Any idea what happens if the parents cannot agree on a name? Marriage is all but done, still living together.
I’ve searched google but found nothing. Am in Canada, having baby in two weeks.
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I believe you can name the baby but it would have the husbands last name - I’m in the states and I fairly sure that’s how it works in my state
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I don’t know what the law says but in the hospital they will let you put any name you want on the birth certificate. (I know people who made up a new last name for their kid). However, that is not to say your ex can’t then contest it-I’m not sure about that part. Sorry you are dealing with this!
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In Alberta the birthing parent fills out the paperwork and can put whatever name (first and either named parents last name) HOWEVER the other named parent has to sign off the paperwork before it is processed. I have seen it get messy. The birth certificate can’t be issued until the birth registration paperwork is filled in.
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@Autumnmama79: Could you put names in a hat? Submit a list of options to a neutral third party and let them pick?
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@gotkimchi: that would be a best case scenario. I’m okay with using his last name, it’s the first we’re so far apart on.
@JJ2626: interesting. Here in Canada you don’t do the birth certificate stuff in the hospital at all, its all done online ideally within the first month .
@MsMini: I can imagine it gets messy, just based on this current situation. Same here in bc where both parents need to sign off.
@erinbaderin: He wants a very ethic name and I want something more Canadian/anglicized sounding. We’re so far apart.
I called vital statistics today and was told that we basically need to come to some agreement. She did suggest I seek a legal opinion.
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Not that it helps but you have 30 days to register the birth and name of your baby.
Could the middle name be an ethnic name? Then it is there and part of the child but they could have a Canadian first name.
Sending love as I can’t imagine how hard this must be & frustrating.
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I'll preface this by saying I'm totally a jerk.
...But. I'd see about using the last name as leverage for the first name. i. e. His pick first name and your maiden last name vs your pick first name an his last name.
When my in laws complained about my son not having the family first name, I told my hubby I was totally willing to change it to His family first name and my maiden name last name. I stopped hearing complaints after that.
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@Autumnmama79: ok this probably also isn’t ideal but would anything change if you files for divorce/separation before the birth? Like would that change your rights at all?
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@ALV91711: Yes, the middle name could certainly be an ethnic sounding name, as is the last name. Unfortunately, he's not agreeable to that.
@Dynamite: I guess I'm a jerk too, as I've tried that tactic. Like seriously, how many family names can you insist on?! I might need to push the idea again though.
@gotkimchi: In speaking with a lawyer a few months ago, rights would really only change if we are living separately. Am trying to co-habitate for financial reasons just while I'm on mat leave. Need to be separated one year prior to filing for divorce in this part of Canada.
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@Autumnmama79: can’t comment on the legal situation but just want to say at large that IMO (surrogate/adoption situation aside) anyone who isn’t the mom can pretty much fuck off re naming the baby and that any consideration on the mom’s part should be a courtesy, if desired. I really hope you get to name your little baby whatever you want. Good luck and good luck with the birth, hope both situations go smoothly
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@LCTBQE: thanks for saying that.
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I’m probably the biggest jerk because I would just sneakily full out the paperwork. And my stare doesn’t default to giving the baby the Dad’s name because a lot of fathers aren’t on the birth certificate.
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What a crappy situation I’m sorry you are going through this! I found this but it’s for Quebec, not sure where in Canada you are! It’s #52 and basically says if you can’t agree they’ll just have two given names. http://legisquebec.gouv.qc.ca/en/ShowDoc/cs/CCQ-1991
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@Ms.Mermaid: Same. In my state you could just fill it out while dad is in the bathroom and it would be done. So weird that Canada is different. Ugh I hope it works out.
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@Ms.Mermaid: When I spoke to the vital statistics agency they said that when filling out the paperwork, both parents need to be in front of the computer, as if under oath, and both need to sign off
@HappyBaker: Ugh, thanks. When reading that it sounds like there would be two given names but the dads choice goes first. I'm hoping thats unique to Quebec, that province does a lot of things differently from the rest of the country.
@JJ2626: Ugh I wish I could just do it that way.
This is taking up so much stress and brain space. I'm going to send an email tonight with one final push. My points will be that I've been carrying this baby, my blood sweat and tears and that if he wants to use his last name so bad then theres got to be some give on the first.
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@Autumnmama79: I don’t have any advice but I hope it works out in your favor. After all the stress, you deserve a win
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@Autumnmama79: hoping this works out for you as well. When the lawyer said your rights change if living separately what if you don’t register the baby until after you move out? You have up until the first birthday to register right?
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@gotkimchi: I think we only have 30 days in a Canada.
