Hellobee Boards

@JoJoGirl: what does your morning routine look like? What does your husband typically do with her in the morning? What do you think is causing this?

@JoJoGirl: when does she start crying for you, is it after he turns off the video on the iPhone? I find transitions away from technology are the worst in our house. Tantrum central. Could he shower before she gets up and entertain her while he gets ready without the iPhone?

Or....could he get some kid music playing near the kitchen so when they go get ready for breakfast she has some fun music to listen to?

@JoJoGirl: could you try swapping out bathtime and bedtime routine so he spends that quality bedtime with her? Does he like to read to her? Maybe you do bathtime but he then goes to her room and snuggles in her bed with her and reads her stories? That might give them some more bonding time that they need to get her over the mommy preference. That last few minutes before bed is such a sweet bonding time that it may help cut her preference for you a bit if he starts doing that part.

@JoJoGirl: I'm so sorry!! That has to be so hard and it is so hard on our relationships when they go through things like this, too.

I would try him taking her to do more fun stuff just the two of them. Out to breakfast, to the park, to the store, etc. So they develop more of a bond, not just hurrying to get her to day care. Then she will hopefully see him as more "fun".

Do you think she's getting enough "mommy time"? If your DH is doing both the morning routine and bath/books in the evening, and you're at work all day, how much time do you actually spend with her on a normal weekday? Maybe this is her way of saying she wants more time with you. My DD also has a mommy preference but I find she's worse when she spends a lot of time with just DH, whereas if she can sort of fill up her reserves of mommy time, she is much better about then spending one-on-one time with him. It can be a vicious cycle because DH is less patient than I am, and when I'm busy and can't spend as much time with her, she gets upset more easily, has more tantrums, is harder to calm back down, etc. Then DH gets upset because he feels like he can't do anything right, and she gets more worked up because he isn't responding to her the way she wants/needs, and I end up having to "fix things" for both of them. Unfortunately, the only solution for now is for me to just put off other stuff so I can be around DD and give her lots of time and attention -- it's not always possible, but everyone is SO much happier when I can make it happen. Hopefully she'll grow out of it eventually.

ETA: I think this is pretty much opposite what everyone else has been saying...but it's what works for us.

@JoJoGirl: Preference is annoying And it really can drive a wedge. I think DH blames me (although he's never said it) because I SAH and he thinks if she was in daycare she'd be less attached to me. I think it is a combo of kids being hardwired to be mom-obsessed in the early years and also the differences in the way we relate to her (but that feels like saying "it is your fault" to him...)

Do you think she gets upset because your husband is stricter? We have this going on too and we've had way too many days when DS starts wailing about something ridiculous, DH snaps at him and he melts down completely. We've had many conversations about this and DH is trying much harder to be gentler and more flexible, while I am trying to make it more obvious that I back what he says (even when inside, I think he's wrong).

Now they're doing much better and DH actually sat through half an hour of whining this weekend without getting mad, while DS finally calmed down without going ballistic - I'm so proud of them both! We still have bad days of course, but they're putting in a great effort.

@JoJoGirl: Would he read a book possibly? there's a whole section in love and logic about consequences and doing the "song" thing before you enforce it. Basically, the one warning. It might work really well for you guys (and he might take it better from a book than you!)

@JoJoGirl: This may come off harsh, I'm sorry if it does, but if he does things like snatching things from her or yelling, she might be becoming scared of him, hence her reaction. I'm like your husband - I lose my patience easily, but I have been working my a$$ off to remember that my 2.5 year old is still barely aware of actions, consequences, etc., and that this is prime time for testing limits, figuring things out, making "mistakes" (how the heck would she know that scratching the table is bad if you only told her once or not at all?), etc. And I work on this really hard because I don't ever want my kid to be scared of me, and I have seen that on her face when I overreacted in the past. Plus kids are intuitive little buggers - they know when you're stressed or generally prone to bad behavior - so your daughter might be reacting to his snappiness consistently if it's a regular behavior on your husband's part.

FWIW, it helped me A LOT to read books about toddler norms (What to Expect is pretty straightforward/factual, but there are plenty of others) just to give myself a frame of what's normal for the age and work on moderating myself accordingly. Not sure if that's feasible for your husband, but just wanted to throw it out as a thought. Good luck

DS started having a heavier mommy preference here. He's been tattling on DH a lot regardless if the matter at hand is small or large. Sigh. Hoping this eases up before DD arrives in March or we're in big, big trouble!

My LO is going to be 2.5 this week and she has a mommy preference right now. She only wants me to take her to the potty, tuck her in and she freaks out when I'm not around when she wakes up in the morning. I know it is a phase but it is exhausting and frustrating at times!

In the example you provided about reminding your husband that a warning comessage first before removing the fork, I agree with him that it is undermining him if the reminder happens in front of your LO. I think it's important that parents appear united in front of kids and would let him get away with it since he was the first to respond. If you had jumped in with the warning and he promptly snatched the fork away then he would have undermined you. So it goes both ways.

LO has always had a preference for me. Sometimes it’s not that noticeable, but often, it is pretty extreme, and I know it hurts my husband’s feelings a lot. Like @PurplePeony, even though LO is gone all day at daycare (and is happy there and she is fine for me to leave without meltdown, etc) when we are home, she is like Velcro to me. She likes to be touching me AT ALL TIMES. She wants to hold my hand 24/7, or be sitting on me, or touching me, all the damn time.

For us, I *am* the stricter parent. I lose my temper quicker, and I enforce the rules much, much more than my husband does. I’m the “bad cop”. All that has no impact on her behavior or preference though, so, don’t beat yourselves up too much about that.

When DH and LO are alone, they have an awesome time together – it’s just if I am there, I am the “disruptor”, in a sense. So, that means I have to remove myself sometimes so that they get alone time.

I don’t have any answers, sorry. Just commiseration. I do think some of it is just toddler behavior.

@JoJoGirl: I just wanted to say my situation is very (very!) similar to @yoursilverlining's. LO has always had a strong preference for me, unless I am not physically present. What helped DH the most was finding a special activity for just the two of them (like going to breakfast together on the weekends) and trying to be a bigger part of LO's daily routine, like doing drop offs as much as possible (I used to do both drop off and pickup). The preference can really be a huge strain on both parents. ((hugs))