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@looch: My husband and I have talked a lot about this. I think that these differences are what help create a hyper-individualistic mindset in Americans. Thoughts?
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@looch: Oh trust me, I'm not saying it doesn't happen! Everyone reaches the end of their rope sometime. It just seems like she is making sweeping (and dramatic) generalizations to prove her point, and I really didn't like the way she phrased it all.
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@lizzywiz: happens to the best of us! I will say this: when something like this really enrages me, its usually because its touched on some deep insecurity I have somewhere. Like when people on Facebook post stuff about how important co-sleeping is and how sleep training will traumatize your child- I get really upset, but I know its because we ended up having to stop co-sleeping and did some sleep training. When I think rationally, I'm totally okay with our choices- but those articles touch on the wounded part of me that still feels a little guilt about not doing it the way we had planned. You know?
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@Silva: EXACTLY. Sleep is a big one for us. I was actually prepared to sleep train, but it didn't really work. So then I tried co-sleeping. Didn't work. I read and begged advice and tried a variety of things over two years. I was a wreck from lack of sleep. and so wounded that I somehow couldn't manage this one thing. So, now, any sleep advice is just SO personal to me!
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I think there is a fine line between permissive parenting (which is never a good thing) and knowing when to pick your battles. I absolutely admit to whipping out my cell phone to put on Peppa Pig or Mother Goose Playhouse while we're out at a restaurant and my 2 year old just can't sit still any longer. I know the nanny says we need to teach our kids patience, but patience for a 2 year old and patience for a 5 year old are different. I can't expect my 2 year old to wait 20 minutes for food without any means of entertainment or without wanting to get up because honestly, at home, food DOES come out and she eats it right away. It's so loud and distracting at restaurants that you're competing with all of the distractions. So yes, iphones, youtube it is! I really don't see the issue with this. I'm saving my sanity, my kid is happy (we take it away when she's actually eating) and all the surrounding people are most likely happier for it.
I do agree that as parents we ARE defensive when it comes to our kids. We do want to think we're doing a good job raising our kids so when someone else criticizes us, it's hard to take with a positive spin. But that's completely different from gentle disciplining other kids. If my friend's kids were hitting or throwing, I KNOW my friends would want me to say, "no hitting or we don't throw please" if they weren't there or if they didn't see it. Why? Because we all love our kids and our friends. Even if it was a stranger, and I saw a kid pushing my LO and the mom didn't say anything .. I would absolutely make sure my kid was okay and then say, "we don't push. That's not nice" But I wouldn't berate the kid. And if the mom said something to me, I would absolutely tell her (nicely!) that the kid pushed my kid so I gently reminded not to push. I've never met another mom who got upset. Especially since I don't make a big deal out of it.
As far as the other points .... it's really unfair to overgeneralize. I absolutely catered to the needs of my kid when it came to sleep and she's still not the best sleeper and she's 2! Will I be doing things differently with my next one? You can sure bet I will! But I would still put my kid's hunger needs before mine and their sleep needs before mine. Because they just don't have the capacity to wait as long as I do. It's not that I'm entitling them. I'm understanding their limits. It will change as they grow. But it's all about the age of the kid.
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@lizzywiz: I thought she had some good points and then I read about the infant chair thing and was like, yeah, ok. Those are generally used for newborns..
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I agree with some of her points. I feel like parents just quit sometimes, though. I get it, sometimes you need that break and that is why I try not to judge people who do things differently than I do. It's the parents that do some of these things all the time that get me.
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She didn't sound out of line, but I do get why you are irritated. For authors who write "parenting judgement" articles like that, I think they need to state clearly how many kids do they have on their own. If they don't have kids, they don't have the right to write and publish articles on what they think other parents are doing wrong.
(ETA: OK now I see she is a nanny. so I assumed she has kids of her own? nannying and having your own kids are 2 different things)
Personally, I am guilty of (1) and (5). LO is 2.5 years old. Just last night at 8pm he was screaming and crying for me because he couldn't fall sleep (It seldom happen though). DH went in and he screamed "no daddy". I went down and the first time I went downstairs to give him milk, and gave him a train so he can sleep with it. 2nd time I went downstairs to get him more milk, tugged him in with the blanket, and left his door open and the lights on outside of his room. I know he would have been fine if I don't bring him milk and/or don't go in for the 2nd time he cried, and probably fall asleep after crying for 10 minutes. I don't know, should I have left him and let him cry it out? Sometimes I don't dare to do that because I don't know if it would cause negative psychological impact. I used to be a lot more comfortable with CIO when he was a baby because I truly don't know what else I could do. Now I know exactly what he wants, should I ignore him and let him scream? Maybe that's a modern parenting mistake? (I am not being sarcastic, I am really wondering).
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@JoyfulKiwi: Yeah, I mean, I was an expat, but I didn't have a pure expat experience because my husband was a native. So, while there were differences in the experience, it was still a Western parenting model. My interest in global parenting models lies with people of differing socio-economic status, extreme locations, off the grid, etc. What do mothers in developing nations do, when there is no running water, for example?
@Silva: I have to hop to an afternoon of meetings, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about this topic!
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I agree with almost all of what she wrote. I definitely am guilty of using youtube videos on my phone to distract him while waiting at the doctor/restaurant, etc. so I definitely disagree there. But pretty much everything else I agree with.
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Sorry, I don't really mind her tone or what she's saying! I agree with most of it. I try not to invest too much energy judging other peoples' parenting choices, but I do feel like it is a problem when technology is used to constantly entertain a kid. My boundaries might be different from yours (anyone's) but at the end of the day, I think we all lose out when kids grow up needing/expecting to be entertained at the drop of a hat. Which connects with her idea that the behavior we expect from kids is what we get - which I agree with, to an extent because there are obviously other factors at play.
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I completely agree with her article.
I am on team "it takes a village to train a child." I don't mind other people gently correcting my child, especially my close friends.
I would totally expect a friend or family member to correct my child if she hits/kicks/shoves/screams etc.
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I agree with the article for the most part. I regularly tell family members and friends to please correct my LO if she is doing something wrong. If she doesn't get used to that, I would imagine school would be quite a difficult transition in terms of dealing with hearing any kind of criticism from a teacher.
As for technology, I try to rely on it in only the most challenging situations. So far my LO (just turned 2) doesn't really seem interested in our phones or the Kindle and I am a-ok with that.
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I completely agree with every major point she raised
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I read a really good "alternative" view in response to that article:
http://www.jennifermcgrail.com/2014/07/5-alternative-reasons-modern-day-parenting-is-in-crisis/
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@Rockies11: I love you very much, as always, thank you for posting!
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Overall, I agree with the article.
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@Greentea: Aw thanks!
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@Rockies11: I really like point #2. I can get on board with some of what the nanny was saying but she was a little extreme for me. I don't think the articles are necessarily conflicting on everything either.
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Let me say this: I pretty much hate any huffington parenting article. I can sum them all up like this: "here is a basic parenting idea. I am OMG so controversial for doing if. Look how judged I am! But it's what they did in the good old days/what they do in Europe. Look at the name I gave it. My kid will turn out better than your kid, but I'm totally not judging."
I thought the article was judgy. I don't mind getting my toddler a different sippy cup, IF he asks nicely. I also, right before reading this, had my newborn in a vibrating bouncy chair and my toddler watching Caillou so I could just eat some dang breakfast. Which I think means I am spoiling my children while putting myself first, so I don't know where that falls.
We are pretty strict with our toddler about saying please and thank you, not whining, behaving politely at meals. He gets very little screen time, definitely never at restaurants. I don't think I'm raising a spoiled brat. But even still I found this article to be annoying.
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