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I had a similar problem with an extremely loud upstairs neighbor, and went upstairs with my son in pajamas one night to ask them if they were bowling or something... it turned out their son was scooting around on a rolling chair! After that, it got so much better...

If it doesn't get better, does your lease have clauses in there that say if there are noise complaints, you have to put in rugs? If so, it's probably in their lease too - which would be a great way to escalate with landlord! But only if personal outreach doesn't work...

I would definitely say something, especially if they already know he's loud. Maybe just something like "we've been hearing a lot of banging and stomping and I'm sure Johnny just has a ton of energy, but is there any way you'd be able to help him keep it down a little?" And you should have a clause about floors needing to be 80%covered by rugs--feel like it's usually not enforced but if there's a noise issue I would take it up with the landlord if they're not responsive. But other than that, as long as it's not at night, I don't think there's much you can do! Apartment living is hard sometimes!

Would you be willing to offer to buy rugs for them? My friend was in the situation and the family actually refused to even put down free rugs, but it does show the parents that you aren't just complaining to complain. Are there certain areas of the apartment and times of the day that are more annoying- like, could they try to keep the son out of the room above your master before 8 am, or similar? It's never going to be perfect, but saying something nicely will at least let them know it is in fact a problem. And maybe it will at least encourage them to put down a rug.

I think @Anagram: has the right idea. Honestly, before having kids I lived in apartments below children and I was so annoyed all the time. Now I understand that there really isn't a lot you can do, but hopefully rugs will help the situation.

I kind of disagree that there's nothing these parents could do...I mean, in Mr. Bee's example--letting a kid ride a rolling chair like a scooter across the floor is clearly unnecessary and is an easy boundary to set. As is throwing loud heavy things on the floor all the time, doing a lot of jumping while wearing shoes, etc. I don't think it's unreasonable to tell your child that those things are for when you are outside--I mean, I don't want to listen to that noise in my house! My DS is certainly loud, but there are certain rules in our house about what he can and cannot do. I am a big believer in just dealing with some things when it comes to living in an urban setting, but I also think that you need to be a good neighbor and do what you can, when you can.

We live in a townhouse style home and have neighbors on each side of us. Our 2.5 year old is LOUD! We've spoken to both of our neighbors to see how much they can hear, and we've apologized for any disturbances she causes. We do what we can, but short of letting her play outside all day or watch tv all day, there's not much else we can do.

My son literally runs alllll day while kicking a ball or pushing a truck. I would t be able to stop him if I tried!

Absolutely, categorically disagree that 'boys will be boys'. Both boys and girls need to learn politeness and how to not be so loud that your neighbors can't cope. I think that asking them to put rugs in is absolutely ok, especially since they are aware that he's so loud.

@Trailmix: this!

I really don't get the idea that you. Can't help your child reduce their noise level. If I was approached I would absolutely at least make an effort, and trybto reduce it somewhat between some hours, even if it's obviously impossible to have a child play quietly all day.

They don't have to get rugs - foam mats for my son didn't cost more than $60 for a 6x8 area and they will do much to muffle noise. Hallway runners are cheap, as are kitchen runners. I think you can't necessarily stop a kid from running around but you can limit loud toys (i.e. Big rolling trucks can be for padded rooms, no throwing heavy things on floors or they get taken away, no jumping off the couch unless there's a cushion on the floor, etc.). They can also make use of the playgrounds in the city to burn some of his energy off so he's not going ape at home. They can also build him gross motor play areas like a trampoline or an inflatable pool filled with foam blocks or balls. There are lots of solutions if you have to fix the problem so yes please talk to them. Leave a polite letter with contact info and invite the mom to come downstairs and listen.

@sarac: exactly this!!!

Boys are loud isn't an acceptable excuse. I think you both need to be realistic and courteous and find middle ground here. I think asking if they have rugs is a good first step. At the end of the day you both need to learn to co-exist. You realizing that it probably won't be completely silent and them setting boundaries with their kid and teaching him to be courteous of others. Obviously, you have lived there before with kids above you and know what is reasonable to expect noise wise. If other people could do it without disturbing you, surely they can figure out a way to lessen the noise, too.@LCTBQE:

Also in a Brooklyn brownstone. They were literally built without any insulation. We are in the same boat but with adults. We asked them several times to stop actually throwing their boots off when they come home at night. We asked them to put down carpet but they said no bc they were allergic.

I would talk to them and be specific with what you want. Maybe it's worse in your bedroom at a certain time and ask them to control that. And ask them to put down runners and rugs to buffer the noise. I see both sides bc there isn't a whole lot they can do other than these things but hopefully they will be accommodating. Offer to have them down to hear the noise bc unless they have a noisy neighbor upstairs they probably just don't get how loud it is.

