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The best thing I did was to continue to send my daughter to daycare. It was a serious hit to our budget but it really saved me and gave her the stability she needed in a time of change. I did have time to sit and bond with my baby, take naps, etc. and it was so nice.

My DD was a bit past 3 when baby brother was born (winter baby). Best stuff we did:
- While I was in the hospital, we arranged for grandparents to come to our house, take her to daycare, etc. instead of sending her to their houses and disrupting her schedule. Also, DH went home and did bedtime with her (which sucked for me alone in the hospital for hours but oh well)
- Kept her in daycare.
- Kept virtually all of our routines as consistent with before as possible, including her bedtime routine which always included both parents. This was easy when baby was very small and portable. Eventually we had to shift things around but it was gradual. This actually also made it easier for us to get LO2 into a good night routine and schedule.
- Didn't automatically give baby all the attention all the time. If he cried, sometimes I'd say "wait your turn, I'm helping your sister right now" (if this was appropriate).
- Had her be our little helper. She was great at getting us diapers and wipes, bringing toys, "reading" to him, etc.
- Got her a baby boy doll with a ton of accessories so that she could take care of "her baby" while I took care of LO2.

Edited to add:
- Babywearing helped so so much. I still wear LO2 at 10 months all the time (I stopped with LO1 much earlier). In the early days, I could even nurse while wearing him, which helped while also watching LO1.
- Finally, we stopped caring as much about screen time.

And even more that I just remembered:
- We got a babysitter a few times for LO2 and took LO1 out on some special "dates" with just her and me and DH.

I had #2 last Dec! DD1 just turned 2 at that point.

So first off, yes completely to keeping #1 in daycare.

Since I had help, I made sure to spend quality time with #1. I took her to open play at least one morning a week and a little food date after; those times I treasure SO much esp since I only had 3 months of that then I went back to work.

Whenever possible, I tend to DD1 first if I can. It was "easy" in the beginning since newborns just sleep and sleep and sleep some more. Babywearing is HUGE so that even if I couldn't put DD2 down, I could wear her and still engage with DD1. I let her help as much as possible even if it meant everything took longer.

It was tough when I had to nurse and couldn't physically be with DD1 but so that took some adjusting, but I'd always nurse in the living room so I could continue interacting with her.

It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, and DD1 def had to adjust (she acted out with fighting bed time/naps for like a month or so!). I didn't really feel bad spending time with DD1 since nursing DD2 a billion times, plus DD2 cosleeps, so I felt like I def was not short changing DD2.

When baby was a little older she often just hung out in the bouncer to watch us play. It was good to get something closer to the ground so she could watch us. I think once she was able to sit up, things got a lot easier too.

Now I truly believe DD1 can't even remember life without DD2. She loves her and loves to help! She does get jealous still and def schemes to get me to herself, but I am proud to say I'm pretty sure we all came out of the transition happy!

So I'd say the #1 thing is really those one on one time I made to have with DD1. I still try to do that with her... I took her to a mommy/me baking class recently and she couldn't stop talking about it!

Following.

My #1 will be 4.5 years old and in full day Pre-K, but any little pieces of advice will be great.

Following. LO1 will be 3 when LO2 arrives, and I’m a SAHM and can’t quite afford daycare. He will only be eligible to start preschool (and part-time at that) when LO2 is five months old. So...I’m terrified.

Agree with everything @Ajsmommy: said!

Absolutely 100% keep sending your older LO to school, it helps SO MUCH. My LO just turned 3 when little brother came along. He definitely had a hard time (but I would say that phase was like 4-6 months, now they're almost 5 and 2 and he is OBSESSED with him).

We kept him going to daycare while I was on mat leave which was great. I would try to get dinner ready while he was still out so the night time wasn't too nuts, especially as that was fussy-hour for the babe.

I will admit to letting older LO get a lot more screen time than I would have liked when it was just me and the two of them, but it kept me sane. My LO also had a lot of energy and we had an October baby so we were stuck inside.

I also basically went to bed each night when the LOs went down. So I got some solid sleep then was up for feedings and could get started early and feel somewhat rested. Granted I didn't see DH for a while, but just in the beginning.

My DH was traveling a lot at the time, and I had friends and family come and help me a lot, especially in the evenings. I also had a mothers helper type (high school girl across the street) come over and play with my older LO so I could get the baby settled and fed and asleep, then I could focus on his bed time.

DS was 2-1/2 when DD was born in February. He only went to daycare once a week.
The best advice I got was from a nurse, who suggested having a basket/activity for older child that he only gets to play with while you're nursing.
I would stock up on fun activities for older child, like play doh or paints, etc. Fun things that will keep him busy for longer periods when you're busy with baby.
Also stock up on easy-meals, either make-ahead frozen foods, or just quick one-pot recipes.
Screen time was great in the mornings, we'd all hang out in bed till 8 so I could catch some more sleep while DS watched Mickey Mouse or a movie. It also allowed me to take a shower I just kept DD in the bathroom in the R&P.

I think I was prepared for it to go poorly with the addition of baby 2, but it went so well!

My sister in law gave me this advice and it helped with daughter when her brother was born at 3.5.

Always try to put the first born first. Even if the baby cries a little bit, it's okay. Try to tend to the needs of the oldest first. Even if briefly. It will help them feel less neglected.

@avivoca: This is exactly what I was going to say.

Something my mother recommended was giving your older child something to do when the baby is crying so they are 'helping'. Her friend had the older sibling hold the baby's hand if she started crying. You don't want them trying to help pick them up

Mine are just 2 years apart, but we read some books about a new sibling coming home as well. I think those helped expectations.

