I'm totally getting ahead of myself, since I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant, but I was wondering when people told others versus your older LOs? DS will be 5 soon. I think I'd like to wait to tell him until we have results of NIPT, just in case there are major chromosomal problems. But I think I'd like to tell my parents and a few close friends before that. I just feel weird having people know without our son knowing. But the real reason 
is that I would love to tell our friends and family by having him wear a cute big brother shirt. And I obviously can't do that if he doesn't know.
TL; DR: for moms over 35, when did you tell friends and family versus older LOs? Thanks!
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The kids totally found out first!
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I'm not 35+ but due to family history I also have to do some testing (CVS) at just before 12 weeks, and the results we need won't come until a couple of weeks after that.
It's really important to me that DS knows first so we won't announce until 14 weeks or later.
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We lost out last pregnancy at 11w after seeing a hb so that probably changed my answer. That time, I told family at 8w and my kids didn’t know. I didn’t regret not telling the kids - un-telling a 5yo is not something I wanted to explain. I’m not sure I’m glad we told family though ... just really not sure, I’m not upset they knew but it didn’t really help my emotional process either.
This time we didn’t tell anyone until after NIPT so at least 13 weeks (except on here of course!). I actually told the kids first (6 and 3 by then) and it was fun to be able to tell gender at the same time. Then I used that pic (I got them shirts and a onesie for baby) to tell family.
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I was 38 when we found out last year. DD was only 2, but she knew before anyone. (But did she understand? Probably not.
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I’m 35. Just had my 3rd. We didn’t tell our kids (5 and 2) until about 10-12 weeks. My five year old is old enough and I’m pretty sure she would have told everyone. I also had a mc before so was wary on how to explain it if it did happen. My 2 year old didn’t know or care. I did tell my mom before when we found out bc I needed her help watching kids for doctors appts and just help in general. My dad prob knew too but didn’t say anything. So the order we told is: mom (and prob dad), our kids at 12 weeks, rest of family at 12 weeks, and then Facebook official at 15ish weeks
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We didn’t/don’t have older LOs but we told parents and close family around 10 weeks once we had NIPT results. I was really wanting to get of the first trimester but DH couldn’t wait anymore. I was 40 and we conceived through IVF. After all that emotional roller coaster, I just needed to contain who knew in case we needed to take it back. Also some family is super religious so if he had needed TMFR, there would have been a shitstorm beyond what I could have handled. I didn’t tell anyone beyond my immediate family until 20 weeks! Then close friends who live far away. I announced on FB kinda around 41 weeks.
After so many years of putting up with FB pregnancy announcements and also not wanting to have to undo something like that, I waited until I was ready!
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Congrats on your pregnancy!
We were planning to tell our 4yo son first, and to wait until after the NIPT results. We got the test results on a Thursday when my parents were babysitting, and my son was asleep when we got home. So we told them, and told them to keep the news quiet.
We told our son on Saturday morning so he would have the weekend to talk about it with us if he wanted to. And we invited my MIL over the same weekend to tell her in person too.
But we waited until after the NIPT to tell our parents about my pregnancy with our son, too. He took eight months and a miscarriage to conceive. My current twin pregnancy took two years, two miscarriages, five rounds of Clomid and three IUIs. I was not interested in sharing any of that with family, other than my sister who knew most of the details each time.
ETA: FWIW, I liked the book Babies Don't Eat Pizza to explain about pregnant to my 4yo.
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Thanks, everyone, for your perspectives. @bhbee: That's my biggest fear, is having to un-tell him.
Ugh. I think I want to wait so that we can tell DS first after we've had all the testing done. That's going to be so hard. I'm excited and have no self-control.
@elbiekay: Thanks for the recommendation. That looks like a good one. -
Ok, so I just turned 35, and as you know got a Bfp the same day as you
we are going to wait as long as we can to tell the kids, but that will probably only be 8ish weeks if that.
I just know we won’t be able to keep the secret, and my daughter (3) and son (1.5) are constantly jumping on me and climbing on me, so I need to get them to be more gentle -
@LAZB: Is your older LO a young 3 or older 3? I think I would be less hesitant if my son was younger, but he'll be 5 next month and will very clearly understand what's happening.
Also, does this make a difference to anyone? My DH, DS, and I will be going away for a long weekend with 3 of my closest friends and their families (like, we've been friends for over 30 years) when I am just about 11 weeks pregnant. It would be a perfect time to tell everyone, but we won't have test results back of course. Two thoughts... pro telling them: They know we want a second kid soon and may guess over the weekend anyways. Plus I won't have to hide not drinking and possibly already looking pregnant. Con telling them: We all live in roughly the same area and I can probably arrange a time a couple of weeks later to tell them all in person.
Thanks for helping me overthink this
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@Chuckles: she’s a younger 3 (feb birthday). Also, I personally don’t wait to tell close friends, I figure I’d want their support if something happened, so I vote tell them on the trip since they’d probably guess anyway
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My son is only 2.5 and I really don't think he gets babies/pregnancy at all, so we've told all family so far. I told him "there's a baby in my tummy and when it's big it will come out" ... So now he asks me about it a lot. And now I feel like I shouldn't have said anything to him yet.. my family and friends will understand if something goes wrong but a toddler doesn't understand miscarriage if it happens (hopefully it won't but being realistic it's something I think about).
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@Chuckles: I would tell them but I don't find miscarriage a taboo. I told a ton of people last summer then miscarried at 12w and it was fine; I was really comforted by all their support. And it brought up a TON of conversations between me and moms who had lost babies.
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We waited until 2nd tri to tell anyone - we wanted our 3yo to know first but we also knew that if we told him we ran the risk of him telling everyone. And we didn’t want anyone (including parents) to know until 2nd tri.
(2 losses after seeing heartbeats before our first son, so we are very guarded). -
I'm 40. We told our 5 year old at 9 weeks after an ultrasound. Told families after NIPT testing.
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We told the family after seeing a heartbeat. I had 2 early losses and I was glad they knew about the pregnancies because I needed their support. I think we told our older son around 12 weeks..
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@Chuckles: I think you’d have to make an elaborate plan to avoid telling them if you are away for a weekend together, so personally I would tell those friends but make it clear you have not told anyone else yet. Then tell the rest when you are ready.
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Thanks again, everyone.
@pachamama: and @alba4: I would really like to tell my parents and close friends earlier because it would be good to have their support if something happened. (I think. I tend to be pretty private about things though) I'm just stuck on telling people before our son, or having to explain to him if things don't work out.
@mediagirl: I hope you don't mind if I ask - did you guys consider waiting to tell your DD?Obviously we have a lot more time to decide. But I think the fun of telling our friends while we're all together out of town is winning out over waiting. I'll just have to risk my son knowing early. And I know enough people here and IRL who have had horrible things happen way after 12 weeks, so at some point you just have to do it and hope for the best.
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we are going to wait as long as we can to tell the kids, but that will probably only be 8ish weeks if that.Reply
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