Hellobee Boards

We went through something like this this summer when I was pregnant and with her 24/7 because i was off (I'm a teacher). One thing that really worked was DH taking DD out of the house to do something fun without me pretty often - swimming, going to the park, going for ice cream...if I wasn't there then she couldn't fall back on "I want mommy" and had a lot of fun with DH in the process. And it was awesome for me to stay home and be kid free for a bit

After that he started taking over more of her daily routine - baths, bed etc which was really helpful with a newborn thrown in the mix. Now she really has no preference and might actually be more team daddy.

I'm sorry though - I know it's hard, and probably hurtful for your DH... I kept telling my DH not to take it personally but it's hard! Good luck!

Ok, this is a more discipline based, less understanding approach...but it worked for us. At 2.5 DS was getting aware of how his words and actions made other people feel, so we decided to work with that. Any screaming for a different parent was met with a calm, "I understand that you want mommy. It is ok to feel that way, but you may not scream at daddy." Then the next scream got, "you may want mommy, but you need to speak in a calm voice /use kind words or there will be a time out. Screaming is not kind." Then the next scream got a calm "off to time out. When you are calm I will help you." And whatever parent started the cycle dealt with through the end of time out. This is how we deal with other tantrums, so we realized that for DS this needed the same technique. Then have the less preferred parent do as many things as possible for a week or two so this cycle gets repeated a LOT. Of course we tried to make bath with daddy or whatever a fun and special thing, we weren't hoping for resistance, but if he wasn't buying it we went straight to this approach. DS stopped pretty quickly because he wasn't getting what he wanted, and he was getting a calm, predictable response. At first I felt like I was invalidating his feelings, but, for us, it was important that he understand that sometimes he gets mommy, sometimes he gets daddy and sometimes he doesn't have a choice about which. He may feel however he needs to and we will help him with those feelings, but he may not be hurtful with expressing his feelings.

@Foodnerd81: Maybe the swim lessons were a bit much, but I think this concept will ultimately be helpful. As for him being distracted by TV/phone at home, how much of that is actually a problem and how much is just annoyance? Like is he watching TV instead of feeding her or putting her to bed? Or just not being as actively involved in play as you might prefer? Maybe leave them home alone with specific things to be done and whatever else is done is up to them. Like they need to make and eat lunch and take a bath while you're gone and as long as those get done then, don't stress if he's on his phone while she's playing after bath.

We have the opposite problem, an extreme Daddy's Boy, and nothing works until DH physically leaves the house. If DS knows DH is home and trying to do something like work out or shower, he throws a huge fit until we physically allow them to be together. But the second DH is gone it's like night and day - DS might ask where Daddy is, but he's 100% fine with me doing everything all of the sudden. I know it's hard because you stay home and have a newborn, but try to put DD in more situations where you aren't physically there. Maybe that means DH takes her to swimming without you there, or he takes a day off work and you go somewhere.

This doesn't directly address the mommy preference, but I found my toddler (2.5 at the time) did much better with new baby/sharing attention when he heard me say things like "sorry baby, I can't XYZ right now, I need to ABC with brother." (Baby was sometimes asleep, but brother didn't care, he just liked hearing how important he was, too!) I also let DH take over as many baby duties as possible so I could focus on toddler (though I still fed, and DH didn't have any leave at all due to new job, so that was only sometimes possible).

Good luck, it's a tough adjustment!