I also stocked up on snack bribes. Marshmallows, peanut butter crackers, jelly beans, etc. I just told myself it was temporary haha!

I'd highly recommend babywearing with a wrap for the first month or so (sometimes it was the only thing that helped #2 go to sleep and we could still go on walks!) then switching to a structured carrier when you need.

My last thought is a little controversial, but it worked for us, we were in a two bedroom and I'm a terrible grouch when sleep-deprived, so despite my best intentions of having #2 sleep in the pack in play in our room, she ended up in our bed. I got more sleep for sure those first couple months than I did with our first.

My boys are 20 months apart.

We had a mommy's helper start coming the last few weeks of my pregnancy every other Saturday morning to play with DS1 and take him to the park. This gave me a break and got him to bond with the helper.

I stepped up the helper hours after DS was born to every Saturday morning. That way I could sleep or just deal with the baby or meal prep for the week or something. DH was often working.

We kept DS1 in school during the week. Gave me a chance to really bond with the baby and not blow up DS1's routine. Except his daycare shut down when DS2 was 6 weeks old so we either had the helper come some more in the mornings or we had him play in the yard while the baby napped or hung out in a spare PNP.

We got a housecleaner twice a month.

We did independent playtime for 45 minutes at a time in his room with a baby gate. DS1 did NOT like watching me feed the baby - nursing or bottle - so he would have to play himself while I fed. I watched him on the monitor in earshot.

We did Mommy and Me dates during naps with DS1. Donuts, car washes, something simple.

I had a master shopping list and I just circled things on it and handed it to my husband a few times a week. He would take DS1 as an adventure slash Daddy date and they would ride the car cart and get groceries.

We had a 4 year age gap last November when my second LO arrived. My older child was in full day preschool but really the transition was not nearly as difficult as I anticipated. The age gap means only one in diapers and your older kid will probably surprise you at being self sufficient. My big guy started dressing himself, getting himself snacks and drinks, turning on the iPad, etc while I was nursing the baby. Make sure various supplies are accessible to your older kid.

Loving all this great advice, especially from the mamas with a 4 year age gap. Ours will also be 4 years apart.

@Meowkers: exactly me! Same concerns. Our daughter will also be 3 and baby girl #2 is also due in February

The other perk of this age gap for us was that I didn’t need to worry about leaving the baby sleeping in the rock n play in order to run to the bathroom, hop in the shower, etc. because my bigger guy could be trusted to leave the baby alone. He was even helpful and would pop back in a fallen pacifier while I was doing dishes, etc. it really ended up being a great age gap!

Also, I agree with @kemma. Even though it is winter, there are likely still easy fun things to do. Several museums and play cafes have nursing rooms or a quiet place to sit out of the way. I would nurse and feed my son lunch or give him the iPad.

Also, don’t feel guilty about screen time. It’s just temporary.

I'm soooo scared I think in the long run it will be good but I am terrified of the first year. My son will be 2y8m if this baby is born when due.

He was such a difficult baby - nonstop screaming due to colic, very severe reflux and mspi (well, not just milk and soy, I had to quit eating everything), a weeklong hospital stay and another ER visit due to his severe vomiting and apnea due to vomiting... it was truly a nightmare. I don't know how I can handle another baby like him and take care of a 2 year old at the same time. I am just praying baby #2 will be easier.

@MrsADS: We have a 2y9m gap and it has been really good. My tips would be to make sure that your LO1 is potty trained and can mostly dress themselves. When you have a baby again you'll realize how independent your son is. My son could dress himself, didn't need diapers changed, could feed himself, could independently play or get his tablet and watch it. And now at 13.5 months and almost 4, they can play together and they have a really close relationship.

We had a 3 1/2 year age gap and it was great, dd was super helpful and rather understanding when dd2 came, I think the only real hard part from my 1 to 2 transition was having a c/s, it really made me limited to what I could do. I agree with meal planning, make freezer meals if you can. Don't be afraid to accept help, believe me it's not worth it lol. Now I'm expecting #4 and it doesn't even worry me adding another lol. Just take it easy and don't stress about the mess that will most likely take place for the first few weeks or so. For me my biggest worry is getting ahead in school before baby is born because we homeschool so we will probably be taking a break for a bit.

DD2 is four months old, and the transition has been super smooth. We're lucky! We did a lot to prepare DD1 for the baby's arrival, but I think we also just got lucky in that the baby is easygoing.

Some things we did to prepare were:
-read big sister books constantly and talked about what a baby is like (crying, etc.)
-bought a gift for the baby to "give" to DD1 in the hospital (a book and stuffed baby Margaret from Daniel Tiger)
-switched to having DH do DD1's nighttime routine alone a couple of months before the baby arrived. This gave her time to adjust before the baby came.

When DD2 arrived we tried to give big sister a lot of extra attention and praise, especially when she was interacting nicely with the baby. When we couldn't do something because of the baby we wouldn't ever say that. So, instead of "the baby is tired so we're going to have to be quiet", I'd say, "mommy really needs it to be quiet because it's too loud for me". We didn't want her to be resentful of her sister. At this point we don't need to do that much anymore.

Sending big sibling to daycare or preschool would be ideal, but it's not terrible if you are home with both! I'm a teacher and our girls go to a daycare that's only open during the school year. DD2 was born at the end of the year, so I had both girls home with me all summer. Although it wasn't ideal, I actually did end up liking it as it forced me to get up and out of the house and into a routine quicker. DD1 would have gone stir crazy at home all the time.