I also disagree with the "boys will be boys" mentality and that there is nothing a parent could/should do to help minimize noise and annoyances to other neighbors.

part of apartment living is understanding that you will have to enoucnter some amount of noise/annoyance and it's inevitable since you're living in such close quarters. BUT the flip side - you also have to respect that you have ppl living in close proximity to you who have a right to enjoy their apartment too. It goes both ways. The neighbor with the noisy kid should try to be thoughtful and think of ways to minimize the disruption to their neighbors. Pounding, stomping, constant jumping for 10-12 hours a day is NOT reasonable and it's not fair to subject others to it. And on the other side - the other neighbor needs to understand that people living produces some amount of noise and it's just something you gotta put up with, as part of apt living.

Sorry for the novel. I just get so irritated with the "boys will be boys" mentality.

I'm really disappointed with the use of "boys will be boys"- is not true, and it's not helpful. I have a son who can be loud and energetic, or he can be quiet and gentle. When I was a kid, I was so hyper active that my mom says I'd have been put on Ritalin if it had been around. It's not a gender thing, and how sad to put boys and girls into these boxes.

Anyway, OP your neighbors can do a lot, from putting down padded rugs to putting their kid in activity classes etc to let him run off stream, regardless of gender (I can't believe I even have to qualify that!), to redirection, quiet activities, etc. It just depends what they're willing to do and what their lease can demand of them.

And it's 2016, parents maybe should reevaluate how they relate to their kids vis à vis gender, and the phrases they throw around.

I feel like I should add... It isn't because I have a son that he is loud. It's because that's who he is. He is 22 months and doesn't walk, he runs. So while obviously I would attempt to limit loud toys and loud heavy balls being thrown, there's not much I could do about his heavy step. Nothing to do with him having a penis... My friends daughter is the exact same way.

Anyway. I wouldn't be mad if you came and talked to me, but I don't know if I could actually help (ie getting him to walk quietly would be impossibly) but I would try to limit loud things.

I'm currently in a Brooklyn brownstone as well and have been on the receiving end of some really annoying noise (upstairs neighbors were hosting a play school; our chandeliers literally shook - ugh)....as much as it sucks, I do think that some of it is just brownstone living. Most of them were built as single family homes, so even if they're converter for two families, they're just not soundproofed the way apartments intended as apartments are.

That said....you definitely should say something!! I think the most fair and reasonable way to approach it is to think about what type of noise bothers you most, where (in the apartment) it bothers you most, and what time it bothers you most - then kindly ask them to work with you on that first. If early morning shaking wakes you up in your master bedroom, for example, start there when asking them to take action. It's hard (and frustrating) to keep a toddler quiet all the time, and I think that even though that's not your expectation (you sound like you are being really reasonable), sensitive people will interpret a less specific statement as a blanket complaint, if that makes sense, and may ignore it if they think such a big change is not possible. They're more likely to act on something specific and achievable.

I approached our playschool situation by explaining to my neighbor that obviously I know kids will be kids, since I have two, but unfortunately mine still really need to nap during school hours. I asked if they could really work on not playing running or jumping games between 1 and 3 pm, try to be quieter on the stairs during those times,and not have parents do pick up directly on our stoop (their lingering and chatting right outside my kids' bedroom was waking them up). While it wasn't always great, they really did try to meet these requests. In turn, I just tried to relocate myself to a quieter part in the house when they were noisy at other times. They've just moved out, and I'm secretly hoping that apartment stays empty for awhile!!

Good luck - shared living is a tricky thing!

Agree w/ the carpet suggestion but if there are loose floorboards or anything like that the improvement could be limited.

Also, my daughter was like this when she was around that age too. Kids make noise not just because they're boys but because they're kids, and some kids more so than others.

I might actually like if they made the master their playroom. If you're out of the house during the day at work or wherever, or even just in different parts of your place (idk about you but I don't spend a ton of time in my room during the day) then the noise might be a little more prevalent there, and then hopefully at night when you're trying to sleep the play room is empty. Of course if you end up with a newborn in there with you that needs to nap that could be annoying again.

In any event I think if you just approach them nicely they may be willing to work with you. They might realize he's loud in their place but not get the extent of it.

@Mrs. Lion: I agree it's much more difficult with a child who's not even two. Since my son turned three, he has been much more understanding about other people sleeping, and the need to be courteous. Frankly, a 20-month-old wouldn't get it. Nor would they care. My post was more to give ideas of the types of things that could be done, and going forward what the parents could teach their child(ren).