My boss lost his wife a few days ago - he sent me the information on the arrangements and I don't know if I should go to the memorial or the funeral?
Should I ask him?
What would you do?
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@Mamaof2: how close are you to your boss? In that situation, I'd probably follow what my coworkers were doing unless I was really close to my boss.
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Can you attend both? By memorial do you mean visitation?
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@Applesandbananas: very close- I don't work with any them - I am in PA and they are in NJ or MD
@Greentea: I could but its 2 different days about an hour away - would prefer to do one
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So sorry to hear about your boss's wife... so tragic!
I always thought a memorial and a funeral were the same thing? From what I understand, the wake is for more distant friends and relatives... while a memorial/funeral is for friends and family who are closer.
If he's your direct boss and you guys are close, I would go to both. If you can only get away for one, I would go to the funeral. Might be best to check with coworkers rather than him, just so you can coordinate and all be at the same event!
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@Mamaof2: In that case, I'd go to the funeral. I always felt like funerals were more private, for family and close friends, and that the memorial was for more casual friends.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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@mrbee: thanks
its called "visitation" in the obituary and is at night guess I thought that was a memorial?
- funeral is the next day -
@Mamaof2: Ah ok, the visitation is the same thing as a wake, as far as I understand it. The visitation/wake details are usually published in the obituary and the visitation is also before the funeral, so those parts sound right.
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If you're choosing one (which is fine by the way), I would go the wake. Although funerals are certainly open to anyone grieving, I tend to agree that they are more personal. Plus, during wakes, you'll have more of an opportunity to speak with your boss and offer your condolences in person.
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I would go to the wake/visitation. I guess it probably depends on the culture where you are, but it's pretty common here (in Boston) to attend the wake if you can only do one, mostly because they tend to be at night and people come after work. Also, I know that I remember who came to my mom's wake, but I really have no idea who attended the funeral.
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@Mamaof2: I would attend the funeral. The visitation is more personal- as in- it is a time to visit with the family. Showing up for the actual funeral is important, imo and you can still speak with the family afterward.
Attending either is wonderful and I am sorry for your loss.
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