofthewest: He’s so beautiful! I hope he gets well soon. Your description of c/s recovery vs vaginal is spot-on. That’s exactly how it was for me.
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