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@gotkimchi: you *could* take a year but I’m pretty sure you would lose/delay your government benefits (Mat leave which is up up to 18 months here, your child care benefits, tax deduction, plus some insurances require proof of birth registration within a certain number of months).
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@MsMini: @Petitduck: it’s all different up there! Hoping she can find a resolution
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This is all so unfortunate!! I was thinking tho, I have tons of students who have either ethnic first names or they're junior, III, IV etc and many just go by their middle name. Like it was clear that they had to be named after their father but they prefer their middle name and no one questions it. Even if he was legally the ethnic name and you always introduced him as the name you want, socially that will take. If that makes sense?
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@JennyPenny: Thanks, mama.
@gotkimchi: My understanding is that if you're not living together at the TIME of birth, then the mom has somewhat more rights. It was a very hard decision to stay and plan to stay for the year of mat leave. Financially it seemed like the best choice for my kids and I, however it is proving to be extremely difficult.
@Petitduck: when I spoke to vital statistics I understood that they would like it done in 30 days. Then after 120 days they will send a letter. If you register after the 120 days there is a fee.
@MsMini: good point about the benefits. While I think mat leave benefits would be unaffected I can see how other tax and subsidy stuff could be affected.
@pachamama: I wonder if that may have to be the way we go...
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What a crappy situation. I was wondering if you could agree on an ethnic name that would have an anglecized nickname that the baby would go by.
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@Autumnmama79: First of all, hugs and congratulations on your upcoming birth! Is there any way that you can compromise? Like he doesn't get his first pick and neither do you? Or you pick final say on name but he gets to plan some sort of cultural celebration? I may totally be grasping a straws here. Is he agreeable to talking about it or is he totally set on one name?
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@poppygirl15: Yes, perhaps. The breakdown of the marriage has really left me feeling like I need to hold my ground as I feel as though I was a doormat for so long. Sad that its coming out in this iteration and causing so much additional stress.
@crazydoglady: Thanks so much. I definitely have mixed feelings as my other births have been the most joyous, bonding time imaginable. Where as now delivering a baby into a badly broken home is devastating on a few levels. He's not totally set on one name but is set on having an ethnic first name, an ethic family second name and his ethnic family last name. I don't see myself or my heritage represented there at all.
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@Autumnmama79: I'm so sorry. I still think that this will be a joyous time and this sweet babe will be something beautiful that has come from something broken. :heart :I think having him choose the middle and last name, and you choosing the first is a great compromise. Does he really think you won't have any say at all? It sounds like maybe he is being spiteful, or is there some other cultural motivation?
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@Autumnmama79: that sounds right. The midwife just mentioned to me that she had some issues with her kids because something got messed up during naming and registering after 30 days and it just sounded quite stressful. Obviously the whole situation sounds stressful for you. I hope you can come up with a solution that makes you happy. Pachama’s suggestion could be a good route.
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@Autumnmama79: I would definitely ask about the mat leave/EI pay as I know for sure at least one person who had her parental leave benefits frozen pending proof of live birth. I don’t know the specifics of how it came about though.
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@crazydoglady: Yes, I think there are a lot of cultural issues and his mother pressures him quite a bit with regards to religion.
@Petitduck: @MsMini: Ugh, well I definitely don't want to mess up my benefits. Another good motivation to get this settled. I want it to be done so I can go into these last couple weeks without this hanging over me!
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Wanted to update. Our final compromise was for him to choose the boy name and me to choose the girl name. Well, on September 24th, I had a girl! She’s named after my grandma, Amelia
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Aww, yay! I'm glad it turned out well for you
And congratulations -
@Autumnmama79: What a lovely name!! I hope co-parenting is going as well as possible. How are you?
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@crazydoglady: the baby has brought so much joy to me but the marriage/home life has been incredibly challenging. Separated but still living in the same home, a lot of conflict and sadness and fear. A physical separation would solve some things but I am fearful about losing time with 3yo and am worried about how hard he would push for equal time with the new baby - being apart from her would devastate me.
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@Autumnmama79: Congratulations and that's a beautiful name
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@Autumnmama79: congratulations, her name is beautiful! Sorry about everything else going on
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@Autumnmama79: congratulations! Enjoy the newborn snuggles. Sorry for everything you are going through.
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@Autumnmama79: I'm so sorry about the stress of home life. I hope you will do whatever you need to stay safe and emotionally healthy.
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@JennyPenny: @crazydoglady: @graceandjoy: @ALV91711: @JennyLayneAZ: thank you for your congratulations and words of support
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@Autumnmama79: I love that you got your way by having a girl. That’s justice. Raise another badass woman
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